Article: Gas Lighting.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

THIS is an amazing article.

www.narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/

[going places]

THIS is an amazing article.

www.narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/

[thereishope]

THIS is an amazing article.

www.narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/

Oh my goodness... .THANK YOU for sharing this article/website!  I clicked the link and have been reading articles there for probably half an hour already... .EXCELLENT EXCELLENT... .VERY VERY PERTINENT AND PERFECTLY APPLICABLE... .I wept through this entire article... .

Thank you again, and I highly suggest clicking this link! 

God bless!

[NorthLight]

The Discarding Phase:

In this phase, the game comes to its final conclusion. What started out as the idealization of a victim by the narcissist, is doomed to end with the idealization of the narcissist by the victim’s over dependence. Once this happens, the narcissist ardor for the game has dampened, in their eyes they have already won the contest, and the fun is over. By this time, the narcissist is totally indifferent to any needs or wishes that the victim may have, in effect they no longer exist in their mind. Not so for the victim, they are left confused and raw with emotion, and are eager to find solutions in order to “fix” the dying relationship. However, the narcissist resists all attempts to rescue the relationship, they will bully with silence, or if there is any kind of response, it will be brutally cold. In effect, the victim has become “worthlessly inferior” to them; they know they have drained the victim dry, that they have now outlived their usefulness, and now it is time for the narcissist to move on to the next source of supply. Any undertaking to win them back by the victim will only feed the narcissists ego, and further provide them with a transient source of narcissistic supply.

So worth reading this, thank you, pretty scary stuff, but so spot on too.

[thereishope]

http//narcissisticbehavior.net/

Another INCREDIBLY INFORMATIVE AND AFFIRMING page on this website... .

[thereishope]

Another quote from that website... .page 6

"The narcissist lives in their heads, and their headstrong attribute can be detected in their magnetic eyes, which can be seductive one minute (when they want to get their way), or a raging monster the next (when they feel thwarted in reaching their goal).  All narcissists have an inordinate fascination with themselves, and they expect this also of their narcissistic supply.  So any act of opposition against them, whether it is real or imagined, is likely to make them become violent, obstinate, ungovernable,  untractable, stubborn, unruly, and vengeful."

[MommaBear]

Another quote from that website... .page 6

"The narcissist lives in their heads, and their headstrong attribute can be detected in their magnetic eyes, which can be seductive one minute (when they want to get their way), or a raging monster the next (when they feel thwarted in reaching their goal).  All narcissists have an inordinate fascination with themselves, and they expect this also of their narcissistic supply.  So any act of opposition against them, whether it is real or imagined, is likely to make them become violent, obstinate, ungovernable,  untractable, stubborn, unruly, and vengeful."

Been there. I think a photo of my ex should be next to this paragraph!

[Skip]

With the greatest respect to Christine Louis de Canonville, this article is a bit more theater than education.  Some of her points are certainly valid, but her tone is more about villain and victims, and probably more ASPD and extreme narcissism.  Remember, NPD traits are on a very the broad spectrum, many off our members were the "NPD trait" matched to a "BPD trait" in the very common NPD/BPD relationship.

This might be a more balanced look on people with narcissistic traits:

https://bpdfamily.com/book-reviews/loving-self-absorbed

With respect to de Canonville:

"Gaslighting is an extreme form of emotional abuse used by the narcissistic gaslighter to manipulate the innocent victim (gaslightee)."

"It is important to realize that the gaslighting does not need to be severe in order to have severe consequences on the victim; it can be as subtle as being told that “you are so sensitive”, or that they should not do something because “you are not able to do it, leave it to me”.  

"The techniques used in “Gaslighting” by the narcissist are similar to those used in brainwashing, interrogation, and torture that have been used in psychological warfare by intelligence operative, law enforcement and other forces for decades."

This cunning Machiavellian behaviour is a deeply insidious set of manipulations that is difficult for anybody to work out, and with time it finally undermines the mental stability of the victim. That is why it is such a dangerous form of abuse.

de Canonville credits Robin Stern, PhD as her reference.  :)r. Sterns message however is very different than de Canonville's.  She describes a relationship with a demanding "my way or the highway" man and a submissive wife.

The powerful gaslighter (he has power both because he asserts it and because the gaslightee gives it to him!) engages in an ongoing, systematic knocking down of the other, less powerful, person, purposely controlling the relationship by telling the other that there is something wrong with the way she sees the world or there's something wrong with who she is -- and-- the gaslightee, by agreeing with him or allowing his perceptions define hers, over time, loses confidence, feels unsure and experiences a growing shakiness of self. Gradually, the gaslightee begins to question what she thought she knew---and gives up the power to stand in her own reality.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200903/identify-the-gaslight-effect-and-take-back-your-reality

Now, Stern has been criticized for her book, The Gaslight Effect, for taking the term referring to a very specific, active, intentional form of manipulation and inappropriately applied it to pretty much any undesirable behavior in romantic relationship.

