Their contact with your friends? Think he's sniffing around

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have a good friend who I introduced my exBPDbf to when we were together and they got on well. He was always predominantly my friend though.

Whenever the ex split me black, I would talk to this friend. My ex knew this. I'd go to a social event my friend runs on the other side of London and he'd listen and advise me.

This time round, my ex is NC/ST with me, but has contacted my friend a few times, which is fairly unusual. Obviously my friend tells me this stuff. First my ex contacted my friend to ask him if he wanted to go out with him one evening to "meet new women", and told him lots of information about how he had a new house etcetc (not true as far as I know). My friend said it was clear he wanted to talk about me. I suspect he was just passing my friend information he just wanted him to pass to me. He hasn't moved as far as I can tell, and he never turned up for their planned evening out.

Now my ex has contacted my friend again, asking him if he could attend the social event he runs so that they could have "a chat". It's a monthly event that my ex said he would never go to. Yet again, he didn't turn up. My friend thinks he might have been trying to find out if I was going, for some reason. I suspect he's saying he might go to this event in order to stop me going.

Anyway, I just wanted to write that out really. Not sure if it's odd or not.

[Suspicious1]

I have a good friend who I introduced my exBPDbf to when we were together and they got on well. He was always predominantly my friend though.

Whenever the ex split me black, I would talk to this friend. My ex knew this. I'd go to a social event my friend runs on the other side of London and he'd listen and advise me.

This time round, my ex is NC/ST with me, but has contacted my friend a few times, which is fairly unusual. Obviously my friend tells me this stuff. First my ex contacted my friend to ask him if he wanted to go out with him one evening to "meet new women", and told him lots of information about how he had a new house etcetc (not true as far as I know). My friend said it was clear he wanted to talk about me. I suspect he was just passing my friend information he just wanted him to pass to me. He hasn't moved as far as I can tell, and he never turned up for their planned evening out.

Now my ex has contacted my friend again, asking him if he could attend the social event he runs so that they could have "a chat". It's a monthly event that my ex said he would never go to. Yet again, he didn't turn up. My friend thinks he might have been trying to find out if I was going, for some reason. I suspect he's saying he might go to this event in order to stop me going.

Anyway, I just wanted to write that out really. Not sure if it's odd or not.

[Rise]

Odd is a very subjective term. It would be odd if your ex were a "normal" person. But all things considered, it seems rather run of the mill to me. I also think you've got a pretty good handle on what he's up to.

[Suspicious1]

Thanks Rise. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable to it all today. I'm infuriated with myself for reading stuff into all this, but I think I'm having a weak point in my recovery.

[Mr Hollande]

My ex tried to add an old friend of mine on FB after our final split this summer. A female friend who I slept with during one of our many "breaks from each other". A girl who she, after finding out, hated so much she said she deserved to be raped. They have never met in real life and they've never spoken so they don't even know each other.

Why did she try to friend a girl she hates so much on FB? I'm still baffled by that one? Why does your ex contact your friend like that? They do these weird things in order to reach out. Some attempts are crazier than others but in their world it seems, like Rise said, run of the mill. Your friend who told your ex straight and then let you know seems like a real friend. That's a good thing.

[Suspicious1]

He's a very good friend, he said that it felt like my ex was trying to talk about me, so he just said he didn't know anything. He won't be drawn into conversation about me, and pleads ignorance. Which is why my ex might be giving up on that avenue.

Yes, it feels like a very vague, rubbish kind of reaching out. He's not even chucking me the crumbs himself, he's giving something that looks like it might be crumbs to someone else who may or may not pass them on to me. Rubbish!