The worse lie you were told? Your response to it?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I think the lies about our children were probably the worse. I would get in from work and my ex wife who was supposedly suffering from ME would tell me that they had done something. I would then reprimand them.

I remember one time when I really tore into my eldest who was only about 6 at the time. He had supposedly done something terrible and I really reprimanded him.

He later told me when me and his mum were going through our divorce that he hadn't done it and that his mum was sat behind me silently laughing at him.

It truly is a twisted disorder.

My God that's the worst thing I've ever heard. They really are like disturbed toddlers in adult bodies. You must have felt so bad when your son told you about this.

How old is your son now? Just show him and give him all your love. He knows it wasn't your fault.

MWC

He's 13 now. He loves his mum but has never forgotten what she did. We have a fantastic relationship. Always have since his mum dumped me. He knows that it wasn't my fault and I was only acting on her lies.

[enlighten me]

I think the lies about our children were probably the worse. I would get in from work and my ex wife who was supposedly suffering from ME would tell me that they had done something. I would then reprimand them.

I remember one time when I really tore into my eldest who was only about 6 at the time. He had supposedly done something terrible and I really reprimanded him.

He later told me when me and his mum were going through our divorce that he hadn't done it and that his mum was sat behind me silently laughing at him.

It truly is a twisted disorder.

My God that's the worst thing I've ever heard. They really are like disturbed toddlers in adult bodies. You must have felt so bad when your son told you about this.

How old is your son now? Just show him and give him all your love. He knows it wasn't your fault.

MWC

He's 13 now. He loves his mum but has never forgotten what she did. We have a fantastic relationship. Always have since his mum dumped me. He knows that it wasn't my fault and I was only acting on her lies.

[Recooperating]

He said he took aspirin (very allergic to it) to kill himself. I sent the police to his house, he opened the door smiling, everything is fine officer! Must have been a prank call!

He took a knife from the kitchen and pretended to kill himself. I went for it, managed to took it from him, then he went for the stairs with his belt, fought him off, he went for tiewraps around his neck... .When I had him pinned down I called the police to help me. He took the phone and said "Sorry officer my gf is burn out and paranoia, there's nothing going on" he said it in the calmest way! I then went flying through the room.

He told me he had moved to another room/appartment, it was cheaper in rent. Found out he moved in with an another woman he had an affair with. "I did it for you so we save money!"

He told me his T. was very inapropreate with him. She told him she likes to go to nudist camps, her husband wants her to walk around naked in high heels, etc. He didnt want to there anymore since he felt strange about her unprofessional behaviour. I spoke to the shrink, ofcourse it was a lie. But she didnt believe me, that he said that and I was labled "crazy".

He lied about his ex-wife being a total Biatch, abusing him, being crazy, etc. Now I know the truth... .

And pretty much all the other stuff mentionned here... .

I also think he made up stories about his sexual abuse when he was young (sounds terrible I know). Since I was molested several years as a child I think he mirrored me. We where together on and off for 14 years... .2 years ago he told me this... .I really am not sure if his stories are real! How awefull is that!

[Infared]

Mine was cheating on me and ran of with the guy a week before Christmas.

Infrared, mine also ran off a week before Christmas, 2012. And she has continued to lie about it since -- not denying she went out of state with the guy for 12 days, but insisting it was only a platonic friendship!

Here are the text bombs the day after our divorce was finalized in mediation last month:

Her: "By the way, I forgot to say congratulations to you yesterday "

Me: Don't start in.  It was horrible and still is.



Her: "I'm not starting. You know I tried several times to reach out to you. At least in my heart I know I tried to salvage us. I am grieving immensely."

Me: Yes and I always asked that we meet with a third party of your choosing, and that was too much for you I guess. Apparently it meant little to you, you were doing it just for show.

Her: "You never put in any true effort."

Raw from the day before, I broke down pretty badly and just bawled on my bed reading what she wrote.

In reality, I could have forgiven her, but she insisted every time I brought it up that this guy is "just a friend" (even though he still stays over at her house often, according my s10).

