Ouch the sting When to remove the ring?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Ok, in a bit of a moral quagmire here and I could really use some perspective.  I have a lot of emotions that are swirling around and I'm having a hard time identifying them.  I already know the answer is really up to me and not you guys, but I need a sounding board today on this.

1. First of all, when did you take off your ring?

A. Post seperation, before divorce

B. Post filing for divorce, before finalization

C. Post finalization of divorce

2. When did you feel like it was acceptable to not be monogamous (and I mean actively seeking company of the other sex as in dating, not necessarily having sex).  I mean to ask this question for yourself or when you felt it was OK for your ex.

A. Post seperation, before divorce

B. Post filing for divorce, before finalization

C. Post finalization of divorce


Backstory: I've been separated four months (I left in a self-preservation attempt) and have gone LC... .10 year marriage- no cheating either way that I suspect.  My uBPDstbxw who painted me black- I left, told her I want a Divorce- was painted white- NOW says "Hurry up and file for divorce" She says she is starting fresh now, and is not committed to me anymore."  This stings.  I think she has found a replacement during our separation and is now wanting to move on.  On one side that is good news right?  I want a divorce, she's found a new supply and is motivated to get things over with!  Geez, it still stings though and I feel betrayed even though I want out.  I still have my ring on and don't feel like it's right to really seriously be into someone or much less actually physically hook up with someone until the divorce is final.  We haven't event drawn up papers yet, but I think she's making life plans with new guy.

So I'm conflicted and confused about my emotions and I have read that pwBPD will find another source quickly and you will grow to be thankful for your replacement, but I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach while my intellect says "It is better that she has someone else to focus on in a positive way so all emotion isn't negative and focused on me"  Still, OUCH!  I do genuinely love her even though I can't live with her crazy anymore and want her to be happy and wouldn't want her to be alone, it just feels "too soon". 

Thanks for reading and for sharing any thoughts you might have.

[Heartandsole]

Ok, in a bit of a moral quagmire here and I could really use some perspective.  I have a lot of emotions that are swirling around and I'm having a hard time identifying them.  I already know the answer is really up to me and not you guys, but I need a sounding board today on this.

1. First of all, when did you take off your ring?

A. Post seperation, before divorce

B. Post filing for divorce, before finalization

C. Post finalization of divorce

2. When did you feel like it was acceptable to not be monogamous (and I mean actively seeking company of the other sex as in dating, not necessarily having sex).  I mean to ask this question for yourself or when you felt it was OK for your ex.

A. Post seperation, before divorce

B. Post filing for divorce, before finalization

C. Post finalization of divorce


Backstory: I've been separated four months (I left in a self-preservation attempt) and have gone LC... .10 year marriage- no cheating either way that I suspect.  My uBPDstbxw who painted me black- I left, told her I want a Divorce- was painted white- NOW says "Hurry up and file for divorce" She says she is starting fresh now, and is not committed to me anymore."  This stings.  I think she has found a replacement during our separation and is now wanting to move on.  On one side that is good news right?  I want a divorce, she's found a new supply and is motivated to get things over with!  Geez, it still stings though and I feel betrayed even though I want out.  I still have my ring on and don't feel like it's right to really seriously be into someone or much less actually physically hook up with someone until the divorce is final.  We haven't event drawn up papers yet, but I think she's making life plans with new guy.

So I'm conflicted and confused about my emotions and I have read that pwBPD will find another source quickly and you will grow to be thankful for your replacement, but I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach while my intellect says "It is better that she has someone else to focus on in a positive way so all emotion isn't negative and focused on me"  Still, OUCH!  I do genuinely love her even though I can't live with her crazy anymore and want her to be happy and wouldn't want her to be alone, it just feels "too soon". 

Thanks for reading and for sharing any thoughts you might have.

[enlighten me]

For me the ring came off as soon as she had a new supply. Which was straight away.

I didn't actively seek someone new for over a year. I realised I had to heal first.

If you wait for the divorce to be finalised you could be waiting a long time. Mine took 2 1/2 years as she was pulling all the strings.

[Lolster]

1) A

2) A (which led me into a BPD relationship)

Beware of the BPD citing any new partners in the divorce proceedings as affairs leading to the break down of the marriage, regardless of whether they are sleeping with half the town.

[Skip]

Can I add an option?  

D. After divorce recovery classes.

Coming out of a marriage, we are sitting ducks for the first person who values us.

[Heartandsole]

Can I add an option?  

D. After divorce recovery classes.

Coming out of a marriage, we are sitting ducks for the first person who values us.

True that Skip!  I am aggressively working on myself, and want to make sure I am whole before being in another relationship.  At the same time, pretty desperate for some human interaction and affection.  I want to REALLY know all the    before I get suckered into another toxic relationship. 

That being said, after having your self esteem beaten out of you for years it sure does feel good to give or receive a "wink" or a      Yup, sitting duck, at least I am aware.