pain for growth

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi Leaving Board,

In posting on another thread, I reread a quote that I thought was perfect for this board.  So many here struggle with letting go, accepting it is over, thinking there must be more... .

From Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth is complaining about still loving David, therefore not letting go.  Her friend says:

"It’s over. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life.

You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

Ring true for anyone?

Peace,

SB

[seeking balance]

Hi Leaving Board,

In posting on another thread, I reread a quote that I thought was perfect for this board.  So many here struggle with letting go, accepting it is over, thinking there must be more... .

From Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth is complaining about still loving David, therefore not letting go.  Her friend says:

"It’s over. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life.

You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

Ring true for anyone?

Peace,

SB

[Mr Hollande]

Second paragraph yes.

When driving home earlier it hit me that the initial pain of this break up is going from sharp to dull. The sharp pain is better because it injected an intensity that had been lacking for years. Putting myself through gruelling runs, early mornings and very basic but healthy eating burned the fat from my body and my soul. Now I'm entering the long boring slog which I assume is the middle section of the journey. The one where standards drop and routine, fatigue and indifference sets in. The sharp pain was better. It prevented stagnation.

[seeking balance]

Mr Hollande, you have a way with words... .this second part is where most folks, 1.  bail and go back or 2. find someone new

Now I'm entering the long boring slog which I assume is the middle section of the journey. The one where standards drop and routine, fatigue and indifference sets in. The sharp pain was better. It prevented stagnation.

Going through this part of the journey was not nearly as sharp, but it was an ache that lasted longer than I really thought was possible.

The ache leaves - and freedom that feels like a deep breath shows itself - it does happen... .getting there requires faith, integrity, discipline, persistence and more faith.

Thank you for contributing 

[pari]

"It’s over. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life.

So true! I totally believe in those lines. I keep reminding myself lines by Edgar Cayce, "In every life, You meet yourself".

Even during moments of pain, I thank my exBPDbf for everything. I believe that there was a reason we fell in love and fell apart. We both had to experience our share of joy of being together, pain of separation, learn our lessons and move ahead in life. Though he was quick in replacing me, I believe his pain was equal or probably more than mine. My focus of attention is now ME.

Thanks for posting these lines SB!

[Pingo]

I have two bookshelves full of self-help/spiritual guidance type books as I have always felt like I was on a path to know myself better, be the best I can be... .there is no quicker way than when your heart has been split in two by someone with BPD!  Maybe all those books I've read have been preparing me for this most difficult life transition.  I love that quote and I loved that book, thanks for sharing it!

Mr Hollande, I believe I am in that middle phase now as well, I'm looking forward to moving past it as it is hard to get motivated to do anything meaningful and meaningful is just what I need!  I forced myself yesterday to go for a long drive and long walk and sit by a river and just try to enjoy life... .it's been hard this past couple of weeks to find enjoyment at all.

[Aussie JJ]

Mr Hollande that was very well put.  I feel that I'm just transitioning from that sharp pain into the long haul part. 

I can also relate to going through the sharp pain to go back.  I tried that!  Now I'm back on the LC boat and never ever going back. 

So much to figure out and work through. 

Regarding book collections.  Mine is moving from BPD related to self help and now back to more I'm depth psychology books and more in depth self help stuff to understand myself! 

NEVER prior to this would I have been reading up on object relations and attachment styles... .