Mysterious injury: Is uBPD mom to blame?

[Levi78]

I've suffered from serious pain in my right foot as long as I can remember. I'm now 37 and finally got myself into a podiatrist's office. (At this point, the pain is beginning to interfere with my life.) X-rays showed severe arthritis in the subtalar joint. This arthritis is common among people who've experienced a serious injury. I have no memory of any injury, just years and years of pain. My podiatrist seemed genuinely perplexed. It just didn't add up to him.

Is it possible that I suffered a physical trauma in early childhood that I'm too young to remember? Is this yet another gift from my uBPD mother? She was definitely a bigtime neglecter -- could something have happened under her watch that caused this probable injury?

So I asked her. Very casually, as not to tip her off: "By the way, do you remember any accidents or foot injuries when I was a small child? My doc was just wondering... ." (Mom has never believed that I have a real foot problem. She does however like to point out my limp. She mocked me throughout my teen years, even made up a nickname in Portuguese that basically means "gimpy."

Her answer: "Oh, I don't remember any injury. Must have happened when your father was watching you."

Of course I will never know if a trauma occurred. Even if it did, I'm sure mom has rewritten history to erase it. I imagine myself as an innocent baby, getting my foot slammed in a door. Or getting stepped on. I cry and cry, but she doesn't take me to a doctor. No child deserves a mother capable of that.

[HappyChappy]

No child deserves a mother capable of that.

You're right no child deserves that. Calling your own child a gimp. But now you know, you can walk away from such rubbish, rise above it, or simply never see her again. 

My mother loved talking about the time she droped me as a child - would make her chuckle. Now she has no one to tell these stories too.   

[JohnLove]

Ugh!... .a whole new level of revolting.   

[Levi78]

I am LC with uBPD mom. (My brother went full NC about 8 years ago.) I'm generally in a good place in my life but this foot thing is MADDENING. Exercise has been instrumental for my mental health, but all I can do now is swim. I hate being limited. I will likely have to have the bones in my foot fused, just to maintain pain-free walking.

Sorry if this all sounds whiny. Feels better to vent my suspicions though.

[Turkish]

When I was 3, my mom got angry trying to get a slipper onto my foot. She ended up spraining my ankle. I probably wouldn't have remembered it unless she told me. Strangely, i remember the incident (even what the slippers looked and felt like), but not the pain. I imagine I dissociated that part? I'm sorry that happend to you. My sprained ankle doesn't even compare.

[Ziggiddy]

Levi your post gave me a chill - as did some of the comments in this thread. it is only lately that I am really seeing how very twisted BPD thinking and behaviour can be - especially to kids who should be cherished and treasured not derided and called names and made fun of.

My brother also has an unidentified pain in his feet or his foot at times. i firmly believe that some kind of trauma occurred for the simple fact it fits the bill - possibly for you too. Your suspicions are based on something aren't they? Personally I trust my gut instinct and having seen other sadistic behaviour (and shamefully having been part of it my own self without really realising the nature of it - being egged on by uBPDm) am inclined to think this is likely what happened to you. As you described. I mean you can't know for sure but even when we're little our brains are recording things - everything. Often what the subconscious floats out has some basis in fact (although not always)

It's a shame that you don't have an independent person to help you learn it but I guess your brain and body will let you know whatever it can tell you as you become ready to hear/ understand.

My mother used to encourage me to pinch my baby sister - couldn't have been older than 2-3 months - because she thought it was funny when she was about to cry. Also to scrae her with a grotesque face mask. Quite sick and perverted really. It makes me dizzy and nauseous to think of it now.

I'm so sorry you didn't have a mother who looked after you properly. I can't describe how angry it makes me to think that a mother would treat her kid like that.

Ziggiddy