Yeah... Vinnie ... .I just don't understand how it seems that a person you deeply care about and love and they seem to be on the same page and the in a flash you mean NOTHING to them and they tell you lie after lie, discard you and blame everything on you... .but in my experience they CANNOT do it until they have new supply. They have no strength of their own they suck it off of another person as they did with us. They are nobody. NOBODY. Must be hard to live with that. They must feel so horrible inside.

I totally changed my ex's life. I made her more aware of so many things in life and really changed her life from where she was when I met her. It wasn't my intent... I was just loving her and sharing who I was with her. Her parents LOVED me for that. ... .and then she just deceives me, lies to me and runs off... .lying threw her teeth to EVERYONE!  I understand your pain buddy... .it is hard to share and love someone soo much and then to just be discarded, replaced and not valued at all. It doesn't seem possible.  It almost killed me.

I can' teen look at her.

Recoup: they lie about EVERYTHING!

[pieceofme]

I still don't really know what was lies and what was true but the one that hurts most was this

While I was away for the week at my dad's house while talking on the phone we made a commitment to move overseas with each other, planned it all out etc. Then I got back,  wanted to meet up,  she flaked out and later in a rage told me she is with some guy.

I ask her later when she reached out to me and she said she got with him before I'd left.

So she's "with him" and on the phone planning our future and I'm happy beliving this lie.

After she blamed getting with him on being off her meds and she wanted to be with me, but says she can't hurt him and can we be friends and get together in the future,  I politely decline,  wish her well and if she changes her mind come find me and am instantly painted black and suddenly realize exactly what I'm dealing with here.

It's the con job that gets you,  feeling so gullible

i had a similar experience. we had actually already moved - i went first and he was to join me a month later. except he started cheating on me (that i know of) the night i left. after i caught him cheating the third time, i gave him one last chance - he left my replacement (who happens to be his ex) in his bed to meet me to discuss if he was really going to move with me. we agreed he would. turns out he went home and she was still waiting for him in bed   i know this because she posted pictures of it on instagram with vile comments about what a fool i am. needless to say, the move is off.

Yeah... Vinnie ... .I just don't understand how it seems that a person you deeply care about and love and they seem to be on the same page and the in a flash you mean NOTHING to them and they tell you lie after lie, discard you and blame everything on you... .but in my experience they CANNOT do it until they have new supply. They have no strength of their own they suck it off of another person as they did with us. They are nobody. NOBODY. Must be hard to live with that. They must feel so horrible inside.

I totally changed my ex's life. I made her more aware of so many things in life and really changed her life from where she was when I met her. It wasn't my intent... I was just loving her and sharing who I was with her. Her parents LOVED me for that. ... .and then she just deceives me, lies to me and runs off... .lying threw her teeth to EVERYONE!  I understand your pain buddy... .it is hard to share and love someone soo much and then to just be discarded, replaced and not valued at all. It doesn't seem possible.  It almost killed me.

I can' teen look at her.

this is what i'm struggling with the most. I was just loving her and sharing who I was with her my ex told me on numerous occasions how no one had ever been as good to him as i have; how he's never traveled or seen new places or tried new food as much as he have with me. like you, his family and friends loved me. a week ago, he posted on instagram how "i'm the best." less than a week later, he has a NEW replacement (someone other than his ex). it's never-ending! it is hard to share and love someone soo much and then to just be discarded, replaced and not valued at all. It doesn't seem possible.  It almost killed me. indeed. it IS killing me.

[Infared]

PieceofMe...

I could not handle it on my own. I got into T , group T and a self help group. I was suicidal. She just ran off a week before Xmas and left me in our home, feeding her cats and putting up a Christmas Tree by myself.  I was completely devastated an shell-shocked.  Of course she was lying to me and everyone in her life. I was incomprehensible for me.  I had to move out of our home (with only one income), and my Mom got sick and died during the next six months. She stuck a note on my car to tell me she wouldn't be at the funeral. To cover her guilt, I guess. Who knows?  I got NO support from her, not even a conversation about my Mom. Nothing.  The day she walked out she was off with her new supply and I was just garbage thrown out on the highway.

