been nc for 3 weeks with BPDm & emeshed father.

[blanquita]

Hello 

So been no contact for 3 weeks and still getting mixed emotions daily about it. I think I may be on a FOG as this describes... feel someone guilty, miss my dad, wishing my parents could just be normal so we could have a peaceful relationship and lastly a lil anger & loneliness as well.   

Anyone have any advice or stories to relate to my situation? I know nc  is best for my situation because boundaries were constantly ignored and also my individually never respected.

[Harri]

Hi.  I think your feelings are to be expected given your situation.  All of what you describe are, I think, healthy responses to a very painful situation.  The best advice I have for you is to let yourself feel whatever it is you feel, do not judge (as in "I should not feel guilty or whatever) and know that those feeling will pass in time. 

What helped me was doing the above and telling myself that having those feelings was normal.  I also did a lot of writing to vent and also to reflect. 

It does get better blanquita.  Be gentle with yourself.   

[clljhns]

Hi blanquita,


I have been where you are. It has been almost 10 years for me NC with parents. I went through a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I did experience guilt, mostly because I was made to feel responsible for my parents feelings and well-being. I was also enraged that I had been abused, as well as my sibling, by these people for so long. I was also afraid of retaliation by them, because they had always used threats to get compliance and I believed they were so powerful. I am thankful that I had a group of very supportive friends who I am forever indebted to for helping me through those difficult days. I immediately sought professional help, which gave me the foundation I needed to begin the process of healing.

I went through several years of grief. I grieved that I did not have  a warm and nurturing family.  I had to learn to nurture myself and take care of my own needs. I do not have contact with any of my siblings because they all have their own mental health issues as a result of the abuse. In essence, I became an orphan abruptly.

Now, I am back in counseling after trying to reconnect with two of my siblings, which did not go well. Healing from a family member(s) that have BPD takes time. It is a process. Give yourself permission to grieve. Most importantly, give yourself lots of affirmation that what you are doing is what is best for you!

Have you considered engaging a professional to help you navigate through this emotional land mine? I remember when I first went into therapy and told my therapist that there was so much going on in my mind that I couldn't make sense of anything. It was as if everything was floating above me, in a jumbled mess. She told me not to worry, that we would take a piece at a time and look at it, and then decide what to do with it. I encourage you to look into professional help and to call on your closest friends for support.

I wish much peace and many blessings