How much of their behavior is an deliberate attempt to make us jealous?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Of course it could all be a coincidence and most likely most of it is.

But it is a little peculiar what happened.

2 examples:

I loved her dog. She posted lots of photos with my replacement and her dog together.

I told her my plans was to marry her. She marries him very shortly after.

--

Maybe I just see these things because it hurts me, but I'm wondering if they do all this because they are love bombing the replacement or trying to make their ex jealous?

As their relationship develops with the replacement it will of course be less and less about making me jealous but more about making the current supply jealous.

[huhhuh]

Of course it could all be a coincidence and most likely most of it is.

But it is a little peculiar what happened.

2 examples:

I loved her dog. She posted lots of photos with my replacement and her dog together.

I told her my plans was to marry her. She marries him very shortly after.

--

Maybe I just see these things because it hurts me, but I'm wondering if they do all this because they are love bombing the replacement or trying to make their ex jealous?

As their relationship develops with the replacement it will of course be less and less about making me jealous but more about making the current supply jealous.

[Pieter2]

Yep - It's all about making you jealous. My ex actually told me when we got together that she wants to organise a get together with all her ex's to show them that she has me. How ridiculous, childish and blatant? The new guy is always just to show off. Some advice: Go no contact on her and you'll see how quickly she loses interest in him too. At least that's what happened with me. Then tried contacting my family to tell them how "amazing" her new guy is. When they cut her out, she left him. Poor guy. Be glad you are not the one she married. Phew... .

[huhhuh]

My ex actually told me when we got together that she wants to organise a get together with all her ex's to show them that she has me. How ridiculous, childish and blatant?

LOL. That put a smile on my face. very childish.

Mine was more about showing me of to her female friends, that she had a better man than them.  Guess I wasn't so good after all since I got replaced

[Infared]

Huhhuh...

Will never be sure (I am not a jealous person), but now I think a number of things she did was to make me jealous when we were together. The things she did were to manipulate me in a certain way I think now. Like to scare me into marriage, perhaps  (Boy... .that is soo NOT love).

After she ran off with new hero she/they did many things to make me jealous (like 6th graders.).

I was never jealous of "him"... .God knows he is being lied to and cheated on, too.

The whole situation just left me totally disillusioned and sad.

... but I think there often was an undercurrent of behavior to cause jealousy. Very childish, but in the dynamic, perhaps for them jealousy=proof-of-love?

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, people who stopped developing early in life because they were traumatized will do childish things.  In our pain we sometimes stoop to their level, so if you want to hurt a borderline back, in the best way possible, just abandon them; fear of abandonment is at the core of the disorder, and being abandoned is the worst thing that could ever happen inside that pathology.  A lot of the things a borderline does during and after the relationship are to test you, to see if an attachment still exists, and if you have some emotion tied to something they did, good or bad, and they see it, the attachment is still there, and the bad stuff tends to confirm it better.  So just disappear, which gets you a little revenge if you're so inclined, but also the disappearing becomes a substitute, a distraction, which eventually becomes your new life, as the focus shifts from the past to the future, one foot in front of the other.  It's a brand new world, one we make on our own terms.

[Caredverymuch]

Yes, people who stopped developing early in life because they were traumatized will do childish things.  In our pain we sometimes stoop to their level, so if you want to hurt a borderline back, in the best way possible, just abandon them; fear of abandonment is at the core of the disorder, and being abandoned is the worst thing that could ever happen inside that pathology.  A lot of the things a borderline does during and after the relationship are to test you, to see if an attachment still exists, and if you have some emotion tied to something they did, good or bad, and they see it, the attachment is still there, and the bad stuff tends to confirm it better.  So just disappear, which gets you a little revenge if you're so inclined, but also the disappearing becomes a substitute, a distraction, which eventually becomes your new life, as the focus shifts from the past to the future, one foot in front of the other.  It's a brand new world, one we make on our own terms.

Valid insight.  Quite truthful. Its a new world!

[trappedinlove]

I met with my uBPDxso after she broke up with her bf with whom she said she had a short r/s but had deep feelings and she told me she kept seeing a younger guy while with her bf that she has a special r/s with, he understands her and has no needs from her, they had sex and great time together and kept seeing each other as platonic friends.  Anyhow, she explicitly told me how her bf was jealous of her friendship with a grin on her face.  So I felt I'm in a mad triple decker story where she's trying to make me jealous by telling me stuff about ex #3 whom she made jealous by keep seeing ex #2.

Where our r/s took place while she had a major r/s with a partner for 10 years and I don't know if that was to make him jealous or not.  FWIW, At the time she said that she felt she loves us both... .

She told me about her fantasy or dream to have a polyamorous life with several male partners if only she could.  Each fulfilling some of her needs.  It wasn't about making everybody jealous or causing pain to anybody.  Maybe on the contrary.  She wished all would accept her needs for polyamorous relationships and wouldn't be jealos of each other.

