Do BPDs improve with age?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I haven't read a ton saying so, but I've stumbled across enough resources that say the pwBPD improves/settles down with age and I'm uncomfortable with this piece of information for a variety of reasons.  My husband is 40 and at that standard "mid life crisis" stage.  When reading about them improving with age, my guilt comes rushing back and I can't help but struggle with insecure feelings and thoughts.  I do chase that insecurity away pretty well, but it's there.  I have to constantly remind myself of the misery and chaos I strongly desired to escape from while I was in the relationship.  I know I shouldn't care whether or not he finds happiness elsewhere.

What are your thoughts? 

[Hope0807]

I haven't read a ton saying so, but I've stumbled across enough resources that say the pwBPD improves/settles down with age and I'm uncomfortable with this piece of information for a variety of reasons.  My husband is 40 and at that standard "mid life crisis" stage.  When reading about them improving with age, my guilt comes rushing back and I can't help but struggle with insecure feelings and thoughts.  I do chase that insecurity away pretty well, but it's there.  I have to constantly remind myself of the misery and chaos I strongly desired to escape from while I was in the relationship.  I know I shouldn't care whether or not he finds happiness elsewhere.

What are your thoughts? 

[elessar]

From what I have read, many calm down a bit as they age. I have also read enough horror stories of BPDs in their 60s. I have read stories of things getting worse after the mid-life crisis period. The part of me that wanted her to be part of my life wished she would get better with age. The part of me that resents her for replacing me fears that I suffered through her BPD period, and the next guy will get the reap the calmness of a more mature person. 

Is your husband diagnosed and in therapy? That might help a lot as he ages. If not, its really a lottery I think. You have to decide according to what you see, not what it could be. He could improve, but you aren't sure about it. What you are sure of he what he is today, and/or if he is making an effort to improve. Hope this helped.

[Hope0807]

elessar,

What a perfect response, thank you!  He is not diagnosed and is also in total denial about being addicted to a multitude of drugs as well.  I've been pillars holding up his world in every way, shape, and form…only I had absolutely no idea WHY he was such a mess until recently.  I feel EXACTLY as you wrote here about the parts of us that "wish" and "resent".  In short, if my uBPDexH does not wind up in prison or dead in the next few years I will be amazed.  I fall asleep every night and wake up every morning praying that his heart (no matter next to whom) is still beating.  Thank again for a perfectly stated response.

From what I have read, many calm down a bit as they age. I have also read enough horror stories of BPDs in their 60s. I have read stories of things getting worse after the mid-life crisis period. The part of me that wanted her to be part of my life wished she would get better with age. The part of me that resents her for replacing me fears that I suffered through her BPD period, and the next guy will get the reap the calmness of a more mature person. 

Is your husband diagnosed and in therapy? That might help a lot as he ages. If not, its really a lottery I think. You have to decide according to what you see, not what it could be. He could improve, but you aren't sure about it. What you are sure of he what he is today, and/or if he is making an effort to improve. Hope this helped.

[elessar]

You are welcome hope

You brought up something important that had slipped my mind. My ex always said even back in college that she doesn't think she will live past her mid-30s, nor does she want to. At that time we weren't even dating and nothing was wrong with her in my eyes. Now that she turned 30 last month, I keep worrying that she is nearing that age. I am sure she won't do anything, but considering she has tried suicide before, is in complete denial that anything is wrong with her (because she just got a new supply... .a guy who proposed to marry her... .arranged marriage)... .I don't know what will happen in a few years.

I hope your ex-husband is healthy. We can never wish physical ill on them (even if I sometimes wish my ex suffers just a little through karma... .). I have been on two other forums where I have read actual BPDs posting their thoughts. The only way they accepted help was when they reached absolute rock bottom with no one there to help them and nowhere else to go. Only then they might go seek help. But if they can dig deeper than rock bottom, they will keep digging and digging and refuse treatment as if its the plague. the idea that something might be wrong with them terrifies them and shames them. It shouldn't because mental illness isnt their fault. but they see it as a defect and they can't be defective. oh if I had a penny every time my ex obsessed over a single pimple or scratch on her face and how many hours she spent fixing them. they rarely accept any defect in them, physically or personality-wise.