I just could not handle it all without help. I made great choices in the people that I had helping me... .and I did a lot of work to ease the pain and get more balanced.

I would tell you to reach out and do things that you might not normally do.  I had to take a good look at myself to see how I got myself into that situation. Yeah she is a selfish, sick A-hole... .but I definitely had a part in my own demise. I had to take a look at that and it was part of the healing process. You can do it too!

[Vatz]

"You're my one."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n5E7feJHw0

This should probably describe how I'm feeling about that statement right now. Come to think of it, I probably don't want to think about it if it's true.

[pieceofme]

infared,

i am feeling everything you describe. devastation and shell-shock... .and just when i think it can't get any worse, it does. i am in the process of moving out of our home (like you, i can't afford it on just my income). i don't think he's considered the amount of money or hassle he's caused me... .but why would he?

i am sorry about your mother's death. my experience with my ex is that he can't deal with uncomfortable emotions or anything that takes the attention off him. your ex sounds the same in his she responded to that situation.

i am barely surviving. i honestly feel like i am drowning. like you said, he's off with his new supply (and life is apparently great) and i'm garbage thrown out on the highway. that feeling is incomprehensible. neither my brain, nor my heart can process it.

forgive me if i've overlooked this, but was it this last christmas? how long have you been NC?

[Infared]

infared,

i am feeling everything you describe. devastation and shell-shock... .and just when i think it can't get any worse, it does. i am in the process of moving out of our home (like you, i can't afford it on just my income). i don't think he's considered the amount of money or hassle he's caused me... .but why would he?

i am sorry about your mother's death. my experience with my ex is that he can't deal with uncomfortable emotions or anything that takes the attention off him. your ex sounds the same in his she responded to that situation.

i am barely surviving. i honestly feel like i am drowning. like you said, he's off with his new supply (and life is apparently great) and i'm garbage thrown out on the highway. that feeling is incomprehensible. neither my brain, nor my heart can process it.

forgive me if i've overlooked this, but was it this last christmas? how long have you been NC?

No... .I am out of this for years now... .(it still really bothers me though... .I did not know she was BPD till recently... .I had no idea, it all fits though).

She will try to walk up to me in public (ambush me) if she is alone... .Like "hi... how are you... .("I am a happy innocent person and everything is just as it always was with us... right?"     I always just turn my head and go around her... .I do not utter a word and I get to a safe place. I cannot imaging having a conversation. There just are not any words... .none... .

If she is with the new supply... .she acts completely differently... .they act out in front of me together to hurt me emotionally. They are both 45 years old?  It is totally insane.

I had no information for the entire time (5 years) that I lived with this person that that was who she was (I had one little tiny glimpse once... but I just blew that off as an anomaly).

I understand how you feel... .just love you... .stay AWAY from him... .it will be nothing but psycho behavior that will be incredibly painful for you... .I KNOW it it painful... .but let your head accept the truth first ... .and slowly your heart will follow...  You have been duped... .I was just unbelievably fooled by this person. I had to be easy on myself, love me... .and know that even in the abandonment I took it on the chin and conducted myself like a mature adult.  Not like a selfish, acting-out 8-year-old.  It was all I had to hold onto for a long while... .but that is a lot. Do esteemable acts and you will have self esteem! It makes a difference right now for you. ... .just forgive YOU! It's their loss.

[pieceofme]

infared, thanks for the response. that's what i'm afraid of - that this will haunt me forever! i suspected my ex was BPD for quite a while. when we first started dating, i would spend the night at his house and wouldn't hear from him for days after... .as if the intimacy was too much for him. that was my first clue, then along the way other, more telling behaviors surfaced. strangely, once we became an official couple, his behavior towards me became even worse. and i still stupidly agreed to move in with him. oh, my ever hopeful heart! i thought my love would be enough to save us.

i am in the same position that you describe - with your ex and her new supply acting out in front of you. then he has the audacity to tell me i'm acting like a child. except for one incident, i have taken the high road so at least i have my dignity. although not much of it, because he has humiliated me greatly.

i am staying away. it seems i have been split black (in a way that i never have before), so i do not expect to hear from him again. it's actually a bit of a relief not to be engaged in the constant back and forth with him. but still it is hard to get through the day without him. i miss him, my love.

