maddening social media posts

[pieceofme]

my ex has been acting out (temper tantrum, anyone?) on instagram... .

"if someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it. no reasons. no excuses." [he walked out on me, repeatedly]

"when you find someone who can make you laugh, smile, grow, lust, want, crave, feel, make you mad, but keep you happy. keep that. that's euphoria."

"reasons to date a bodybuilder: if we're that dedicated to the gym, imagine how dedicated we would be to a wife and family." [he cheated on me, repeatedly]

and this is the one that kills me... .

"love is a commitment to protecting another person's heart with the same passion you use to guard your own."   

it's like all things *i* should be posting. he's the one who cheated, lied and walked out on me... .is this projection? i don't understand his MO here. what gives?

[Suspicious1]

Sounds like projection to me. Just before I blocked him, my ex posted an article about verbal and emotional abuse. Same sort of thing.

[Mutt]

I agree projection, emotional immaturity and a possible smear / distortion campaign as well.

It's frustrating seeing hurtful posts from exes and their distortion of the truth. I'm so sorry  

[pieceofme]

i was thinking smear campaign, as well. it is humiliating! all our friends see this and probably think i somehow wronged him. if they only knew.

[Suspicious1]

Also before I blocked him, I added the Millais portrait of Ophelia with the caption "I though thy bride bed to have decked, sweet maid". Nothing to do with him. And yet within the day he'd added a picture of Hamlet and Ophelia with the caption "If thou must marry, marry a fool for wise men know what monsters you make of them".

I mean kudos for finding such a snipey quote and everything, but honestly. Just use Shakespeare to rip my heart out, why don't you. Some things are unforgivable

Also he posted a Clockwork Orange picture with the quote "It is better for a man to choose evil than to have good imposed upon him", which was a reference to my supposed control of him but which just made him look a twat as he'd had a career in the Police force.

Ah, smear campaigns. I am keeping a dignified silence.

[seeking balance]

pwBPD tend to recreate the facts to fit their emotions and fragile sense of self.

Protect your sanity and stop following him is my 2 cents.  Knowing his posts will not help your relationship with friends and only fuels the anger.

Peace,

SB

[Mutt]

Ah, smear campaigns. I am keeping a dignified silence.

I agree with Suspicious1 and seeking balance. Maintain radio silence it will eventually fizzle out.

[pieceofme]

thank you for your perspectives. i have maintained my silence and not responded in any sort of way. i don't want him to know he's getting to me. but just between us, it makes me want bang my head against the wall.

pwBPD tend to recreate the facts to fit their emotions and fragile sense of self.

i struggle with this, knowing in my reality, i have given him everything he has ever wanted or needed. yet in his mind, i have somehow wronged him... .i've become the enemy. it is infuriating.

[woofhound]

Also before I blocked him, I added the Millais portrait of Ophelia with the caption "I though thy bride bed to have decked, sweet maid". Nothing to do with him. And yet within the day he'd added a picture of Hamlet and Ophelia with the caption "If thou must marry, marry a fool for wise men know what monsters you make of them".

I mean kudos for finding such a snipey quote and everything, but honestly. Just use Shakespeare to rip my heart out, why don't you. Some things are unforgivable

Also he posted a Clockwork Orange picture with the quote "It is better for a man to choose evil than to have good imposed upon him", which was a reference to my supposed control of him but which just made him look a twat as he'd had a career in the Police force.

Ah, smear campaigns. I am keeping a dignified silence.

Soon enough (if not already) "Out, out, damn spot!" from Mac Beth and

"Oh, I was cured alright." Alex from A Clockwork Orange. 

[Recooperating]

My exBPD is a FB guru! He would block, unblock me, tag me as fiancee and then post he was single after every anger outburst... .When we were broken up he would post one hurtfull, spitefull thing after the other... .All to start a smear campaign, to hurt me, to confuse me, to get a reaction out of me and start the recycle... .

He would make countless avatars to check out my page, since I would block the ones I knew he had. Seeing the posts, reading all the nonsense use to break my heart and give me anxieties... .So unfair to twist and turn everything and make me the bad one! He knew that... .So this time I came prepared! I started a new FB account under a false name, got all my friends to add me as a friend. Deleted my old account, blocked all the accounts and his best friends on my new one. There is NO WAY he can find me!

Learnt from experiences... .

I feel tempted to check his page, but there's only nonsense on there. Why put myself through it? I know he told his friends and family I am awefull, thats fine... .What they think about me is none of my business! He is sick! I stay away from anything and everything that has to do with him!

[pieceofme]

oh, recooperating, i am sorry you went through all that! it's strange how similar our experiences are. i deactivated my facebook a few months ago, but my ex is just as skillful as your ex, just on instagram.