[Hope0807]

Yes!  They totally shun the idea that something is wrong and view themselves as defective, you are absolutely right.  My ex readily referred to people with "weak minds" and pointed a large finger at "THOSE drug addicts…losers…" the list went on and on.  I surfed through his rages and impulsivity and even failed to recognize the frequent crust at his nostrils as what it really was and SO SO much more.  I've never felt like a bigger idiot.  And to answer your question, no, he's not in good health at all.  I was stunned year after year at the multitude of health issues.  Interesting what you mentioned about your ex having that feeling about age 30.  When our relationship was new, my ex told me on numerous occasions that he would have probably been dead in a few years if he hadn't met me.  He told me I saved his life and that I was his angel.  At the time, I thought he was a bit dramatic and free with the compliments.  Now I look back and wonder if there was some truth in that…only now that memory haunts me a bit and brings on some guilt as I feel and realize - I am powerless to save him. 

You are welcome hope

You brought up something important that had slipped my mind. My ex always said even back in college that she doesn't think she will live past her mid-30s, nor does she want to. At that time we weren't even dating and nothing was wrong with her in my eyes. Now that she turned 30 last month, I keep worrying that she is nearing that age. I am sure she won't do anything, but considering she has tried suicide before, is in complete denial that anything is wrong with her (because she just got a new supply... .a guy who proposed to marry her... .arranged marriage)... .I don't know what will happen in a few years.

I hope your ex-husband is healthy. We can never wish physical ill on them (even if I sometimes wish my ex suffers just a little through karma... .). I have been on two other forums where I have read actual BPDs posting their thoughts. The only way they accepted help was when they reached absolute rock bottom with no one there to help them and nowhere else to go. Only then they might go seek help. But if they can dig deeper than rock bottom, they will keep digging and digging and refuse treatment as if its the plague. the idea that something might be wrong with them terrifies them and shames them. It shouldn't because mental illness isnt their fault. but they see it as a defect and they can't be defective. oh if I had a penny every time my ex obsessed over a single pimple or scratch on her face and how many hours she spent fixing them. they rarely accept any defect in them, physically or personality-wise.

[elessar]

I dont know what it is about 30. Mine turned 30 a month back. When she was 21, she had already planned XYZ things of her life by 30. When she came back 4 yrs back, she was stressed out how she hasnt reached her 30 goal. When she turned 29 last year, she became a wild party girl and got obsessed with marriage because 30 was coming. And when she turned 30, she said yes to the first guy her parents had picked for her two weeks after she turned 30. Did your ex calm down a bit after getting over the 30 hump?

[hergestridge]

They don't learn and therefore they don't develop or grow. How they handle that I guess it down to individual differences. I recognize that thing about not being confortable with aging.

Leaving youth must be hard for a person with BPD because it means more responsibilty they can't handle. Many people get away with their BPD behavior as teenagers and young adults but after that.

My wife changed dramatically after 30. She became like her dad. Couldn't meet one-on-one with people anymore. Had to be with groups of people where she could be the "clown" (when she had a good day). On bad days she withdrew and sulked. She found a normal talk totally suffocating.

[Rise_Again]

I dont know what it is about 30.

This is just a random guess, and I have no actual proof or evidence backing this up, but I think turning 30 holds the same significance for them as it does for most of us. Only magnified and distorted by the disorder, the way everything in their lives is.

[camuse]

Mine was obsessed with age. At 28 she cried if anyone mentioned her getting older. She wanted to stay young, live like a student, take drugs, party, be a hedonist. She has virtually no possessions and no money. I know these things aren't the be all and end all of life at all, but in her case it seemed deliberate.

