few months of NC, I get a text this morning

[justanotherguy25]

I am not really sure how long the NC has been, but I think it's been a few months now.  Anyways, I wake up this morning to a text from her.

It says " There is important papers in a blag bag under your bed. (childs name) Birth certificate there.  Let me know if ya find it and I will come and get it.  Then I can update you on all the crap that has gone on. "   That is exactly what the text message was to me.  The father of the child ( who I do keep in regular contact with ) asked me for the birth cetificate a few days ago, I looked in everything that she had leaft here and I do not have it.

To be completely honest, I have no intention of even replying to her message at all.  I could care less about the "crap" that has been going on in her life and besides I already know.  What is she going to tell me.  She lost her apartment, has dated at least 5 people (that I know about )  got into smoking crack, got in a physical fight with her mom, stole someones wallet that I know , lost custody of her child and is not dating a former addict.   

None of this is news to me at all, and I KNOW for a fact that she would never tell me any of this and probably just assumes that I know nothing of the sort.  Good luck to her. 

[patientandclear]

JAG25:

Present in this brief story are two themes of BPD post r/s behavior: using "stuff" to ensure a chance to reconnect after a breakup; and the idea of "catching up" with someone you've hurt brutally (though they likely view that in reverse, that we let them down terribly) as a launching point for a re-connection as if the rupture never happened.

It isn't true in every case but these patterns are so recognizable. I'm calling them out because I found them touching when my ex used them, but I now realize they were part of an established way for him and ofhers of getting back into emotional connection with a former partner once that person's power had been eroded by a sudden breakup. I wish I'd had your perspective back then.

[Infared]

JAG25:

Present in this brief story are two themes of BPD post r/s behavior: using "stuff" to ensure a chance to reconnect after a breakup; and the idea of "catching up" with someone you've hurt brutally (though they likely view that in reverse, that we let them down terribly) as a launching point for a re-connection as if the rupture never happened.

JAG you are right on target with the repeating themes of BPD's (don't forget to throw in a large pinch of Drama!).

... yes... .Patient and Clear your insides are destroyed because of the way that they treated you and she wants to play the "oh... .HI!" game.  

Patient and Clear, you have the RIGHT idea... .just love you and stay clear of her completely. No need to engage... .just keep moving down the line. She is just running one of her sick little games on you... .just ignore her and she will run something on another attempted victim.

[Trent]

JAG25, now THAT is detachment!  Good job    

One day, I hope I'll be able to say "I don't give a flying f*" as well.  And I can feel myself getting there, day by day.  Thanks for the inspiration.

[woodsposse]

One day, I hope I'll be able to say "I don't give a flying f*" as well.  And I can feel myself getting there, day by day.  Thanks for the inspiration.

What I find interesting is... .I never wanted to get to a point where I say "I don't give a FF!"... .but I wanted her drama not to affect me any further.  I still care.  I still think about her from time to time.  And, if the situation were such that my time  was as important as hers, I would hold a conversation with her.  But I finally had realized that most of everything which went on in our r/s had nothing to do with me.

So it became easier to detach at that point.

And any attempt at re-attaching literally makes me physically ill.  It's sad, really.  All that time I wasted emotionally going over this time and time again only to get right back to where I started.  But it had to be gone through in order for me to realize how deep inside the disorder we both were. 

It can be very very subtle because we use terms like "But I still love her/him." - like that is the cure all connection we need to overcome. But it isn't.  Never has been, never will be.  That isn't love.  That is intellect and ego overriding instinct.