On the other hand she did admit that certain things she did or told me in the past she noticed she hurt me and it related to her being bad and finding joy in teasing / possibly hurting others.  One example is when she told me she might be pregnant from her bf and see how I'd react.

Boy, when I remind myself of all this insanity, it feels so weird and it's even weirder I still care for her and miss her.

[bungenstein]

My ex told me on 3 occasions that she had cheated on me, only to back track minutes after and say she hadn't cheated on me, she just wanted to hurt me, she wanted me to feel pain.

I don't know if she actually did or not, its so confusing.

[Infared]

TrappeinLove, Bugenstein... .

I assume you guys are looking for love and a relationship... .so I will say this to me as I say it to you... .whatever that is you are talking about... it most certainly is not love.

It looks more like sick, hurtful behavior from a mentally ill person perhaps?

There is no chance of a healthy relationship there.

[bungenstein]

I know its not love, love for her is need, which is fear. I know there was only one reason she wanted to be with me, was she liked what I looked like, its all she talked about, and to her that was love, but everything else about me was never good enough, but I think its common for BPD's to only see the superficial.

Oh and constant more attempts to make me jealous, openly flirting with guys all the time, leading them on enough that they were sending her flowers or champagne. She even put some flowers a guy had sent her on our kitchen table at home, and then she was cross because I didn't get jealous.

She would constantly tell me about guys chatting her up, constantly tell me how guys pampered her and did anything she wanted.

Yet I got a full on rage storm for so much as looking at a girl.

I don't understand how anyone could commit themselves to staying in a relationship with these people, with behaviour like that there is no trust, and no trust = no relationship.

[Infared]

"Oh and constant more attempts to make me jealous, openly flirting with guys all the time, leading them on enough that they were sending her flowers or champagne. She even put some flowers a guy had sent her on our kitchen table at home"

I say this with a spot of humor:

                         

[bungenstein]

Haha, how the hell did I get as far as moving in with her?     

[myself]

My ex did many things to make me jealous. Admitted she was doing so. Said she did it to get a reaction out of me. Then when I reacted, broke up with me because she can't stand jealous people in her life. Said jealousy is a way to control somebody (but manipulating me to feel that way was not?).

I walked. She stayed away for awhile, then chased after me, promising things would different. We eventually got back together, but when I saw her patterns had not changed, and she played those cards again, I walked away again and have kept going. This love and life stuff isn't a game to me.

PwBPD don't feel good about themselves, or connected, so they stir up FOG and obsession to keep us hooked. It's up to us to play along or not.

[eagle755]

I literally just came on here because I got angry because I finally saw the new hero after 4 months bu. It was a picture of him playing Xbox and holding the dog we bought. Xbox being something I did all the time and she always took pictures of me playing. Not as angry now, but yeah. That's weird that she also uses the dog as a jealousy mechanism. Don't think anything of it. We must accept what is and move on. Feel sorry for the new guy, he'll be on here with all of us eventually haha.

[camuse]

One of the weirdest things my ex did to make me jealous/insecure was a bizarre lie about the house she lived in with her ex. She was still in touch with him and often slagged him off when I was painted white, and went on about what a great person he was when i was black . But she liked to criticise my house, she hated it, and often told me about the amazing house they had lived in, all the work they had done to it together, the beautiful wooden windows they bought for it and expensive furnishings. She missed that house, and he ex would have her back at any time, blah blah and if only they could have made it work, how happy they would be in their amazing lovenest that was so much nicer than my horrible dump.

Well just after we split up I took her stuff to that house, where she was staying (probably used her ex as a replacement) and when I got there, I realised I had the wrong address. She had given me the number of a house which was falling to bits, in a terrible area, gangs hanging round, door hanging off the front of the house, rotting old windows. It looked like it was ready for demolition! It made mine look like something off Cribs in comparison :D Well you can guess the rest! She came out of the door, and indeed this was the amazing house. I said, hang on this isn't how you described it! She just ignored me and changed the subject. I always took her at face value, but this lie showed me that probably she lied about all sorts of things, and I'll never know.

[camuse]

I literally just came on here because I got angry because I finally saw the new hero after 4 months bu. It was a picture of him playing Xbox and holding the dog we bought. Xbox being something I did all the time and she always took pictures of me playing. Not as angry now, but yeah. That's weird that she also uses the dog as a jealousy mechanism. Don't think anything of it. We must accept what is and move on. Feel sorry for the new guy, he'll be on here with all of us eventually haha.

This would upset me also, but remember - he's the new victim, and probably doesn't deserve what he has got coming. She probably hoped you'd see it - don't let it have the desired effect.

[Waifed]

Great question.  After almost a year of processing all of the craziness the answer in my case is... .I have no clue 

[Blimblam]

for them it was never about us... it was about about them and the projected parts of them.  At all times part of them is trying to make an old attachement or the new attachment jealous.  But it is all about them and their inner drama. The are always at conflict with themselves and it is all merely a relection of that