I like that. Validate yourself. Believe in yourself.
Yep. Once we've been abused and beat up in these relationships, what we need is compassion, empathy and validation; we can get those from people who care about us, from professional help, and most powerfully for validation, from ourselves. The ability to self-validate is a great trait, and many of us were much better at it before we went through the borderline spin cycle. Relearning that, or learning it for the first time, is invaluable in detachment, yes, but also in our life in general, moving forward.
My ex was excellent at creating doubt, she'd ask countless questions with judgments in them, that was her go-to method, and as long as I was enmeshed and trying to "fix" everything, I fell for it a lot. After I left her there were many, many things I'd think about that we went through together, and you know what? I was right, I was being pure, open and honest, and she was using her tools to push, since that's where we were in the cycle. Every time I thought through one of those situations, I got a little validation, gave it to myself, and those things build. And once we work through all the sht of the relationship, we can start to focus forward, continuing to validate ourselves, with even more focus this time around. And then when we do get external validation from someone who's sincere, it just adds to the pile, that pile of feel-good that becomes the life of our dreams, by our own design. It's a brand new world... .
