She is still trying to manipulate me

[SpringInMyStep]

And I almost fell for it!

We have the cell phone family plan in my name and I want her off. Turns out if I do that, I'll have to pay a $200 deactivation fee unless she calls a number and puts herself on another plan. I emailed her asking her to do this and she "doesn't want to call and get called sir today" (she's trans and her voice sounds like a man) so what if we just deduct the amount from what I already owe her and she can stay on my plan till the contract is up?

WOW! I just want her out of my life and am considering just paying the $200 to have peace of mind!

I'm soo frustrated with her. This is just another way she is trying to get someone else to handle everything for her and I don't want to! I would love to just call Verizon and have her phone number deactivated immediately, but want to make sure I'm not just acting out of anger.

I want her OUT.

[Mutt]

I'm sorry things didn't quite go as planned ilovestraberries with the phone company. Seperation and divorce is very difficult. I understand - you want things to move quickly and be done with but it takes time. It's expensive to pay the deactivation fee and she is blaming the company in fear of getting called "sir"

Where are you with the divorce? I'm sorry if I have this wrong but I thought you were considering MC or therapy for both? It's very difficult to detach but I would suggest disengaging from her behaviors so that it doesn't work on your anxieties and stress. Unfortunately our exe's know which button to push but it's up to us to change our responses by disengaging.

[seeking balance]

I have to tell you, cell phone issue was one of the most frustrating... .the company does NOT make it easy.

That said, give your stbx some options and a deadline.  Validate the "I can appreciate you don't want to be called sir today".

1.  Do you actually owe her money and is it reasonable that you deduct it as she offered?  I know it is not ideal, but is it reasonable?

2.  Are you comfortable giving a deadline - "I respect you don't want to deal with this today.  As such, how about planning to be off the plan by 8/15 and I will go ahead and deactivate at that time." 

I understand how frustrating the loose ends can be and it certainly can push us into anger and reactionary mode.  Smart move not reacting and venting.

As Mutt asked, where are you with the process itself?

Peace,

SB

[SpringInMyStep]

I do owe her money but I am going to have to make some kind of arrangements to pay that... .I'm looking into some kind of loan because I just don't have $3500 lying around. Also, if we deduct the $200 from that, she'll still be on my cell phone plan for another 11 months and I just want complete separation. I don't want her to have the benefit of her fancy phone plan and she doesn't have to pay for it.

Mutt... .so we had a blow-out on Wednesday and she moved out. I called a divorce lawyer on Friday, got a mutual friend to pick up the rest of her stuff, and feel AMAZING. There was no way to continue the relationship. She's just not the same person.

I just really want her out of my life completely without anything hanging out there unresolved.

[seeking balance]

Are you comfortable giving a deadline and following through?

[SpringInMyStep]

Yes, I am comfortable doing that. I'm going to mull things over tonight and then decide/take action tomorrow.

Another thing... .I just filled out the preliminary divorce paperwork and sent it back to the lawyer. Yay!

Once I get focused on something I don't stop till it's done.