At the same time she was distressed seeing her friends all begin to settle down, get mortgages etc. Growing up basically. She didn't want to grow up, but seeing others do disturbed her. I made her feel old. She hated stability but was also jealous of it. She never wanted kids, then she wanted them now. She had no idea what she actually wanted.

In her previous relationship she did buy a house with him and they spent a couple of years and a lot of money doing the house up. As soon as it was finished, she left for no real reason to become homeless again until she found me a few days later.

She turned 30 just before we split up, and went to live on the floor of a house of stoners, replacing me with one of them who could offer her a place to sleep.

[sirius]

I was with my exBPgf since she was 17yo, we broke up 2 months before her 30th BD in March.

I didnt know anything about BPD until after we b/u.

When I was with her, she was 17 and I was 28, I see thought that the tantrums and traits were as if they were childish and was immature and I was patient thinking that as she grow older she will mature and these things will be gone. I was wrong.

She evolved and manifested not becoming a better person but becoming a more advance BPD. She couldnt drive and I taught her how to drive, gave her a nice car. She used that freedom to meet up people and lied to me. I groomed her to be successfull in her career and she used that to meet find my replacements.

As they grow older, they became more intelligent, more manipulative, more of everything BPD but in a very advance way. Controlling manner.

They get better being BPD for themselves as they aged and not better for us.

[sirius]

By the way, 30 was somesort of a benchmark for my ex as she was planning her retirement at 30 way back when she was 20yo. Last year she was planning a big party for her 30th BD as well.

By the time we b/u, on her BD she went for a vacation we planned few months back before the b/u.

She had plans to get married at 23 and have a baby at 24, we missed the dateline and whenever the subject of marriage came up, she said the dateline was missed and i ruined her plans and life. Occasionally she will be talking about marriage and having kids. When I come up with a plan for it, she blamed me again and again for missing out on the datelines.

[Ihope2]

Hi Hope0807,

You wrote in one of your above postings "In short, if my uBPDexH does not wind up in prison or dead in the next few years I will be amazed.  I fall asleep every night and wake up every morning praying that his heart (no matter next to whom) is still beating. ".  This really touches me.  I felt and to some extent still feel the same way about my BPDexh.  Especially given his already dramatic/traumatic life history of drug addiction, being involved in illegal activity and gangs, and having been in prison for 10 days awaiting trial but then having all charges of theft and dealing in heroin dropped by his father.

I too pray for him each day, that he does not spin out and go back to that self-defeating, damaging and dangerous life.  He is turning 37 this year and has had the most disjointed, traumatic life that I have ever heard of, if I am to believe most of what he did disclose to me.

My take on the whole improving with age thing, is that the natural aging process probably slows most people down physiologically, so that they just do not remain at the same energy levels as in their younger years. This probably helps "calm" down the effects of BPD, as this PD involves a lot of high-energy, "acting out" type of behaviour.  But, I do not think the aging and slowing down process alone will make much of a positive difference.  Unless the person gains some type of insight into themselves, some self-awareness and willingness to admit their condition and want to work at it, plus have access to the right type of therapy; I do not see how they can make life-changing improvement.  The damage runs so deep.  In so many cases, people with BPD come from such a background of abuse and invalidation and trauma, that only years and years of therapy and a willingness to work on internal change could make any difference to how they have developed as a person.

[Dutched]

On topic.

Studies implicate that it get’s less severe with age, however that are studies based on those BPDs who had treatment, those who where visible for the medical world.

Now, how many of our (ex) partners did have treatment?

Another question that arises is, when/how and/or does a BPD ever understand/recognize their problem?

With age we develop our skills, get better insights, wiser, etc.  As also human being a BPD too, BUT  emotionally the disorder prevents them to grow in that area.

As from my long experience (30+ yrs.), yes it gets worse when they get older. ExW is mid50 now. She was HF, their behaviour is almost only visible for their partner and or within the 4 walls of the house. 