[Infared]

infared, thanks for the response. that's what i'm afraid of - that this will haunt me forever! i suspected my ex was BPD for quite a while. when we first started dating, i would spend the night at his house and wouldn't hear from him for days after... .as if the intimacy was too much for him. that was my first clue, then along the way other, more telling behaviors surfaced. strangely, once we became an official couple, his behavior towards me became even worse. and i still stupidly agreed to move in with him. oh, my ever hopeful heart! i thought my love would be enough to save us.

i am in the same position that you describe - with your ex and her new supply acting out in front of you. then he has the audacity to tell me i'm acting like a child. except for one incident, i have taken the high road so at least i have my dignity. although not much of it, because he has humiliated me greatly.

i am staying away. it seems i have been split black (in a way that i never have before), so i do not expect to hear from him again. it's actually a bit of a relief not to be engaged in the constant back and forth with him. but still it is hard to get through the day without him. i miss him, my love.

Could you humiliate someone that you broke up with and who you knew that they had feelings for you?... .but the relationship just wasn't right for you... .even though you really tried.

Turn it around.

I broke It off with a woman a while back, who (I now know) was histrionic and bat$hit CRAZY.

Now... I sat her down and told her calmly why I was breaking it off (it was our 2nd try). I tried to be direct, but not abusive. Empathy was present. I did not have anyone in the wings waiting for me. You see, I was actually trying to make the relationship work... .I was "present". If I ran into her in the future, I would always try to be thoughtful and aware of her feelings, even though sometimes she was not... .but I left some room because I could understand some anger over the rejection.

The way our pwBPD treat most of us is just a little different .  I can't begin to imagine treating someone the way I have been treated. It's overwhelming. It was immensely painful... .but I am very happy to be wearing my shoes as a person and not hers.

[AwakenedOne]

The worse lie you were told? Your response to it?

Considering there is no way to know what was real (if anything) and what was a lie there is no way to answer this question.

In our four year marriage I honestly can't tell you one true thing for sure that came out of her mouth. My closure is really looking at it all as a BS puppet show that I fell for like a fool.

I guess the closest I can come to an answer to your question of the worst lie told would be "I love you". My response to it was putting my heart and soul into the marriage only to be physically injured by her and abandoned.

[tired-of-it-all]

My grown daughter and I attempted an intervention with her.  She attacked me by telling my daughter that I had porn on my phone.  In fact I did.  She sent it to me.  It was pictures of her.

[Infared]

My grown daughter and I attempted an intervention with her.  She attacked me by telling my daughter that I had porn on my phone.  In fact I did.  She sent it to me.  It was pictures of her.

OK... this is soo wrong, that it is funny!  LMAOROTF!

[Tolou]

I had been away for a few days and when I got back I read all these things that everyone had to say.

I must say, thank you all for your responses, in a way this is therapeutic, because it helps to know that I am not alone in my madness.  I feel for all of you in what you have been through and are going through it isn’t easy. 

Infared-I was only I in it for 6 months, and nearly lost my mind, had it not been for a close friend that I confided who was rational and gave me good insight, I don’t know where I would be right.  5 years, and to be hit with what you were hit with on X-MAS, I couldn’t imagine what that felt like? But keep posting.

Mama B- I could go on too, but I chose the worse one for me.

Findingw- I could add on that list too.

Pingo- I don’t know the truth about the amnesia, but sounds like something is not right, and when you get that feeling, you’re probably better off following your gut.

Life Ex-You did the right thing not responding, don’t feed in to it, you don’t need that.

Vinnie-It unbelievable how you almost have a similar story like Infared! And then the audacity of the text after the divorce-SMH!

Centralfla- The cancer lie I can relate too…... I covered up for some her behaviors too and enabled, it was a big mistake because it just gave her the best ammunition when she painted me the big bad wolf and herself the victim, no one knew….

Emelie-I heard something similar “God sent you for me, I love you so much, please don’t leave me, I WON’T EVER LIE TO YOU” UH HUH.

