coming back to life

[Depression = 72% of members]

"Coming Back To Life" - pink floyd

Where were you when I was burned and broken

While the days slipped by from my window watching

Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless

Because the things you say and the things you do surround me

While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words

Dying to believe in what you heard

I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time

While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted

Outside the rain fell dark and slow

While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the waiting had begun

And headed straight... into the shining sun

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlJ1Yvjb198

[antjs]

"Coming Back To Life" - pink floyd

Where were you when I was burned and broken

While the days slipped by from my window watching

Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless

Because the things you say and the things you do surround me

While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words

Dying to believe in what you heard

I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time

While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted

Outside the rain fell dark and slow

While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the waiting had begun

And headed straight... into the shining sun

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlJ1Yvjb198

[Mutt]

I love Pink Floyd anthony_james   I bought Momentary Lapse of Reason when I was a teen and loved this album and this song. I was going through some difficult things with my father and I would listen to this before going to bed at night.

What are you feeling when you listen to this song? What emotions are attached to this?

[antjs]

Mutt hey how are you doing ?

i feel mixed feelings. its like a bittersweet journey. these days i have severe mood swings but at least now i can laugh and make fun of myself instead of being hard and criticize myself like several months back. sometimes the narrowest roads with lots of bumps can lead you to the best places ever. i am holding on. i am being patient with myself cause i have a lot of unresolved issues to process. i have been numbing myself for too long so its coming in waves. but i know it will be ok in the end

it will sound little bit twisted but i am enjoying the pain i am feeling. its like discovering and getting to know my true self. the pain will go away but i hope the true self would stay. peace to you

[Mutt]

it will sound little bit twisted but i am enjoying the pain i am feeling. its like discovering and getting to know my true self. the pain will go away but i hope the true self would stay.

I'm good antony_james  

I understand what you mean. I saw the break-up and divorce as a chance to work on long unresolved FOO issues and really grieve the r/s as hard as it was. I think it was a wise choice.

[antjs]

Yes i am exploring foo issues bit by bit. I brought a book called (negaholics how to turn your life around) 2 years ago long before i met my ex and guess what :D the second chapter talkes about the source of negativity and guess what :D it talks about foo and how the way we talk to ourselves as adults is the same way parents talked to us during childhood. The thing that makes me going well at this process is the radical aceptance, complete honesty and being kind to myself during realizations. I am somehow enjoying the process. I feel its like a complete make over to my whole life and character. I hope i am not expecting more than necessary.

[Blimblam]

Antony do you still feel the somatic experience of the pain?

I can feel it in my chest and pit of my stomache

[Mutt]

talks about foo and how the way we talk to ourselves as adults is the same way parents talked to us during childhood. The thing that makes me going well at this process is the radical aceptance, complete honesty and being kind to myself during realizations. I am somehow enjoying the process.

I'm happy to hear that antony_james. You're talking about enlightnment. I'm glad that you are seeing the benefits of radical acceptance! I agree it took me awhile to understand that my path to a borderline woman was tied back to my FOO. It's learning to parent ourselves and giving warmth and affection to that little boy inside - our inner child.

I feel its like a complete make over to my whole life and character. I hope i am not expecting more than necessary.

I understand antony_james I feel like life was a complete make-over because I allowed myself to feel the pain and I picked up all of the pieces after the break-up. Just let it be and try not to measure where it will take you.

[antjs]

Antony do you still feel the somatic experience of the pain?

I can feel it in my chest and pit of my stomache

Blimblam. I still feel anxiety in my chest for long hours or maybe whole days. But as you know the right thing to do. I do not judge it. I let it be as it wants to be, not judge it and radically accept it. I am starting to be a human being. I used to be a human doing and numb my feelings for long. It will take time to process all these stored unpleasant feelings in the subconscious. But now blimblam we have the tools to acknowledge and process our feelings in the right way (at least i hope so). I feel like it is a new concept for me though it sounds natural to do so but i didnt for long. What about you blimblam how do you feel ?

[Blimblam]

Antony do you still feel the somatic experience of the pain?

I can feel it in my chest and pit of my stomache

Blimblam. I still feel anxiety in my chest for long hours or maybe whole days. But as you know the right thing to do. I do not judge it. I let it be as it wants to be, not judge it and radically accept it. I am starting to be a human being. I used to be a human doing and numb my feelings for long. It will take time to process all these stored unpleasant feelings in the subconscious. But now blimblam we have the tools to acknowledge and process our feelings in the right way (at least i hope so). I feel like it is a new concept for me though it sounds natural to do so but i didnt for long. What about you blimblam how do you feel ?

It feels uncomfortable and as I stay with the feeling I discover some new emotional memory that ties into my relationship to the bond itself as a sort of painful memory. When I remember it sort of peaks as an flash of potent anxiety them it overwhelms me to the point I feel like I might black out and I can barely keep myself upright. I just stay with the feeling. And after my mind puts the pieces together as to that layer of the bond, like what it was I was bonding to. The layers don't seem to end. And each layer is like shedding a part of who I thought I was.

I don't fight the feeling anymore I just lay down and let it consume me my mind gets really quite and eventually I find a sort of comfort in the overwhelming uncomfortable feeling but I don't focus on it. There will be moments when I can feel specific parts if my body holding onto tension and I will focus on those feeling and through focus and breath feel it fully and accept it and allow it to release.

[Blimblam]

I was reading one of Turkishs posts about the fear he feels in the presence of his ex. That resonated with me and In the feeling of fear in my ex rose up in me.  It has been examining and experiencing this fear allowing it to consume me and accepting it that has allowed me access to processing the uncomfortable feeling.

[Blimblam]

When you accept the pain and allow it to overwhelm you try listening To this song in the link if you read the lyrics he is clearly talking about a BPD relationship aNd rexperiencinf it Ina different light. It is an extremely powerful healing tool. The band is called tool.

www.youtu.be/1kKOzIIznJ4