Outside she was most social and highly appreciated in the community. Good education and ditto steady job for a 12 yrs. now

Her behaviour really started to escalate as from her early 40ties, hormones…

Further, applicable for me and others over here with a r/s for a 25+ yrs. a part of a text I found:

Abrupt departures during mid-life are particularly significant, because while she could have been exhibiting borderline symptoms for decades, these may become far more pronounced during marked hormonal changes, such as pre- or peri-menopause… . which can easily catalyze more acting-out behaviours.

[Tibbles]

Mine got worse with age. It was "liveable" until 40 , then a major health crisis sent the BPD out of control. I guess loosing control over his health meant he had to control everything else that much more. So for me - much much worse after 40 which is why at 50 I'm getting divorced. Sucks!

[Infared]

My BPD is 45+. I have been total NC for years. ... based on her (at least what I think I know) current relationship... .her last attempt to contact me showed me that she is still:

Selfish

Immature

Manipulative

Controlling (passive aggressively)

Dishonest

Playing Victim

That is just my experience with one person, though... .for what it is worth.

[Forestaken]

My BPD is 45+. I have been total NC for years. ... based on her (at least what I think I know) current relationship... .her last attempt to contact me showed me that she is still:

Selfish

Immature

Manipulative

Controlling (passive aggressively)

Dishonest

Playing Victim

That is just my experience with one person, though... .for what it is worth.

My Xw is 54 and sound the same but also uses the bible to attack me now.

[elessar]

My Xw is 54 and sound the same but also uses the bible to attack me now.[/quote]
Mine turned deeply towards religion again this year after letting go for last couple of years, and then slammed me by saying she doesn't think i will be a good father to her future kids because she wants a man who will make sure there is religion in her children's lives, while I am someone who believes in never forcing beliefs on anyone. I never understood her and religion - not a single action of her falls under any good religious category, but she wants to have the most religious household possible. Appearance perhaps, to show a happy pious face to the world?

[Infared]

My Xw is 54 and sound the same but also uses the bible to attack me now.

Mine turned deeply towards religion again this year after letting go for last couple of years, and then slammed me by saying she doesn't think i will be a good father to her future kids because she wants a man who will make sure there is religion in her children's lives, while I am someone who believes in never forcing beliefs on anyone. I never understood her and religion - not a single action of her falls under any good religious category, but she wants to have the most religious household possible. Appearance perhaps, to show a happy pious face to the world?[/quote]
Yeah... .and "religion" caused/causes MOST of wars in the world which are based on hatred and anger and need to control others who do not imbue the same "religion" ( I will not use the word "faith" there... .it would be a desecration! LOL). ... basically "if you are not like me I want to hurt you, enslave you, take what you have and kill you, just because you are not like me."  No love there... just FEAR. Spirituality is where it is at. Not religion.  I am sticking with that.

I think that I see a correlation there with what you are saying about your BPD. No?

(just an aside... "future kids" ? she is 54 years old right?   huh?  LOL!

[Mr Hollande]

Religion is as good a crutch as any other in the quest to pretend being a decent and fulfilled human being. Mine had animal rights and the Israel/Palestine conflict high on the agenda. She was most concerned about the suffering children of Gaza yet seemed to think very little of the pain she causes to those who love her.

[elessar]

Yeah... .and "religion" caused/causes MOST of wars in the world which are based on hatred and anger and need to control others who do not imbue the same "religion" ( I will not use the word "faith" there... .it would be a desecration! LOL). ... basically "if you are not like me I want to hurt you, enslave you, take what you have and kill you, just because you are not like me."  No love there... just FEAR. Spirituality is where it is at. Not religion.  I am sticking with that.

I think that I see a correlation there with what you are saying about your BPD. No?

