Why am I the main target of BPD mother

[Kate87]

Is it common for people with BPD to target a specific person?  Don't get me wrong she loses it with everyone else in the family, but she picks on me the most.  I am wondering if anyone else has this issue. 

[waverider]

Most likely your boundaries are the easiest to trample over. Is this your own mother you are taliking about?

If so the Coping board may be the best place to ask questions like this.

[rl669]

Is it common for people with BPD to target a specific person?  :)on't get me wrong she loses it with everyone else in the family, but she picks on me the most.  I am wondering if anyone else has this issue.  

Hi Kate

I'm not sure about BPD, but it's certainly common with NPD. I don't know if you're familiar with the Narcissist Mother - Golden Child - Scapegoat triangle, but you might find it useful to research it.

[Ziggiddy]

Hi Kate87

The links about the triangulation are very interesting and informative. In my experience yes, they target someone specifically and continue targeting that person as long as is practicable. That person can do no right and every move is criticised and belittled Then if they need to change they target someone else and engage in the same behaviour. They need somewhere to focus their pain and rage and they simply do not have enough 'sense of self' to process it healthily.

I'd be interested to hear if something specific has happened that made you ask this question? Are you able to tell us a little more background?

Ziggiddy

[funfunctional]

YES

My BPD has targeted me from the moment I entered my husband's life.    She has been cruel, no mercy,  lying,  slandering... .creating stories!          She did everything and anything she could to foil my hubby and I's relationship.  We are married.  Been together for 5 years.  SHE is out of the picture.

They will lash out at who they think is a threat to them.   How they deem you to be a threat isn't always clear.   My BPD MIL didn't want my husband to have a new life.   It didn't matter that his x wife cheated on him & left him.     It is all about them and their world and it is like a 6 year old emotional level.   

[P.F.Change]

Hi, Kate87,

I'm sorry to hear your mother picks on you especially. I imagine it must feel like nothing you do will make her happy. Yes, many people with BPD split one person "all bad" and project their negative emotions and self-image onto him or her. This might help: BPD BEHAVIORS: Splitting

Ziggiddy also has some good questions. Has anything specific happened lately to cause you to wonder about this? We would be interested in hearing more from you if you feel like sharing.

Wishing you peace,

PF

[kharma]

I'm the target of both of my personality disordered parents. My BPD/npd father whole identity is wrapped up into chastising, ridiculing, and berating me. i've learned it's because I make minimum wage, unmarried, with no children, however I have another sibling who was in my situation for years and he was the "golden child". I'm stumped. We are half siblings. Maybe he gave him a pass because he loved his mother more than mine? I don't know. I hate being the target, its the worst position to be in

[Ziggiddy]

i've learned it's because I make minimum wage, unmarried, with no children,

Maybe he gave him a pass because he loved his mother more than mine? I don't know. I hate being the target, its the worst position to be in

kharma I am sorry that you feel this way - you really might benefit from reading about the splitting behaviours - it's a classic BPD tool for acting out and I hope you will see that it has NOTHING or VERY little to do with you. it's not because of who you are or what you do. No matter what bar you reach, what achievement or what success you have it would still be the same because they have no capacity to approve themselves therefore how would they have the capacity to approve you? It's not your fault they behave that way. They lack themselves and have very little to give others in a healthy and balanced way

[HappyChappy]

Kahma, does sound like you're your mother's scapegoat. As I am mine. You need to know that it has nothing to do with you. A BPD will triangulate any brood. Not your fault, and you can't change it. But as you will have found, it's an effective way of ancoring your narcisstic supply. By telling someone they are usless and have no options, they're less likely to leave. But never forget what they tell you is complete rubbish, or you wouldn't get wound up by it.  You do have options, your nursing qualification, the room to rent you found some time ago... . 

[yogibear60]

Hi:  I am an only child and have been the target for years.  I did my best to take responsibility for my interactions with my mother but soon realized that regardless of what I did or said it was a no "win" situation.  She designed everything around "failure"  She never showed her true side around other people and was grand at gaslighting.  It is so hard to watch her treat other people with kindness and respect and you with contempt.  I used to explain that it was like standing outside, looking in a window and watching life with her and I wasn't even in the room.  It stinks and it take a while to process all of this out... .  My thoughts are with you

[waverider]

Hi:  I am an only child and have been the target for years.  I did my best to take responsibility for my interactions with my mother but soon realized that regardless of what I did or said it was a no "win" situation.  She designed everything around "failure"  She never showed her true side around other people and was grand at gaslighting.  It is so hard to watch her treat other people with kindness and respect and you with contempt.  I used to explain that it was like standing outside, looking in a window and watching life with her and I wasn't even in the room.  It stinks and it take a while to process all of this out... .  My thoughts are with you

It is possible your mother has low self esteem and has a fear of not being in control, as she doesn't want anyone to know the real "her'. If she even knows what that is herself. As a result she can maintain the facade to protect herself with outsiders the "kindness and respect" is not real just what she wants people to believe, maybe even wants to believe her self. It is her stage she wants to be on. You on the other hand see her 'off stage" she resents that, feels vulnerable, and sees the exposure as at threat so she pushes you away.

Is she afraid of showing her vulnerabilities to anyone.

Any of that ring a bell?