Cyclical attachment/detachment with more than one partner

[Harlygirl]

Any thoughts... .my exBPDbf devalued and detached from me... .while he was re-idealizing and re-engaging with his exHPDgf... .Are we all the same to the BPD?... .When he was with me... .he was compelled to recreate the same dynamic with me that he had with her.   When I was resistant to that... .he devalued me and went back to her.   He said he had unresolved feelings for her... .But were they feelings... .or a repetition compulsion to return to a toxic dynamic?  Do they know the difference?

[Popcorn71]

I always thought my xBPDh had a strange way of keeping in contact with his ex wife.  Their kids are adults so they have no need to contact each other at all.  Fair enough, if they happened to be at the same event or something, I had no problem in them speaking, but he phoned her and discussed our problems and she often called him.  He even insisted on us going out for meals with her and his kids and invited his ex and her new man to a birthday party we held for his grand-daughter at our home.  It was all a bit too 'close' for me.  He is still doing this now he is with the replacement.

I always thought there was a possibility of him getting back with his ex wife if we split up.  In fact, I was surprised that he got a new woman instead.  Although, I think this was only because at that time his ex was 'in love' with a new man.  If she had been single I think they would have ended up together.

She is single now and I wonder what would happen if he splits up with the replacement.  I bet there's a lot of triangulation going on anyway.  He always used to tell me things about his sex life with his ex and it made me really uncomfortable.  I can't see him keeping quiet with the replacement.

[pieceofme]

harlygirl & popcorn71, i had the EXACT same experience. my ex kept in touch with his exgf throughout our relationship. when she was out of the picture, our relationship was lovely. however, she went to great lengths to destroy us, even faking a pregnancy. he played along with her games, knowing the pregnancy wasn't possible. from my understanding, their history was toxic. her manipulation + his BPD eventually led to our demise and he is now playing house with her. he claims he isn't with her, he doesn't have feelings for her, only that she is better than being alone. but i agree with you, they don't know the difference.