(just an aside... "future kids" ? she is 54 years old right?   huh?  LOL![/quote]
Infrared,

If someone who knew me read what you wrote, they would think it is me in one of my rants. Lol! But since there are some religious people on these boards, out of respect for them I didn't go on that rant. But yes, I feel you what you are saying. As a child I was religious, and as I grew up and read obsessively everything there is to read about it and saw the world around me, I let go of it.

Religion has been one of the biggest causes of her issues. And the more it suppresses her, the stronger she clings to it. She is 30 now. Couple of years back her brother prohibited her from going outside in jeans. No sir, she has to be fully covered in a burqa. She doesn't even practice it anymore (but she believes she does)! Now she goes out in dresses... .or at least covers herself over her dresses and once in the car takes everything off... .Whatever they practice, they call it religion. But when we point out the forced nature of these practices, they call it "culture". Hate the hypocrisy. But she wants to believe that she is religious. And what did her parents and siblings tell us - "if you marry this person (infidel) who is going to hell, we will kill both of you." This is in New York City man. I am like... .can I please just call the police on them and send them back to the country where they would gladly live in their idealistic 7th century norms. Anyway, that's me being bitter. Its like her father says, well she has the choice to do what she wants... .but we will kill her or cut her off from our lives. That's some real "choice". "Oh we are tolerant people, but we believe that you are going to hell". I have so many religious friends who call themselves tolerant but homosexuality (and a hundred other things) is a sin because it is a "fact" for them. I am like... .do you even understand the meaning of the word "tolerant"?

And what made me laugh about your post is that I have a blog and my last post was an essay on "Faith is beautiful"; my today's post will be "religion isn't faith", and tomorrow's post will be "my journey from religion to spirituality" (and tolerance). haha. but we have digressed from the original post... .

[elessar]

Religion is as good a crutch as any other in the quest to pretend being a decent and fulfilled human being.

You win my quote of the day. We are in a society where you can be a very bad person, but if you are known as religious people will look at you differently. On the other hand, you can be Mother Teresa and if people think you are non-religious, they will assume you are without morals or any foundation. Or at least thats the world I live in.

Her uncles are child abusers, but they are all religious folks and even after she and her sister (both were abused!) told their father couple of years back, he didn't do anything. Why? they were his brothers and he didn't want "outsiders" to know his family's dirty secrets. my ex's reason in college was "no one would believe a girl over a religious man".

[Infared]

Yeah... .and "religion" caused/causes MOST of wars in the world which are based on hatred and anger and need to control others who do not imbue the same "religion" ( I will not use the word "faith" there... .it would be a desecration! LOL). ... basically "if you are not like me I want to hurt you, enslave you, take what you have and kill you, just because you are not like me."  No love there... just FEAR. Spirituality is where it is at. Not religion.  I am sticking with that.

I think that I see a correlation there with what you are saying about your BPD. No?

(just an aside... "future kids" ? she is 54 years old right?   huh?  LOL!

Infrared,

If someone who knew me read what you wrote, they would think it is me in one of my rants. Lol! But since there are some religious people on these boards, out of respect for them I didn't go on that rant. But yes, I feel you what you are saying. As a child I was religious, and as I grew up and read obsessively everything there is to read about it and saw the world around me, I let go of it.

Religion has been one of the biggest causes of her issues. And the more it suppresses her, the stronger she clings to it. She is 30 now. Couple of years back her brother prohibited her from going outside in jeans. No sir, she has to be fully covered in a burqa. She doesn't even practice it anymore (but she believes she does)! Now she goes out in dresses... .or at least covers herself over her dresses and once in the car takes everything off... .Whatever they practice, they call it religion. But when we point out the forced nature of these practices, they call it "culture". Hate the hypocrisy. But she wants to believe that she is religious. And what did her parents and siblings tell us - "if you marry this person (infidel) who is going to hell, we will kill both of you." This is in New York City man. I am like... .can I please just call the police on them and send them back to the country where they would gladly live in their idealistic 7th century norms. Anyway, that's me being bitter. Its like her father says, well she has the choice to do what she wants... .but we will kill her or cut her off from our lives. That's some real "choice". "Oh we are tolerant people, but we believe that you are going to hell". I have so many religious friends who call themselves tolerant but homosexuality (and a hundred other things) is a sin because it is a "fact" for them. I am like... .do you even understand the meaning of the word "tolerant"?

