It does get better

[Depression = 72% of members]

 

I wanted to take a moment to share with everyone something which just happened in my "real life".  Not like being here isn't "real life"... .but I mean with a living breathing person talking in my ear and stuff (you know what I'm saying).

It was both sad and uplifting at the same time - and helped underscore to me the journy we go through from the start to the end to the recovery from a failed r/s... .especially when there is PD involvoed.

Long story short - a young couple I know (she went to HS with my daughter... .then joined the army... .then met and married a young man) were going through issues.  I text chatted with her every now and again - not having any clue to the extent of their troubles.

A few days ago their rupture spilled all out on social media and it was apparent he was very hurt, alone, frustrated and angry.  So I reached out to him and got on the phone.  regardless of what had happened in their marriage (fights, possible infidelities, him being right, him beign wrong, etc) - Iknew he needed someone in his corner because he felt totally alone.

So I let him talk.  We talked for a good two hours.  A lot of EVERTHING he said, I have said myself when my r/s ruptured.  I have literrally read the same story over and over again with members of our board desparatly looking for support and a way to stop the pain.  It was like watching a movie that I knew the entire script for.

And one thing which stood out for me was... .knowing where is at... .is that IT GETS BETTER!

I wished I could reach through the phone and personnaly pick him up from where he was at and drop him at the point I am now.  But I know that would do him no good.  Unfortunately... .he has to go through it.  He as to do it at a pace and understanding for him.

All I know is... .I was so there (actually a number of times in my life) - and with the help and support of the members here... .I am no longer there and it is true... .IT GETS BETTER!

Anyway... .thanks for letting me share!

[woodsposse]

 

I wanted to take a moment to share with everyone something which just happened in my "real life".  Not like being here isn't "real life"... .but I mean with a living breathing person talking in my ear and stuff (you know what I'm saying).

It was both sad and uplifting at the same time - and helped underscore to me the journy we go through from the start to the end to the recovery from a failed r/s... .especially when there is PD involvoed.

Long story short - a young couple I know (she went to HS with my daughter... .then joined the army... .then met and married a young man) were going through issues.  I text chatted with her every now and again - not having any clue to the extent of their troubles.

A few days ago their rupture spilled all out on social media and it was apparent he was very hurt, alone, frustrated and angry.  So I reached out to him and got on the phone.  regardless of what had happened in their marriage (fights, possible infidelities, him being right, him beign wrong, etc) - Iknew he needed someone in his corner because he felt totally alone.

So I let him talk.  We talked for a good two hours.  A lot of EVERTHING he said, I have said myself when my r/s ruptured.  I have literrally read the same story over and over again with members of our board desparatly looking for support and a way to stop the pain.  It was like watching a movie that I knew the entire script for.

And one thing which stood out for me was... .knowing where is at... .is that IT GETS BETTER!

I wished I could reach through the phone and personnaly pick him up from where he was at and drop him at the point I am now.  But I know that would do him no good.  Unfortunately... .he has to go through it.  He as to do it at a pace and understanding for him.

All I know is... .I was so there (actually a number of times in my life) - and with the help and support of the members here... .I am no longer there and it is true... .IT GETS BETTER!

Anyway... .thanks for letting me share!

[LettingGo14]

Anyway... .thanks for letting me share!

Thank you for your share, woodsposse.  It is a testament to the power of community, and an acknowledgment of what we share.  I, too, wished for a magic wand, or a way out.  But, alas, the only way out is through.

There are a few reminders I found in your post.

1.  We are not alone.  Thus, we don't have to suffer alone.

2.  There is tremendous power in being present for, and listening to, someone who is suffering.

3.  The answers are within us, but the guidance & wisdom comes from the community.

Thanks for your post.

[Mutt]

I wished I could reach through the phone and personnaly pick him up from where he was at and drop him at the point I am now.  But I know that would do him no good.  Unfortunately... .he has to go through it.  He as to do it at a pace and understanding for him.

There is so much truth in this statement Woodsposse. I'm glad you're feeling better.

[MommaBear]

1.  We are not alone.  Thus, we don't have to suffer alone.

2.  There is tremendous power in being present for, and listening to, someone who is suffering.

3.  The answers are within us, but the guidance & wisdom comes from the community.

Love this. Makes me feel better just reading it

[TheBPDSurvivor]

Thanks for the share woodsposse! I for one can vouch your statement that It truly gets better!

It'll be a 1 year mark in next 6 days (coming Aug 20th) since our breakup and I've been baffled forawhile until I found this board on Feb this year. Its really eye-opening to see similar stories with almost the same script and reaction from the pwBPD for their ex.

My heart goes out to all the newcomers here searching for answers to the breakup.

I can acknowledge that I'm almost back to normal to where I was before the relationship and enjoying my life with my family and friends. Having fun driving, Playing games,etc... ,

This has been one of the great lessons I've learnt about human psychology and relationships in general and I thank my BPDexgf for letting me know there's whole another world where people suffer from not pysical but mental disorder.

It really took a whirl in my life/business/social life/health/finace,etc... , but I'm getting back and rocking again.

bpdfamily and all the beautiful members are truly the blessing in disguise for me.

Much love to all of you!

[Aussie JJ]

Their is so much truth in this, I am not 100 % out of the FOG.  I am starting to see through it more often than not. 

If it wasn't for a good P and the members here, I would be a wreck.  I looked at my first few posts and my first few journal entry's and I think, Was I that Person, holy smoke... .

The effect that it has on you, especially when their are no supports in place as you have been isolated is indescribable.  I stayed because of my son, I kept trying because of my son.  To the extent that I was virtually begging to go back for my son and take the abuse to make sure he didn't.  Now, I am at the place where I recognise, I deserve better, my son deserves better, I am not alone, others have been through this and got better. 

Do I still care for her, yes, it's inhuman not to care for someone else in agony, the agony of BPD is horrendous, something that destroys people, spouses, parents, children! and the people with the disorder themselves.  We have a choice and were making that choice to hold ourselves to a higher standard. 

This choice for me is so empowering, to acknowledge that I deserve better. 

To everyone who has stayed past their healing experience to share and help others, in essence passing it on.  Thank you, I cant express in words how helpful it is.  Fortunately I believe you know, you have worked through this as well.