anyone with insight to this behavior?

[byfaith]

My uBPDw hates it when anyone speaks badly of me to the point of her saying things to the effect of wishing to do them physical harm. (I know she wouldn't) BUT if I had to count on my one hand people in my life that have low graded me with nasty name calling when it suited their needs would be my current wife probably number one, my mom number two, my sister number three.

Is this behavior par the course for someone with BPD to want to defend someone that they love but yet  severely degrade them when they are angry?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

Yes, it's common.   I have bushy eyebrows.  My fiancé often comments on my eyebrows.  Sometimes it comes across in a "loving" way, but knowing her I know she would not comment unless she was somewhat bothered.  One day, my dad was commenting on my eyebrows.  Knowing my dad, it was a way of saying "you inherited this from me, it's annoying isn't it."  But, my fiancé could not let go of how "mean" my dad was to me!  Example 2:  the woman I dated before her was also abusive, probably also BPD or NPD.  Yet, my fiancé will sometimes comment about how mean my ex girlfriend was to me, yet she does many of the same things to me.

I'm not sure if they don't make the connection, or maybe they do and this is their outward attempt at justifying their behavior as not as bad.   At least in the case of my fiancé, I think it is related to her internal shame and lack of a sense of self.

[byfaith]

I am going to my daughter's wedding tomorrow and my wife can't stand the thought of anyone saying anything to me especially my mom. My mom informed me on Jan 1, 2014 she wanted nothing to do with me as long as I was married to my wife. This is my 2nd marriage.

My wife likened my mom and a few others as a pack of wolves (which I can't really disagree with). There are some hateful females in my family. Nice to your face and run you down behind your back. This is what makes it hard for any reconciliation between my girls who have my mom influencing them and my wife who has reached out via emails asking forgiveness and then non is returned. Then my wife gets hurt and lashes out with more emails exacerbating the situation.

[123Phoebe]

Hi byfaith

How was your daughter's wedding?  Were the ladies in your life able to set their differences aside for the good of your daughter for the night?

Hope you had a wonderful time!  Did your daughter look beautiful?

[byfaith]

Hi 123Phoebe 

Thanks for asking! It was awesome. She was beautiful  I had the honor of walking her down the isle. Yes and no one showed their tail 

[123Phoebe]

Hi 123Phoebe 

Thanks for asking! It was awesome. She was beautiful  I had the honor of walking her down the isle. Yes and no one showed their tail 

... .and no one showed their tail   So glad to hear it!

Aw, you sound like one happy proud daddy!

Here's hoping the feel good vibes continue... .