surprise wedding

[lucy van pelt]

So grateful for this airing board!  Been dealing with my 26 yr. old DD, who began exhibiting signs of BPD at 12 yrs. old.  For all this time s  he has had an extreme binge eating disorder and if she had any money it would burn a hole in her pocket.  Her father and I sent her to a place to lose the weight and she ended up not only regaining all the weight plus some, but the extra load of young man she had met there that she just married. My husband and I have no respect for either of them; we pay the rent and her cell phone bill, and until recently our daughter was receiving money for food and medication.  When she told us that she was married ( 2 weeks after the fact), I told her that she was his problem now.  I don't know if this was the best move, but I am so tired of this.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

Hello lucy van pelt  

I am sorry that you are having a difficult time with your daughter and I'm pleased that you have found this site. There are many of us with adult children on the parents board

Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board


When we find ourselves giving more help to an adult child with BPD than we are comfortable with it can lead to resentment.

There has been a lot of discussion on the parent's board recently about the line between supporting and enabling.

To the right side of the board are a series of "tools" for improving communication amongst which is one about sticking to boundaries.

I think it might help if you were to think carefully about what help you are prepared to give and for how long and also about what is beyond your limits. Once you have decided this there is help on the parent's board with how to communicate this to her.


I don't want to overwhelm you with too much information but I hope you will join us on the parent's board and take your time to read through the information there.

I have an adult child with BPD and I have found a great deal of support and constructive advice there.

[NorthernGirl]

Hello lucy van pelt. I'll join lever in welcoming you to our community. You've come to a good place.

It sounds like you've come to the end of your rope in dealing with your daughter. I'm sure it has been exhausted and frustrating.

Please join the other members on the parenting board lever mentioned. You will find people who know what you are going through. And you will find some tools and information that will help you. Even though you can't control your daughter, you can manage how you interact.

Was your daughter diagnosed as BPD at some point? Has she had any counseling or therapy?

Keep posting so we know how we can help!

[HealingSpirit]

Hi Lucy van pelt,

I'd like to join Lever and NorthernGirl in welcoming you to the Parenting Board and BPD Family. 

now."  You get a break for a while.  And you're NOT alone.  So many of us have been exhausted and at the end of our rope with our BPD offspring.

What an absolute nightmare!  Their secret wedding must have felt like a slap in the face after all you've done to help her.  I hear how angry and hurt you feel!  But, once you're past the hurt, maybe this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise.  Like you said, "She is his problem

My own DD17 was officially diagnosed with BPD after her latest cutting event landed her in a mental hospital for a 3-day hold.  She's supposed to be taking meds and going to therapy, but she has recently quit the meds and denies that she has any problems, other than she can't wait to move in with her BF in another state.

I've noticed a trend here... .many, many BPD teens and adults seem to need to do things their own way.  They make the same mistakes over and over again.  Grief and resentment are common feelings we parents share, along with FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt).   Please feel free to tell us more!  It really helps to vent your feelings here with people who know what you're going through.

Lever pointed you to the "Tools" to the right of this board.  I strongly recommend you go through them.  I think you'll find it validating and helpful for YOU to sort out all your feelings about your DD's sudden marriage.  And it may give you back a sense of control that there ARE things YOU can do to improve your relationship with your DD, when you're ready.  It is so hard to love someone who loves and depends on you one minute, then hates you the next!

Hang in there!