I need a good reason NOT to contact/warn the replacement

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have totally selfish motives wanting to 'warn' the replacement of high functioning uBPDstbxh. I want revenge, I want to lash out, I want her to kick him out as soon as she knows about his uBPD. I want somebody else to know about his two-faced behaviour (me getting the all crap and others getting the fun and amicable guy).

My being hurt by his infidelity is very recent and raw and I'm in denial/anger/revenge-mode still. I want to contact her, which would probably not be a wise thing to do. I mean: what would happen if I'd call her and tell her about his emotional and verbal abuse, his anger towards me.

It's just... .I'm having a really, really bad day. How do I deal with the jealousy that comes with him just moving on as if we haven't been together for six years and I'm stuck with a near future that's unsure and full of pain and heartache.

[Tiepje3]

I have totally selfish motives wanting to 'warn' the replacement of high functioning uBPDstbxh. I want revenge, I want to lash out, I want her to kick him out as soon as she knows about his uBPD. I want somebody else to know about his two-faced behaviour (me getting the all crap and others getting the fun and amicable guy).

My being hurt by his infidelity is very recent and raw and I'm in denial/anger/revenge-mode still. I want to contact her, which would probably not be a wise thing to do. I mean: what would happen if I'd call her and tell her about his emotional and verbal abuse, his anger towards me.

It's just... .I'm having a really, really bad day. How do I deal with the jealousy that comes with him just moving on as if we haven't been together for six years and I'm stuck with a near future that's unsure and full of pain and heartache.

[freedom33]

 

This gives a few

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=141948.0

I hope you feel better soon!

[tired-of-it-all]

If you warn her, it likely won't do any good. 

If you want to do it anyway, go ahead.  Just don't expect the results that you want.  That sets you up for failure.  Also, when the BPD finds out, it gives him power over you.  That is what he wants.

If you can do it without giving a damn about the outcome, then do it.  If you do it for revenge, you will get screwed in the deal.

[freedom33]

If you do it, you might actually damage the other woman.

Doing something like this is over the top - a bit whacky and something he would have done perhaps.

He will easily cover it up and even serve to gain more of her trust. He might say to her for example 'see? she is actually crazy just as I told you... .that's why I left and now I am so happy I found you my love bla bla bla... '

[Tiepje3]

Pfffeewwww, just what I needed to hear, especially the thing about him then being able to tell the replacement: "See... she's crazy".

Happened to me as well, when he divorced the wife preceding me. She wrote me a letter full of warnings, although not using the words BPD or NPD, but she described a few incidents where he had displayed an inappropriate amount of anger. Since she was also addicted to all kinds of medicine (Oxy-something), my stbxh pointed out to me how 'crazy' she was and how much better off he was with me.

I kind of put that away to the back of my mind, but you triggered the memory. I'd get the same treatment... .He'll tell the replacement I am the crazy one (AND I'M SOO NOT!).

I'll let it go for now. Just needed someone out there who knows what I'm going through.

Freedom33: thanks for the helpful link.