And what made me laugh about your post is that I have a blog and my last post was an essay on "Faith is beautiful"; my today's post will be "religion isn't faith", and tomorrow's post will be "my journey from religion to spirituality" (and tolerance). haha. but we have digressed from the original post... .[/quote]
elessar... .I have put myself through hell.If I get honest... I really can't blame anyone except me... .for my choices... .I now go to the church where I was taught "christian" religion... as a child... .um... let's just say... "it didn't take"... .I laugh... because I now go to a "meeting" in the basement of that same church (if you get my drift) where I have learned about spirituality. Which to me is acceptance of all and to have humility.  Look at the world and universe around us?   I believe there had to be a creator... but to me it is personal. I have mine... you have yours... .lets go have lunch or go surfing!  I certainly cannot account for the universe with these silly back stories and all these rules that some human wrote in a book. Gvie me a break!   Duh... . People are enlightened... .but... .come on... .?   The back stories on all religions Christian, Muslim, Buddism, Mormonism (I will try to hold my tongue), Scientology (can't hold my tongue... Ha... ha... ha... ha.)... .etc., etc., etc... .the back stories are ALL "man's" pathetic attempt to explain what he cannot understand and then to use it to control others and make money, based on fear.  ALL OF THEM.     

I think that someone who is "religious" can have spirituality... .

... but many/most don't.  They just do what ever that is out of habit, fear, persecution... .what ever. ... just take a look at how most of them live their lives and it is a laugh riot. (not all... .but most)

If my post gets removed... . I understand!    

[myself]

My ex turns toward new age spiritual stuff as a way to avoid the pain and damage she's running from, and to wear a Mask of Goodness around strangers who don't know where and who and how she's been. Her whole life is filled with stories like this. But is any of it really rubbing off? It didn't seem to while she was with me. And it appears her pattern hasn't changed. Rising above while sinking to new lows kind of cancels itself out, doesn't it?

[amigo]

Infared and elessar,

Amen to that!   Pun intended

[elessar]

haha. I am like - believe whatever makes you happy, just don't force it on anyone, not family, friends, or even own children. it is too personal to be forced on someone. hey, i am not religious, but i believe in a God. I do not call my belief a "fact" because I know I can never prove it. so i never call my atheist roommate wrong because she doesn't believe. she never tells me I should stop believing, i never tell her what she should do. keep it yourself, and know that the other person believes something differently as fervently as you. and two contradictory beliefs cannot both be "facts". maybe thats how we can have more peace and tolerance if people just lived and let others live and believe whatever made them happy.

as far as BPD/religion/age... .they need something to cling on to. something that will give them a meaning in life. if it is not a person, it can be faith/religion. and the same faith can be useful or harmful in their BPD... .depending if they use it as a spiritual growth, or as controlling others.

[Infared]

haha. I am like - believe whatever makes you happy, just don't force it on anyone, not family, friends, or even own children. it is too personal to be forced on someone. hey, i am not religious, but i believe in a God. I do not call my belief a "fact" because I know I can never prove it. so i never call my atheist roommate wrong because she doesn't believe. she never tells me I should stop believing, i never tell her what she should do. keep it yourself, and know that the other person believes something differently as fervently as you. and two contradictory beliefs cannot both be "facts". maybe thats how we can have more peace and tolerance if people just lived and let others live and believe whatever made them happy.

as far as BPD/religion/age... .they need something to cling on to. something that will give them a meaning in life. if it is not a person, it can be faith/religion. and the same faith can be useful or harmful in their BPD... .depending if they use it as a spiritual growth, or as controlling others.

Absolutely!

