Thank you all for the responses. Ya waverider I really have tried to be radically accepting and being like I understand she is going to be hypocritical on these situations. One of my favorites ius yelling at me that I am raising my voice and trying let all the neighbors hear even though she has been yelling the last 10 minutes and I am jsut trying to get a single word in. Or if I don't and I stay calm I get accused of trying to make her sound crazy to the neighbors because its only her that is yelling. Its hard because sometimes you just want to yell can you not look at yourself, but that's the point right? They can't.
Been there done that.
Only way around that is the catch 22 of reducing conflict and increasing acceptance. One needs the other, it is also hard to achieve one without first having the other. So you need to act out the lessons to get the ball rolling.
Pecia and Phoebe, I hear you I frequently try to put some space between us. And even though I know its all her game and her way of manipulating. She will yell at me to leave her alone she doesn't want that. If I walk away she will make random remarks until I respond. If it continues its I don't care and she starts packing. I know its her way to make me respond, she doesnt want to feel abandoned so she threatens to abandon me, then my reaction re affirms her. I know how this all logically works. But it has become even harder now she is pregnant (8mo both of us very happy). But it puts me into a tough position. I feel like I am just trying to protect her from herself and I know its not my job.
Its the viscious cycle of reaction and counter reaction. Only way to break this is to decide what you want to do independent of whatever her demands or claims are. eg if she tells you to stay or leave should have no impact on whether you do or not. That is decided by what you want to do. Wont stop her flipping out initially, but it will stop you being indecisive and frustrated.
