2 yrs ago today since uncle died.

[PleaseValidate]

- And my life became the emotional and financial mess here today. I barely thought of my grandmother on 7/5 which was the one year anniversary of her death, but Friday, July 13, 2012 is such an unforgettable date. I really hate that.

I spent a lot of the day trying not to think about it. (I will confess, i stayed in bed all day.) This day is connected to all of the abuse that came after, all of my friends who were not there for me, and all of the formerly repressed abuse that came before.

I talked to my ex today who's grandmother recently died. He relayed that his parents are giving him her car and absolutely no one in his immediate or extended family has a problem with that.  They were ALL actually HAPPY he had use for it!

I can't help but compare to my own situation where my aunt and uncle lied to my demented Grams and told her I "stole" (worthless) records when I actually donated them and even had her POA permission to do so. Everyone was POed that i donated so much worthless stuff in this pack rat house because as my BPDmo says, "they just make money by selling the stuff. " (Yes mom, this is how charities work.)

Never mind the fact that they never paid me for caretaking and told me point blank they "lied." They then told me point blank they lied about having me as part of the estate even though my dead uncle was basically my dad and my Grams basically my mom. So i was manipulated by them all to lock myself inside to take care of their throw away mom while they waited for her to die.

I've at least gotten enough distance from them to have decided to go to probate court to attempt to collect my caretaking stipend. If only the inertia would kick in to do so... .

[Kwamina]

Hi PleaseValidate,

I just read your post, you were having a hard day but how do you feel now that a few days have passed? I understand why you also had an emotional reaction to your ex telling you about his grandmother's car and how his family reacted to this. I often also find it very hard looking at other families and how they do things because it's almost like a constant reminder of what my own family is not. Then again, we usually only see snippets of other people's lives and don't get to see the whole picture. It's probably best not to compare the worst parts of our own family life to the best parts of other families yet I realize that it can be hard not do so when you're confronted with these things. I hope you're feeling at least a little better now that a few days have passed

[PleaseValidate]

Hi Kwamina, thank you for responding. You are correct, i am feeling better since nothing else has triggered lately.

And you are right, i shouldn't look at just the best about families as they all have their probs. However my circle of friends have always been very emotionally open which is sometimes very helpful when i have needed support in the past and  sometimes very painful to witness.

The gift of a car is actually one of the least kindest things his fam has done for him. They also paid for his entire education for one. And when we got married,  his parents gave him his cashed in life insurance policy plus a gift on top of that. My BPDmo wrote to me recently regarding her life insurance on me to say , "If your sick and die you're worth more to me, if your not sick I'll cash in the policy. You are worth more to me dead." ( The feeling is mutual but in my instance it is for my mental anguish not for any financial gain.)

I also have TWO friends who inherited whole houses merely because they didn't have one. I will forever wish I was put up for adoption but BPD mo had too much pride and needed another doll to add to her collection.

But the main point is, yes, I AM feeling better today.

[funfunctional]

I have those days too and I find it so helpful to be able to talk.   Not having a family... .well fact is many of us here don't.   Worst thing any of us in this position can do is look at other families and get family envy.   You know what?  I do it all the time.  CAtch myself in this comparing habit.   I am working hard on changing that thinking and focus on the "have's" and not "have nots".

The kicker is these small families get more affected by having one destructo in the family.   I have TWO.   

Building bridges with certain people - walls with others - understanding - and trying to stop the drama is the challenge.