BPD by proxy/BPD in laws

[Youcantfoolme]

I know that sounds weird but is there anyone else being affected by a BPD but it's through a mutual person who is Non-BPD?. For example, my brothers wife or my Sister-in-law is the BPD. My brother is the one who deals with her, lives with her and the whole reason she's in my life at all. Since I hardly know her, I never really had any type of relationship with her. Most of our communication, is done through my brother. I guess he's sort of the middle man. Lately it almost seems as if her BPD, has rubbed off on him. Basically he's mirroring her. It seems like he does everything to enable her BPD traits and protect her, in turn, acting and reacting just as she would (or as he thinks she would).

With that said, I feel as if my brother is no longer, my brother. It's almost as if he's become her. She has completely isolated him and cut him off. I know she's not purposely brainwashing him but I could bet my bottom dollar, subconsciously, she's telling him things like, "see I told you, your family does to care about you!" Or things to that nature, In order to remain in control of him.

I'd just like to hear other people's stories. Whether it be a sister in law, a daughter in law or a son in law I'd just like to hear what others have been through and how they have dealt or are dealing with the loss of the nonBPd person.

[funfunctional]

Hi there,

Seems like a pretty common theme here that a person married to a BPD is often maniupulated.   Your brother sounds like he is eating, sleeping and breathing her "stuff" and as a result thinking like her a bit.   Not much you can do about that.   I guess I wouldn't challenge too much of her propaganda that is being vocalized thru him.   He is the parrott.   When you think of any couple after so many years they even start to look alike.  Same gestures... .similarities.   I think you are seeing this with your brother.

Try to stay out of the drama and nonsense. 

Good luck!