I know he told his friends and family I am awefull, thats fine... .What they think about me is none of my business! He is sick!

you are right. what they think isn't my business. i know the truth and that should be enough, but it still hurts that he is trying to destroy me, as well as in the eyes of other people. hasn't he done enough 

[Caramel]

Hi Pieceofme

I know how hurtful it is what you are going through. I'm so sorry. What he has accused you of is so unfair and frustrating.

I went through the same thing a few weeks ago which got me very close to breaking NC after almost 6 months. While I was stalking him I found his pintrest wall on which he had posted some pins which broke my heart into one million pieces.

His pins were all about how you have to let go of people who treat you like one of their options and how you should give your heart to those who deserve it and that you should stop caring about those who don't care about you!

Yep. Victimizing himself.

He broke up with me over nothing, smeared my name, sent me to another continent, drove me to the airport in tears and now I was the cruel one!

Thanks to one of the members who refreshed my mind about the actual story otherwise I would have called him to try to prove my love to him one last time.

My therapist says there is nothing I can do to change my ex's mind. He won't believe me. He thinks he is unworthy of love and sees himself always as a victim. All we can do is taking care of ourselves.

Please take care of yourself. You gave him lots of love. You did your best. Nothing about this is personal. He is mentally ill. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[seeking balance]

pwBPD tend to recreate the facts to fit their emotions and fragile sense of self.

i struggle with this, knowing in my reality, i have given him everything he has ever wanted or needed. yet in his mind, i have somehow wronged him... .i've become the enemy. it is infuriating.

I know, it is not fair and most of us here have felt exact same way. 

BPD is not fair, for them or for us

[pieceofme]

caramel 

His pins were all about how you have to let go of people who treat you like one of their options and how you should give your heart to those who deserve it and that you should stop caring about those who don't care about you!

Yep. Victimizing himself.

He broke up with me over nothing, smeared my name, sent me to another continent, drove me to the airport in tears and now I was the cruel one!

it sounds like we dated the same person. the scary part is that in moments of sadness or weakness, he almost convinces me that i AM the cruel one. as if i haven't done enough. but, then i remind myself - he broke up with me over nothing (literally, nothing!), he left me. he didn't protect my heart, or whatever BS he posted on instagram this morning 

he is up to the same antics this afternoon. more painting himself the victim. we were supposed to move to phoenix together. when he left me there, i decided to undo the move (which i am still in the process of). he was still planning on moving there by himself (although i knew he couldn't afford it without me to split the bills). he moved yesterday, but text me this afternoon that "everything fell through." (i didn't respond). then he posted on instagram: "

[martymcfly5]

oh, recooperating, i am sorry you went through all that! it's strange how similar our experiences are. i deactivated my facebook a few months ago, but my ex is just as skillful as your ex, just on instagram.

you are right. what they think isn't my business. i know the truth and that should be enough, but it still hurts that he is trying to destroy me, as well as in the eyes of other people. hasn't he done enough 

BPDs are very good at creating fiction so I was NOT surprised to discover that my former created a fake FB account with MY NAME... .and then forged ahead with 'my life': posting pics of a make-believe me, nephews which I do not have in real life, getting a new job, and a variety of everyday living posts... .and of course no BPD-created page would be complete without the projection du jour ... ."if someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it. no reasons. no excuses."

Part of NC is also NOT going onto exes social media pages. We are human though and working through NC is a process like the 5 stages of grief.

[AG]

my ex has been acting out (temper tantrum, anyone?) on instagram... .

"if someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it. no reasons. no excuses." [he walked out on me, repeatedly]

"when you find someone who can make you laugh, smile, grow, lust, want, crave, feel, make you mad, but keep you happy. keep that. that's euphoria."

"reasons to date a bodybuilder: if we're that dedicated to the gym, imagine how dedicated we would be to a wife and family." [he cheated on me, repeatedly]

and this is the one that kills me... .

"love is a commitment to protecting another person's heart with the same passion you use to guard your own."   

it's like all things *i* should be posting. he's the one who cheated, lied and walked out on me... .is this projection? i don't understand his MO here. what gives?

I'm glad you posted this as I now know I am not alone. Someone had posted not too long ago a title that said what was the worst part for you after the breakup. For me there are many but the biggest one that I am struggling with now. I mean big is what you just stated. I find it outlandish and almost ridiculous that these people literally abuse you and then reverse roles and state that they are the ones being abused or wronged. I mean given they're track record of wreckages that they left behind I think it should be pretty obvious that they are no victim at all. It is almost like someone has beaten the living crap out of you for saying I love you. Then when you leave because every bone in your body has been broken they can still muster up to say that they were abused? It baffles me and this part of the injustice runs over and over in my head day after day. This is a very difficult portion for me to get past and one that causes me to have alot of anger inside especially towards myself. It is an anger that is damn near explosive. So explosive that I use it sometimes when working out and I am able to lift so damn heavy or run so damn hard and far when it is triggered. It is very difficult knowing that someone was basically abusive towards you and in reality owes you a big time apology but instead smears your name and makes you out to be the villain instead. This is a part that I admit I am severely struggling with.

