So this is how my divorce was completed...

[Depression = 72% of members]

Today was the day I went in to sign the final settlement papers which would officially make me divorced.  There are things to sign in triplicate, and a handful of releases I needed to sign for the mediators to officially file the divorce, represent me in court in order to file the divorce and a waiver on the off chance my BPDex challenged the divorce that they could recoup any legal fees without giving me any.  The mediators were there as I looked off into the warm day through their window, and that was that.  Six years of a marriage, seven years of a relationship, just done like that.

It seemed a bit anti-climactic.  After all, the wedding was such a huge deal that to walk away like that seemed odd.  That said, I knew I did the right thing.  Without getting too deep into the details, my BPDex mental health issues made her neglect some issues with her physical health to the point she needs surgery.  Thankfully, it's not my problem.  She couldn't make the signing due to her health concerns, and it was probably for the best.  She just needs to sign, notarize and mail in her part of the agreement. 

I'm thankful for this board, both the Staying and Leaving sides.  I did the level best I could to make it work.  When she started spending too much time cheating and withdrawing the little attention she gave my daughter, I was done.  I didn't wait for decades or a domestic violence case.  Other than some debt and some career issues, I came out relatively unscathed.  I even managed to launch a side business as a result of this, and the divorce settlement gives me 100% of the revenues therein.

Does it suck being a single parent?  Definitely.  Am I tired a lot of nights?  Yes.  Am I at peace?  Absolutely.  I do suggest doing your best to work on yourself and your relationship.  It's better to do the work than walk away wondering if it could have worked.  However, once you do the work, don't be afraid to make a plan and walk away.  Make sure your plan is comprehensive, and don't be afraid to execute.  Whether you end up staying or leaving, you will be free.

[iluminati]

Today was the day I went in to sign the final settlement papers which would officially make me divorced.  There are things to sign in triplicate, and a handful of releases I needed to sign for the mediators to officially file the divorce, represent me in court in order to file the divorce and a waiver on the off chance my BPDex challenged the divorce that they could recoup any legal fees without giving me any.  The mediators were there as I looked off into the warm day through their window, and that was that.  Six years of a marriage, seven years of a relationship, just done like that.

It seemed a bit anti-climactic.  After all, the wedding was such a huge deal that to walk away like that seemed odd.  That said, I knew I did the right thing.  Without getting too deep into the details, my BPDex mental health issues made her neglect some issues with her physical health to the point she needs surgery.  Thankfully, it's not my problem.  She couldn't make the signing due to her health concerns, and it was probably for the best.  She just needs to sign, notarize and mail in her part of the agreement. 

I'm thankful for this board, both the Staying and Leaving sides.  I did the level best I could to make it work.  When she started spending too much time cheating and withdrawing the little attention she gave my daughter, I was done.  I didn't wait for decades or a domestic violence case.  Other than some debt and some career issues, I came out relatively unscathed.  I even managed to launch a side business as a result of this, and the divorce settlement gives me 100% of the revenues therein.

Does it suck being a single parent?  Definitely.  Am I tired a lot of nights?  Yes.  Am I at peace?  Absolutely.  I do suggest doing your best to work on yourself and your relationship.  It's better to do the work than walk away wondering if it could have worked.  However, once you do the work, don't be afraid to make a plan and walk away.  Make sure your plan is comprehensive, and don't be afraid to execute.  Whether you end up staying or leaving, you will be free.

[Gmoney]

Great post. As you know my D was two days ago. So anti climatic like you said.  I two started a side business that I keep 100% of the profits since the D paperwork was drawn up.

Do you have full custody?  I have my 3 kids 60% of the time. 

I will be honest when I say that 40% break with no kids has kept me sane and allowed "ME" time that I did not have while married doing 99% of everything while the ex was out cheating.

Side note... .Glad you can out financially ok.

My D is costing me $75,000 out of my 401k.  I pay no child support or alimony. 

However if I add up what I lost on sale of house plus the $$ I put into it etc etc. The failed marriage cost me about $200,000. 

Most of that money was lost earlier on during the marriage but oh well it could have been a lot worst.   Good luck to you and your new live free of pwBPD

G

[iluminati]

I was offered, and accepted, full custody of my daughter.  My ex has visitation 2 weekends a week, though right now, it's more like 2 overnights in practice.  Plus that may get cut down more with her current health issues.  We shall see.

Allegedly I will get child support, but the ex has so many financial issues that it's Monopoly money at this point.  In terms of money, I cleared out my 401k, and maxed out my credit cards twice, but that's about it.  Somehow, I managed to pay off a lot of the debt created in the marriage during the marriage. 

[Boss302]

God bless you... .after a two year fight with my BPDx, I was bruised, battered, and broke... .and free. Two years later, I'm freer still.

There is nothing better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TF1jH6Cv0tk

[Gmoney]

I was offered, and accepted, full custody of my daughter.  My ex has visitation 2 weekends a week, though right now, it's more like 2 overnights in practice.  Plus that may get cut down more with her current health issues.  We shall see.

Allegedly I will get child support, but the ex has so many financial issues that it's Monopoly money at this point.  In terms of money, I cleared out my 401k, and maxed out my credit cards twice, but that's about it.  Somehow, I managed to pay off a lot of the debt created in the marriage during the marriage. 

I hear you on child support.  My A wanted me to get it as well but I knew that was basically getting blood from a stone. She is required to pay half of all kids expenses and so far I have been getting 40% of it.  Something is better than nothing I guess

[slimmiller]

Unfortunately all too often we make fiancial sacrifices for them as well as emotional/sanity sacrifices.

I am almost two years out now (50/50 custody 3 kids) I dont pay support but cover literally everything for them with the exception of food when they are with her (she lives with her mom).

My financial equity has grown since then beyond my wildest imagination because I finally have control of it. No longer paying for her 'needs'   

As the saying goes, 'Why are Divorces expensive?'

Because they are WORTH it



Seriously though, it gets better!

[iluminati]

I hear you on child support.  My A wanted me to get it as well but I knew that was basically getting blood from a stone. She is required to pay half of all kids expenses and so far I have been getting 40% of it.  Something is better than nothing I guess

My attorney was the same way about fighting for more support, and I turned it down for the same reason.  I'm not here to help the Attorney Full Employment Act.  The only thing I've gotten so far was some school clothes and reimbursement to help defray the cost of uniforms.  That's it.  And I'm not expecting much more.

[freedom33]

It's great to hear all of you being so positive about what is coming. I have walked out on my 1.5 yr rs with a BPDgf and have been NC for 3 weeks. I also had to resign from my well paid job as I was underperforming the last year (at least keep my dignity intact rather than get fired) plus she was also working there. I am feeling pretty s**ty right now as I am jobless. I have started my own business but things have been quite tough in the beginning but this thread gives me hope.