If it weren't so pathetic, it would be amusing

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Here in Northern California this morning, there was an earthquake that caused a significant amount of structural damage. There were people that were hospitalized. So, let's hope and pray that everyone will be okay!

Once my BPDw heard about it, she immediately went into how we as a society are negative in our attitudes, and that is why the earthquake took place. All the while, she was being very negative. There was no concern on her part about structural damage or if people were hurt. She was all doom and gloom.

During the day, she decided to do some cleaning up around here which she detests, because it distracts her from what she wants to do, instead. BTW, I do my best to clean up around here, but it is never enough for her.

So, during the day while she was cleaning up things around here, she made more negative comments, and I just kept on thinking about her negative attitude and her comments while "we" are creating the earthquakes. HMM!

After she was done, she was then cheerful.

All of us nonBPDs can relate to such mood swings, and while this website and all of us have shared such experiences, it doesn't make it any easier to cope with or to tolerate. That is why it is so hard for me to trust her. That's why keeping my distance from her at various times is the best thing for me to do in order to protect myself from her negativity.

I just wish they could be in a more positive frame of mind, but that would be asking for a miracle! If it weren't so pathetic, it would be amusing!

[Samuel S.]

Here in Northern California this morning, there was an earthquake that caused a significant amount of structural damage. There were people that were hospitalized. So, let's hope and pray that everyone will be okay!

Once my BPDw heard about it, she immediately went into how we as a society are negative in our attitudes, and that is why the earthquake took place. All the while, she was being very negative. There was no concern on her part about structural damage or if people were hurt. She was all doom and gloom.

During the day, she decided to do some cleaning up around here which she detests, because it distracts her from what she wants to do, instead. BTW, I do my best to clean up around here, but it is never enough for her.

So, during the day while she was cleaning up things around here, she made more negative comments, and I just kept on thinking about her negative attitude and her comments while "we" are creating the earthquakes. HMM!

After she was done, she was then cheerful.

All of us nonBPDs can relate to such mood swings, and while this website and all of us have shared such experiences, it doesn't make it any easier to cope with or to tolerate. That is why it is so hard for me to trust her. That's why keeping my distance from her at various times is the best thing for me to do in order to protect myself from her negativity.

I just wish they could be in a more positive frame of mind, but that would be asking for a miracle! If it weren't so pathetic, it would be amusing!

[Samuel S.]

Speaking about cleaning, seeing that I don't live up to the standards of cleaning that my BPDw has, she began another round of cleaning last night at 8:30 PM and lasted until 10:30 PM ending up in my bedroom. I was already exhausted, and she continued making snide remarks. When she made her snide remarks, I said that I do the best I can to clean and that I appreciate her help. Needless to say, I was very tired, I had a restless sleep, and I feel tired this morning.

Luckily, I have a very busy schedule today so that I won't see her until this evening.

I just wish her anger issues were resolved so that she could find peace in her heart instead of breaking my heart into pieces!

The lesson learned here is that if at all possible and if it is not late, I am not going to be around here while she cleans, because she is one angry woman then and always, even if she says she is not.

[Rise]

If negativity could cause earthquakes I'm pretty sure my ex would have caused the entire east coast of the United States to sink into the ocean long ago.

[empathic]

Cleaning causes issues here too. My wife's definition of a "total mess" does not seem to match most peoples. Sure, cleaning can be a lot of work, but why can't she find any joy in improving things?

Her double standards make it even more difficult to deal with. When she was home with our first kid she demanded that everything should be spotless, so I made sure to put in a lot of effort to make it that way. Come the day when it was my turn to be home, my wife hardly lifted a finger to clean.

[Proud_Dad]

On a daily basis my uBPDgf says "This house is effing disgusting! I hate it here!"

She is a stay at home mom. I get that the kids make a mess all day long but she makes no effort to clean at all. If I want to live in a house that is completely destroyed on a daily basis I end up cleaning when I get home from work. Dishes, counters, floors, laundry, picking up toys, picking up piles of soiled diapers... .the list never ends.

Then any time she actually does something to improve the conditions of our home she I must praise her endlessly for her effort, then she leans on that one instance for a week or more... .

[Samuel S.]

Cleaning or anything else that a BPD can grab onto in order to complain is to control us nonBPDs. In other words, their standard of cleaning and ours will never be the same.

Today, my BPDw was humming songs, because she was just about to have 2 days of classes out of town, thus spending overnight about 2 hours away from here. Also, I did proofread a paper for her, seeing that I am good in English. She thanked me several times.

When she got to where she was going today, she texted me thanking me again and saying that she loves me. Frankly, while I appreciate these positive signs of love, they are negated by her verbal abuse and by her neglect when she is around. Also, she rarely says she loves me, although I say that to her authentically.

[Samuel S.]

Here we go again. My BPDw returned after several days of starting her 2nd year of part-time college only to start criticizing what she needs to study and how much of it she has to do, that she is not going to have too much time for practically anything else because she is working. To top it all off, her D17 is about to leave for college for her 1st year. So, her D17 is experiencing all kinds of emotions. So, my BPDw and her D17 are focusing on one another.

While I can understand this, it is either this above situation or practically everything else that makes me feel like a lonely guy in this marriage. Due to my BPDw's different emotions, not once did she ask me yesterday about my day or how I was feeling. Her D17 is basically very selfish. So, I guess it is like mother, like daughter.

So long as I can be a "terry cloth mother", I am okay in their eyes. Otherwise, if I speak, WOW! After all, this life is supposed to be only about them! UGH!

It is only outside in my profession where I have the balanced ability to talk and to help along with listening to help. I truly enjoy my outside world a whole lot better than my personal life!

[enlighten me]

Its sad when you would rather be at work than at home. This is a massive warning sign of being abused.

I work in some pretty horrible and dangerous places and have always loved going home even if its to an empty house but I found myself hoping for cancelled flights or that I may get extended rather than go home to my exgf.

I have been in several life threatening situations and have coped without any problems but with my exgf I feel that I was getting PTSD.

[Samuel S.]

Enlighten me, I never thought that me feeling happier being away from home as a massive warning sign of being abused, but you are right. That realization is a hard pill to swallow, but true!

Today, I had a full, fabulous, positive day of attending several meetings, teaching, and tutoring. It was so freeing and happy to be around people who were able to relate to with genuine care.

When I returned to this house and not this home, I said I had a fabulous day. While my BPDw was glad that I did and while she and her D17 also had a great day going to the university that her D17 is going to be attending, my BPDw said that her D17's father hasn't been very attentive all of these years until within the last 6 months or so. Now, her D17 is getting emotional and feels bad that he hasn't been around for the last 15 years, but now. I can relate to that. I can empathize with that. Yet, what I feel rather ambivalent about is how my BPDw related this fact to me. She said that she wants her mom and her REAL dad to help her move into the dorm. In fact, my BPDw said REAL dad several times. My BPDw said that I have been for her D17 for most of her life to listen, to love, to help, and even to finance a majority of her education. So, that's why I feel rather ambivalent. I can understand the D17 feeling this way, and every person needs both parents, but what does that make me? A FAKE dad or a surrogate dad? Am I being rather touchy about this, or am I way off base?