[patientandclear]

It's actually so simple it's breathtaking.  Yes, they do these hurtful things (decide to break up, change their minds about marriages, change their minds about moving in, suddenly want to disentangle) because in their minds, we've hurt them badly, or we are about to hurt them badly, or they will inevitably get hurt.

That's pretty much it.

The disordered part is that our objective, actual actions are not things that indicate we are going to abandon, or smother, or annihilate, or hurt, or take over, or de-prioritize ... .or whatever ... .them.  Yet, that is how they genuinely, truly, deeply experience some event, maybe something so odd or minor that you will never even know what it was that caused this reaction.

But no matter how irrational the reaction, yes, they really are hurt or afraid, and that is why they take what to us is an unprovoked offensive action, but to them is a readily and obviously justifiable defensive action.  They are protecting themselves.  Like we are when we decide on NC for example.  The only difference is we are protecting ourselves against something real.

But they think they are, too.

I think a lot of us really struggle because we don't deeply accept how hurt or scared they feel.  It's a real feeling.  It causes them to feel exposed to grave hurt.  Of course they are going to react and try to protect themselves from further hurt.

[pieceofme]

martymcfly5, i have never heard of a BPD stealing your identity. that is really crazy! but i'm not surprised. i do agree that NC includes not looking at social media - it is essentially inflicting self-harm. i am finding it a hard habit to break, though.

I'm glad you posted this as I now know I am not alone. Someone had posted not too long ago a title that said what was the worst part for you after the breakup. For me there are many but the biggest one that I am struggling with now. I mean big is what you just stated. I find it outlandish and almost ridiculous that these people literally abuse you and then reverse roles and state that they are the ones being abused or wronged. I mean given they're track record of wreckages that they left behind I think it should be pretty obvious that they are no victim at all. It is almost like someone has beaten the living crap out of you for saying I love you. Then when you leave because every bone in your body has been broken they can still muster up to say that they were abused? It baffles me and this part of the injustice runs over and over in my head day after day. This is a very difficult portion for me to get past and one that causes me to have alot of anger inside especially towards myself. It is an anger that is damn near explosive. So explosive that I use it sometimes when working out and I am able to lift so damn heavy or run so damn hard and far when it is triggered. It is very difficult knowing that someone was basically abusive towards you and in reality owes you a big time apology but instead smears your name and makes you out to be the villain instead. This is a part that I admit I am severely struggling with.

AG, thank you for writing this - you are not alone! it really is infuriating (and humiliating) how my ex (and yours) is playing the victim card. you are right - It is almost like someone has beaten the living crap out of you for saying I love you and then to see my ex posting BS about "if someone wants to be a part of your life" and "love means protecting another's heart"   HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! love is not destroying another human being! except in his world, i'm apparently the one who destroyed him. i would rather bang my head against the wall than try to understand that.

It's actually so simple it's breathtaking.  Yes, they do these hurtful things (decide to break up, change their minds about marriages, change their minds about moving in, suddenly want to disentangle) because in their minds, we've hurt them badly, or we are about to hurt them badly, or they will inevitably get hurt.

patientandclear, this does make sense and i believe you are correct, but... .even so, the cruel words and behavior is nearly incomprehensible and completely unforgivable.

[Pieter2]

Halo All. I totally relate to this. You should see my ex's posts on Instagram. She has a board called "after forever". Boo hoo! All aimed at ex's with a theme of abandonment and projection.

"If a girl understands your bull___, sticks around through all your mistakes, and smiles even though you've done nothing for her. Than it's obvious she's a keeper, but it's also obvious you don't deserve her."   - Really?

[pieceofme]

That's exactly what I'm talking about, Pieter2.  It's enough to drive me mad.

[enlighten me]

My ex hasn't played the victim. In fact she posts as if nothing has happened. Then again it would have been hard to know we were in a relationship from her FB as I was hardly mentioned.

I got annoyed tonight though as she did the ice bucket challenge. One of the people she nominated was an exbf of hers who used to come and visit her while I was working away. He's one of her puppy dogs hanging around for scraps and probably gets used as an F buddy when she has nothing better to do.

I did get a bit of cheer from it as she only got 8 likes and they where from her new circle of friends and her family.

I really wish I could unfriend her as seeing that little green dot winds me up. Unfortunately its the only way I get to see pictures of my boy as she wouldn't email any to me.