[Infared]

Infared and elessar,

Amen to that!   Pun intended

OK... .LOL! ... .I will stop ranting (and I should avoid The News tonight as well!  :-)

[slimmiller]

My exBPDs mother, who Iam convinced is a balance between wiaf/witch BPD is just as snappy mean and nasty now as she was 15 years ago. Her personality if anything has only gotten more putrid with age, not calmer. Sometimes Im surprised my ex isnt worse having grown up with 'that' for a mother

As far as religion goes, thats all it is, religion. They use it as a weapon as much if not more then anything else. Im from a very conservative religious background (Amish) but have 'transcended' most religions that I have encountered since leaving that.

My ex is onto Mormonism, 'again', after living like a wild horny teenage girl during the period that she phased me out (while still living with me). Her mother raised her in that and after we initially met I found some facets of it alluring (self suffeciency and other 'wholesome' practices... ... .).

In short, I think they use religion as a cover and if they go to 'church' it covers a multitude of 'Sin' because who questions a good church goer... ? But in reality, religion becomes a weapon as much to a mentally disordered person as it does to some fanatical fundamentilist.

I personally have more success communing with God in Spirituality then in 'religion' anyways

[Blimblam]

My ex turns toward new age spiritual stuff as a way to avoid the pain and damage she's running from, and to wear a Mask of Goodness around strangers who don't know where and who and how she's been. Her whole life is filled with stories like this. But is any of it really rubbing off? It didn't seem to while she was with me. And it appears her pattern hasn't changed. Rising above while sinking to new lows kind of cancels itself out, doesn't it?

i can relate to this... .a lot of it was the influence of her friends though... .the stupid enablers... .I hate the enablers. While she is simply unsure about a lot of things, many of her friends have just plain selfish inconsiderate morals coated in new age.

One of the most painfull things was to see her take on aspects of these crappy friends of hers personality and hurt me with it. It was so sad and I can remember in te beginning how hurt she was when i would react negatively. Her fear of abandonement. How she let these other people influence her to hurt me. The words coming out of her mouth that seemed so alien. Ill never forget that look when i drew a line over those things she said. I just wish it could have been different I hate the disorder. I truly loved her

its like just because you smoke weed do yoga drink tea, and use a few terms like positivity and manifest doesn't make you deep if you are essentially just selfish to the core and refuse to do any kind of objective self reflection.

[elessar]

Blimblam and Slimmiller... .

Wow, so true. I hated the enablers, who were her coworkers. I remember two years back I was in the plane with the ring in my pocket, and before my flight took off and I texted her that I will be there soon. Her coworker started replying from her phone how "you a mama's boy. grow up, move out of home and have some balls. treat this girl like a lady and show some commitment to her". I was left speechless. I don't even live in same city as my family, while she still shares a bed with her sister in daddy's house! With her family and family-friends she is this religious girl. Just got off the phone with such a mutual friend who still has a hard time believing how my ex can do something like this "because she is such a nice religious girl". With her coworkers, she is a drinking, partying, histrionic girl. With her family and family-friends, she never drinks, is a virgin (besides sexual the abuse known by her family), follows religion piously and has never dated. Because that is what they expect a "good religious girl" to do.

She uses "religion as a cover to hide" anything she wants to hide. So truly said.

I knew my ex dated early last year when she disappeared for 6 weeks and came back saying "I nearly got married". Only a few mins back this mutual friend told me that that guy is also her FB friend and he is a flirt and hits on all girls (wondering why didn't she tell me all these months). And the thing I read on FB then was from her coworker "awww Dr. (my ex's name). you are so lucky. tall, dark, handsome with an Audi. he is a keeper". hah... .the guy she has said yes to marriage right now is tall, dark, handsome rich doctor... .don't know about the car yet. .

you know how I fear that they will find happiness after abusing us? then I start reading my own descriptions of her that I write here and realize... .its all superficial, its all ending the same way.