Did I fall in love with myself?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am working on myself and just letting the thoughts wonder and I had a thought that I am missing someone who is no longer there. He no longer mirrors me but is now mirroring her and I don't want to be with her. Then I though, so I really wanted to be with him while he was mirroring me. So I want to be with me.

That means deep down I do like myself... .ummmmmm

I think Im hitting a new level of crazy!

[honeysuckle]

I am working on myself and just letting the thoughts wonder and I had a thought that I am missing someone who is no longer there. He no longer mirrors me but is now mirroring her and I don't want to be with her. Then I though, so I really wanted to be with him while he was mirroring me. So I want to be with me.

That means deep down I do like myself... .ummmmmm

I think Im hitting a new level of crazy!

[enlighten me]

His mirroring wasn't a mirror of you but a reflection of who you want. That is why they appear to be the one. The fact that his values. ideas and dreams where in sync is the mirroring. Lets face it if you want a certain life your not going to fall for someone who wants the complete opposite.

[MommaBear]

I hate those days when we think we're "hitting a new level of crazy".

No, you didn't fall in love with yourself. You let down your guard because you had someone who, you thought, understood you on a deeply intimate and personal level. Someone you didn't have to "explain things" to. That's comforting as anything. I mean, look at this message board, for instance. For the first time, I feel like I can talk about the things my xhwBPD did to me and not be judged. I won't be asked questions like, "Well, you're a smart woman, why'd you put up with all that? Why'd you stay with him? Didn't you know this before you got married?"

Having people who can recognize and understand those parts of us that aren't always easy to face is a tremendous comfort.

So no, you're not in love with yourself. And no, you're not hitting a new level of crazy.  

Hang in there!

[honeysuckle]

Thank you! That makes sense.

If he is now with someone else does he now have all new values and new opinions? Or does he keep it all?   

[eagle755]

I agree with the person above me so much. at first I tried a normal site. And nobody understood what we are going through. Nobody can even fathom it. Its a whole other world, and I'm so glad I'm not alone.

Idk what I'd do without the people on here. Because friends, even best friends, can't comfort us through this

[enlighten me]

Thank you! That makes sense.

If he is now with someone else does he now have all new values and new opinions? Or does he keep it all?   

They do seem to. For example Im not keen on football (the English version) and my uBPDexw also didn't like it. Her new husband is mad on football and now so is she. She can even hold a conversation about it and go into detail about the players.

When she was with me on the other hand I had no such hobbies I have always fancied a nice stone cottage in the country with a fruit orchard and guess what so did she. Who would have thought it eh.

[eagle755]

I actually didn't have much issue with mirror imaging. She had her own life and interests(she tried extremely hard to be a country girl, mudding, fishing, into trucks, horses, etc, but it was laughable because she tried way too hard)

And I'm not country, what so ever. I play video games, surf, exercise, etc. I mean she tried mirroring it I guess, because she'd always wanna do that stuff. But I'd be like, no. Lol

I hate when people act and fake who they aren't, probably why I could tell something was off about her. Silly BPD

[Caredverymuch]

Thank you! That makes sense.

If he is now with someone else does he now have all new values and new opinions? Or does he keep it all?   

In my experience, yes. The mirroring is of the current supply source. The mask is held high during mirroring and idealization. This was a difficult concept for me to embrace in healing because I truly felt we had very much in common.  But seeing the way he changed after I was spilt black, I could identify the traits he was mirroring, and they were no longer similar to the man he was when we were together. Or any similarity to that which he exemplified when we were together.  At all.  As for values, thats also a difficult call because in my opinion, if your value system in comfortably in place, you would not be able to treat others as we have been treated. Its difficult because its all intermixed with the elements of the d/o.  You cant really tell what are values and what is the fantasy at times.