Do they all compare you to other people

[workinprogress]

One thing that I used to get drawn into with my wife, was her constantly comparing me to other guys.

She would say things like, "he's a doctor, he must make so much money."

"He is tall.  He is funny."

I always felt myself cringe at these statements.  Primarily because she never gave me any compliments at all. 

One other thing about the money comparisons that bothered me was one day, she and one of her friends told my kids that they should marry for money.

Do you all receive similar treatment?

[hurting300]

Yes my ex girlfriend did it to me all the time. She made very inappropriate comments. So i started doing it and she hated me for it.

[Caramel]

Hi workinprogress

Yes, my BPD/NPD ex did that to me all the time. And made it look I was weak and jealous if I said anything.

He  compared me with his female friends and ex's.

"She is an excellent cook. She is very smart. She is so hot. She is so cool to hang out with. She is very kind. She is great dancer, etc etc."

When I started going out with him I was very confident. By the end of our relationship I did not know who I was anymore. Just a shadow of my former self. I was constantly trying to catch up with his standards, to be as good as all those other people.

Now I know that was his way of gaining control over me, to hide his feelings of unworthiness by highlighting my insecurities. Brainwashing, manipulating, comparing, accusing, blaming to overcome his fear of abandonment.

When he left me 6 months ago, I was left with zero self confidence. It took me a while to gain my confidence back and see the abuse I endured in that relationship. Don't believe whatever they say to you. Don't let her or anyone else define you. If they are not happy with who you are, they can leave. If they are still hanging around and giving you crap, chances are the problem is with them not you. Healthy people do not walk around making others doubt themselves.

YOU ARE GOOD. YOU ARE GOOD. YOU ARE GOOD. 

[Forestaken]

My Xw did it.  The worse was that she compare her lifestyle to her sister-in-law (her brother's wife).  Both her brother and his wife worked as lawyers.  I am in IT, she didn't work in or out of the home. 

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Yes my BPDex would constantly say "why cant you be more like ex" or "ex used to be this way why cant you be." She even had her exs and hers supposed failed wedding date on her ring finger while he had her name and face tattooed on him. Would always bring it up as some subtle slight to me. My point being they always wanna keep us on our toes so were ever vigilant to serve their needs. I also believe they hold on to certain good attributes in every ex(as they live through memories and the past) and want to project those onto us... When we dont meet those standards they throw these statements at us. Right after our last recent breakup mine said "if you keep pushing youre gonna blow it like ex"... its endless just like the pain they both cause and feel.

[Zon]

Most definitely.  I am compared to the best qualities of my brothers and cousins.  Hard to compete with a conglomerate of perfection.

[elessar]

rather than compare directly, she would always try to make small comments as to why can i not be this or that, or do this or that. it is very slow way of destroying your self-esteem, this constant nit-picking. as if I am not good enough for her. well maybe thats why she left so many times 

[enlighten me]

Both exs did this.

Everything from he used to get me a rose every week, he was one of the richest men in Britain, he was a racing driver and the only person I felt safe being driven by, He was so well endowed that it was uncomfortable, he was so talented (musically or artisticly). You name it they where all better than me in some way.

I don't know if this was to belittle me and put me in my place or to make me jealous and try harder.

Whatever their reasons behind it all it did was P me off and made me want to do my own thing and not be compared to anyone.