Meaning, the time period between events has continued to increase. The potential is still there, but I am learning to live with the possibility, and we are learning, together, that an event doesnt necessarily mean everything gets driven off a cliff (even though that is what is said in the heat of the moment).
This year has been a pretty good spell for me, so I havent been around much. So some hugs to all of you, and especially to those that know me and I still see here.
Last night was a meltdown with my uNPD/uBPD wife. I saw it coming. She had just gotten back from her parents to see her father who is not doing well. Even in normal times a visit to/from her parents is highly emotional, but given it could easily be the last time she ever sees him it was especially emotional. And then the morning after she returned was really packed out with a lot of kid activities.
So some things triggered her (I forgot to get milk and we were out). Was an all out verbal barrage. Remember the tools... .some validation (limited, she couldnt hear anything at that point)... .send the kids off to bath (not out of earshot, but at least out of the room)... and simply walk out and refuse to stand and take it. So I sat outside until it was raining too hard and besides, had to go back in to get the kids out of the bath and into bed.
And also to provide them some outlet/comfort, since they were home all day and I knew got some directed at them as well. My sons comment was, 'wow, she is a monster!'. Aiyai yai. But he dissociates well and we talked a little bit about what happened with his day and overall it was ok. My daughters seemed to be unfazed (a good sign, because I know they had cleaned up the kitchen all on their own and were so proud, but I know there were some things my wife didnt like how were done which usually results in criticism, but I had tried to prep my wife before getting home on how proud they were about their work so we need to provide positive feedback).
Encouraged my wife to get extra sleep which she did after calling her mom and crying and yelling to her about it all.
Today things are better and she is regulated again.
Its been a while. Ironically, things had been going pretty well for a good stretch and I had checked in here a day or two ago just to check in. Didnt know I would be posting a blowup again!
The tools helped. But the attacks still affect me - I was a wreck last night trying to get to sleep. But finally got there. Some of my coping mechanisms are better than they once were (meaning, I skipped having a drink to help calm down). But they are never good enough. Indeed I need more exercise (broke my ankle in Feb and its only now healing).
Just the other day I was thinking it was feeling good to be in a state of 'normalcy' for a decent period of time, and that it was giving my body and mind some time to regain its health.
With luck, this next round will be even longer between incidents. All part of it I guess. The underlying potential to deregulate never goes away, but with some attention and skill the frequency between incidents can be extended.
Thats my post. Sorry, it was just for my own venting. Although I am a near ghost around here, just knowing about this site and that its here is helpful. Thank you for letting me burn some posting space.
