So glad to have run across this topic--now I can put my Extreme Adaptor certificate up on the wall next to Extreme Enabler and Co-dependent.
Great discussion! And more food for thought.
You have quite the number of certificates up there don't you
And the frog in the kettle, such a good example. I think the frog should forgive itself for staying as there is not immediate threat right? So I agree with you Dreamflyer that we should work towards forgiving ourselves that we got into the situation. It's a good thing to learn to be kind to yourself. Whenever I hear myself talking badly to myself, I'd like to think of "what type of advice would I give to my best friends in this situation?" and then start talking in that way.
The adapting is something we do because we fear something, feel obligated or will feel guilt when we don't. It is important to examine what is exactly driving you to be able to change this. I fear distance, fear being alone or having to deal with things alone if I don't. The stupid thing is that I can perfectly be single and still feel okay doing lots of stuff on my own. I'm trying to incorporate those two people now - the happy single version and the relationship version. Hard work, but getting there.