And lastly, if you track the origin or the term gaslighting, which is a metaphor not descriptive term, it describes an overt, planned deception - like an adulterer who creates a false reality to cover their tracks.

The term, "planned deception" is probably more descriptive than "gaslighting".

[thereishope]

from page 9

"Once bored they will be unable to keep up the pretense of being a mutual caring cohort, the false integrated self they presented begins to breakdown, along with their patience to keep up their act of being an ally. Then, quite abruptly and inexplicably, they decide it is time that it is all over, and a quick as the changing wind, the narcissist becomes cold, uninterested and devious.

The narcissist then starts his vicious attack whereby he sets about devaluing his dismissed Supply. The very things that had once attracted them to the Supply in the first place (their innocence, amenableness, humbleness, wisdom, warm-heartedness, knowledge, energy etc) they now despise, and so they use these same qualities against the individual with a hardness and razor-sharpness befitting a warrior’s Samurai sword…. instantly killing them dead without any remorse."

[willtimeheal]

What happens if you get help during all of this and become stronger and can no longer be manipulated and gaslighted?  What will the abuser do?  I sank into a depression and she t ok my self esteem my happiness everything. Then she later me for someone else. But I think I shocked her... .I sought help and I got better and stronger. I am no longer the pathetic person I was when I was with her. Now she wants we all over again. Is it because I am strong and self confident?  And because I won (I won for myself)  undecided  stay in that state I allowed her to put me in. Why did she come back?  I won't ever allow anyone to do that to me again.

[Skip]

What happens if you get help during all of this and become stronger and can no longer be manipulated... .

This is basically the message in Robin Stern's book. 

[willtimeheal]

What happens if you get help during all of this and become stronger and can no longer be manipulated... .

This is basically the message in Robin Stern's book. 

Because I look at her now or if I think about her and it makes me sick. But sick in a good way. I am just like "Holy Shiz"  What was I thinking and I laugh and go on with my life. I have no feelings towards it anymore. Granted it took me years to get here and me finally seeing her in her true light. But she continues to try and manipulate and explain that this whole time I am the cause.of the problems. I just giggle and move on.

[Blimblam]

"r tone is more about villain and victims, and probably more ASPD and extreme narcissism.  Remember, NPD traits are on a very the broad spectrum, many off our members were the "NPD trait" matched to a "BPD trait" in the very common NPD/BPD relationship."


Yeah I agree with this it seems a lot of the articles I came across and opinions of folks on the web are talking about sociopaths. It seems to be another form of black and white thinking.  Ironically to lump all npds into the aspd category is a narcissistic defense mechenism in of itself. 

I really think narcissism is very complex and until we survey our own Narcissism we will not detache from our BPD and grow to our potential.  That is not to say we are npd. 

The borderline partner I think wakes up from the fantasy before we do. In fact I think they have one foot out the entire time.  A lot of the hurtful things they say towards the end are really just about how caught up in our narcissistic fantasy projected onto them and we are ignoring the other parts of them.  It's not really our fault for getting to that point.  They conditioned us to it.

[blackmirror]

This article really felt good to read.  In the wake of the break-up with my BPD stbx wife I have felt exteme emotions like many others and it helps so much to see that. I felt that gas lighting and gthe silent treatment amongst other things had driven me forever insane.  i realize if I had ever tried to report that my ex "did this to me" I would probably be somewhere else than on my couch.  I am past the blaming and the need to prove it to her family(who of course were in on it.)  I was thinking about all the gas lighting and silent treatment and I remembered an incident that I am not quite sure happened or not but it appears as a hazy memory.  I was laying in bed.  I used to get an extreme exhaustion  after what I perceieved as extreme gas-lighting with me broken down emotionally.  I developed a facial tick where the left side of my mouth would go up and the left side of my face would shake.  I would also emit a sound that was not the same cadence as any king of crying I had heard but maybe 1 or 2 second bursts.  I remember my hearing the television in the living room right outside the open bedroom door and I am quite sure at times she came in to comfort me I guess but who knows.  This memory and one of myh ex and I in a circular argument where she got on all fours and was screaming at the top of her lungs.  These two memories at one time crushing are now ones that I can release anymore want of knowing the "truth."