Denial is crumbling

[KeepOnGoing]

From the article "Surviving a break up…" it says "Your “BPD” partner may have been insecure and needy and their problems inspired your sympathy and determination to resolve and feel exceptional, heroic, valuable." How true. I was stuck and I really sick love addiction cycle. I'm so sad about this. Anyone care to share about this topic?

[Mr Hollande]

True about mine for sure but with me it was not about feeling heroic and valuable as much as it was a case of the one I loved had problems and I was going to do everything I could to help her solve them. I really did believe that she wanted to get well and for her problems to be resolved. Now I know better. The hand I extended with love to help her has been firmly withdrawn.

[OutOfEgypt]

That's about right.

And that is not really love... .at least not mutual love.  Even in your case, being someone's rescuer is an easy way to make sure you never have to really be vulnerable by having the other person actually receive your love, yet do so in a way that you can pass off as noble and romantic.

[honeysuckle]

Sigh... .mine had gone through a traumatic time and had nightmares and cried a lot about the experience. He had been dealing with it for over 9 years. I was inspired to help and take all the pain away. I did help and got him in to therapy and took him on a trip and we talked about the experience for days and I helped him see it in a better way. He got much better. No more nightmares and he improved his outlook on it overall.

Two things came out of that:

1) He used the story of this trauma to gain sympathy from my replacement.

2) When we talked about it later I was in no way helpful in the process. He did it on his own!

So there you have it! I was written out of the process altogether even when talking to ME about it!

THAT helped me to see there was a huge disconnect

[KeepOnGoing]

That's about right.

And that is not really love... .at least not mutual love.  Even in your case, being someone's rescuer is an easy way to make sure you never have to really be vulnerable by having the other person actually receive your love, yet do so in a way that you can pass off as noble and romantic.

Say more about that. The vulnerability part.

[KeepOnGoing]

Sigh... .mine had gone through a traumatic time and had nightmares and cried a lot about the experience. He had been dealing with it for over 9 years. I was inspired to help and take all the pain away. I did help and got him in to therapy and took him on a trip and we talked about the experience for days and I helped him see it in a better way. He got much better. No more nightmares and he improved his outlook on it overall.

Two things came out of that:

1) He used the story of this trauma to gain sympathy from my replacement.

2) When we talked about it later I was in no way helpful in the process. He did it on his own!

So there you have it! I was written out of the process altogether even when talking to ME about it!

THAT helped me to see there was a huge disconnect

I'm so sorry honeysuckle. I think I originally got credit, but probably not now that I have been painted black. I also noticed she needed validation from so many others.

[Infern0]

I suffer from the dreaded white knight syndrome,  something I appear to finally have started getting a handle on and reducing.

When I met her I didn't know much about her but she seemed sad and lonely and drew me like a moth to a flame.

When she fully opened up to me about all her suffering and horrible past and said "you are the only person who has ever understood" well, the white knight put on his armour,  grabbed his sword and sprinted straight into the eye of the storm.

It's definatley a certain type of person who is drawn in by them.

It's funny because I was involved with a girl 3 years ago who left me broken and I have a strong feeling she was BPD also,  the queen type.

She came to me for help in her relationship with a partner painted black, drew me in feeling sorry for her and then the games begin. I had violent tendencies then (not towards women ever) and she often admitted to enjoying that side of me, enjoying my anger and wanting to unleash me on those who had wronged her. Then after idealisation came push pull and finally black paint over nothing.  I ignored that and many other red flags but suffice it to say that situation could have turned very nasty had I not been fortunate to get out in time.

Well I never truly recovered from that,  and two and a half years later I met the waif. It's really odd because both times it was almost exactly 6 months.  The waif was way worse than the queen because I was younger with the queen and a bit of a jerk myself but the waif got me when I was vulnerable and I gave her 100 % of me. It's funny because I thought the waif was the opposite of the queen when I met her but they are actually so alike it's incredible. Just subtle differences but the same exact game.

2011-2014 three years of my life defined by the queen and the waif.

I often wonder what would happen if they met haha what a meeting of the minds.

[freedom33]

2011-2014 three years of my life defined by the queen and the waif.

I often wonder what would happen if they met haha what a meeting of the minds.

Mine was Queen at times and Witch at others (I do not recommend the latter). But when she 'd lose her grip on me and I was out of her control she 'd regress to a waif and become this poor creature.

Entitlement, Manipulation, Deceit, Punishment and Drama is what her three masks amounted to.