I have been on the Leaving board and now feeling more undecided. I attempted, but failed to do NC for a while. It was a one way LC in reality meaning I would text her briefly every week or two with no response for three or four months. Not hearing from her made it easier for me. I felt she was either seeing someone or just furious with me. Things ended badly with me telling her she was a psycho for stringing me along. I was split wanting to have hope, but the part of me wanting to burn the bridges would have enough and just give her the blunt truth.
Obviously, from my perspective I wanted her. Earlier in the year we spent a long time with me being patient, not pressuring her at all, and her saying she wanted to reconcile, wanted a future, etc, then she backed away when we were about to start. We essentially spent a month texting, where I finally said - enough we live and work close enough we need to see each other, or not. So we've been apart since then. That was earlier in the year.
I pinged her around July 4th and said that I felt no closure which is true. She replied to me telling me sorry, that she missed me too, she wanted to come visit me, etc. Then she revealed she had seen someone else in the interim and that she still thought of me all the time, and that she told him, and that she tried three or four times to break off with him. That he didn't get the "hint." Ironically, the reason I did leave her many other times before was because I felt I was being "hinted" to leave, and yet she always claims abandonment. Typical BPD behavior. I figured she had seen someone and I felt pretty neutral about it. After all, the past three times, I left her.
To be honest I was hoping more to hear from her, no chance we can ever be together, that she had moved on and was happy. Or that she hadn't been seeing anyone and was ready to try. I didn't want this confusing nonsense... It was more limbo, and yet it got me hoping, and I WANTED hope. But I realize you know, it's my responsibility to back off completely in that case. So it's been a tougher month than I should have allowed. I saw her one other time at her house just to talk.
After seeing her this past weekend I spent some days anxious but I'm feeling much more level today. I was doing much better during the LC/NC phase not hearing at all from her. Something I realized as months of NC went by.
I guess what I seek to do is find a lasting closure one way or the other. I don't think after being intimate with her and getting anxious due to the non-relationship I should just put a complete halt to things and say I'm leaving now. I know that type of exit yet again won't leave me feeling like I am over-her. We've done that too much.
I have a two year old son with my exBPD fiance. I have to have contact with her, you my friend have a choice!
In the past we have recycled, guess what? As Mutt said the honeymoon lasted a few weeks, then came the devaluation and accusations of cheating. I had enough of the push and pull!
She has had flings with two men since May which she told me about. She was a way for a month working in a hospital in Africa, before she left we had sex. She then spent the month telling me she missed me and loved me.
We had sex when she returned and spent time as a family together. Since she returned the professions of love have stopped, she has to state "we're not together you know". She was telling me different while in Africa.
I then found out she was still messaging one of the guys from before. He's a player and just wants to sleep with her!
My message to you, they feel they miss you from a distance, once they know they have you, they will devalue and think "no this isn't what I want".
Messaging the other guy was her way of being validated, made to feel sexy and wanted. Even though he is only after sex!
To a BPD feelings = facts. When apart they feel they love you = fact. When they get you, they feel it will never work = fact
One would think they are intentionally playing games, they are not. They are indecisive, they panic, they push and they pull, all subconsciously!
If you get back with her, it will sour, you will break up and it will hurt. Maybe next time you'll find out she has been cheating on you! How much will that hurt?
Be polite, be curtious, don't engage on I love you, I want you. Its not worth it! My ex is hot, very hot, but she is crazy, shes a poor mother and she doesn't know her own mind.
Stay away! I don't have a choice, you are choosing to prolong the pain.