Myself-Letting go is hard but sometimes what’s best.

Enlighten-I can only, WOW…... Getting the children involved is just not right, obviously someone taking things to a whole another level of low, sorry for you and kids, but you sound like a great parent for all you did during that time and trying your best, kudos to you!

Rise- I think you make some valid points, however, I guess it would depend on the individual and the situation.  I do believe that they do it to survive, and when someone is used to being in survival mode, they probably become accustom to doing and saying anything to get their needs met without even beginning to be able to comprehend how hurtful those lies could be to someone, especially when they are truly loved by that person, trust is completely lost.

Elessar- Nothing does excuse the behaviors or pain that is caused to others; maybe they never meant to hurt us? But if they truly have the emotions of the child, it was inevitable sooner or later something would happen, and things would go sour.

Mywifecr- Mine also stated things about being abused, by a cousin, then her brother, I believe there was some truth to it, but she disassociated so much, I don’t know if she remembers the truth completely and just adds to it to get more pity…... Being the victim seems central to their issues, so in their mind they believe their distortions to make it out that they are the victim.  Imagine how other would look at them if they told the truth about some of their behaviors, very bizarre.

Turkish-getting that text, caught red handed, but still expecting us to believe the b.s., horrible stuff.  Mine would also ridicule family members, co-workers any and everyone who slighted her in anyway, supposedly, I didn’t notice until I was out, in all her said stories she was always the victim, never was took responsibility for anything, “always got the short end of the straw”? Yeah, I get it. Or do I? For me too, When I accepted that regardless of her “label” she has to have something wrong with her to behave this way and do these things, what a shame, because when I wasn’t her trigger, she was amazing, once I triggered her, it was over, I just didn’t get was happening.

Inferno- that’s ruff, sorry, to hear that, you did the right thing in declining that invitation!

Building F-you’re not alone!

Popcorn-you’re not alone!

Recooper- Unbelievable, I felt for suicide stuff so many many, but she actually almost succeeded (I think)….But I could live like that anymore, not knowing if the next threat, she would actually succeed in it. “I did it for you to save the money” SMH, where the logic or the rational in that? I am really not sure how much of her childhood stories she actually remembers, when you add so many lies to your stories, how can you remember what’s real? I caught her story change slightly when she spoke about certain things especially the abuse, I tried to listen and be supportive; I never said much about it though?

Peaceof- It’s hard, to care about someone so much and find out these things and then have them treat you that way, so sorry.  I have been the same since that relationship, and she never “discarded me”, I left her, I just felt like I was with a child, nothing I tried to do would get through, I didn’t even want to touch her anymore, after the suicide attempts…It was like I was her parent, and when I would look at the baby voice would start and puppy dog eyes, she must have thought I was heartless, but I could kiss her, I didn’t want to touch her, I really felt like there was a lost little girl in front of me in a grown woman’s body….It takes time, I still think of her too, I have been N.C. More than a year, and it’s not to punish, it’s because it is what’s best for my health.  But it doesn’t make it any easier, because whether the relationship was “real” to her or not or a “lie”, it was real for me and that what matters.

Awakened one-point well taken

Tired of it all-smh

Wasn’t sure what kind of response this post would get, just wanted to get that out because I had saw her at work and it had been over 5weeks since I had seen her, walked by each other like total strangers, I believe she is mirroring me? Don’t know, but I ignored so much she started doing the same things.

Thank you all for sharing these things, sorry you went through what you went through.  In my heart at least in my case, I don’t believe either of us had this intention to hurt each other.  How something that felt so special went so bad so fast is what hurt me, but in my case, the communication just wasn’t there, and I thank God I out when I did because from the looks of many people who were in it for longer, there just would have been more pain.  I believe she suffered greatly, because she didn’t get why I couldn’t be with her, she wasn’t able to understand the pain she caused, or the embarrassment and humiliation I felt at work, she didn’t have that maturity or empathy.  No ability to reason, compromise, or hold a mature conversation once I triggered all her fears.  What a shame….Because I have felt better over time, the pain has become less, and moving forward is what I have.