Shell of myself

[mro0429]

Sorry to sound overly dramatic but it's been a bad couple weeks for me. I feel like I am an empty shell, totally hollow, like he took every ounce of light out of me and I've slipped into a hole that I can't climb out from. Been 10 months of n/c from me but his desperate mails and texts continue and I feel like he's driving a wedge into this crack in my psyche that gets a little wider and deeper with each tap of his hammer. Don't know how much longer I can continue like this before I break or what to do to solve this. Terrified of sending his emails straight to delete in the event that he finally succeeds in killing himself, and I miss a final goodbye and spend the rest of my life seeking peace that I will never find. So low right now and don't know where to turn.

[Rifka]

I welcome to the forums. You will find a lot of information here about many of the problems that you expressed.

As soon as you realize that the only way that you will begin to feel better is when you switch your focus completely on yourself. We can only be responsible for our own actions.

My ex also threatened me that if I left him that he would kill himself. I literally sat on him for hours on end one night because he told me that he had nothing to live for if we were not together and will drive into a wall on the drive home.

I cried with him and had not hour of sleep that whole night fighting to keep him here.

I didn't know that this was a common threat that people with BPD use to keep control of their prey. I learned it is by reading the materials and threads here.

Sometimes they do follow through. The thing is that you can call the police and report that they are threatening suicde and let them handle it and disconnect yourself from being stuck in the guilt position you have allowed yourself to be in the middle of.

As far as the emails and texts. You can block you exes number and emails. You can also file a police report depending on your state laws regarding stalking.

Basically it is in your hands to either take control of you or to live the way you are for however much longer.

I have been complete n/c for 16 days. Broken up for just over a month. He has stopped bothering me, and all texts and emails calls and visits to my house have stopped. I needed to file a stalking report at the police dept and tell him that a restraining order was next if he continued.

I wish you luck and send hugs to you. It is not easy but it gets better when you put the focus on you truly healing. We can not save the world, but we can save ourselves when we are ready to!

[hurting300]

Of course you feel hollow! He borrowed YOUR personality dear. He mirrored you, he idealized you then at the flip of a switch he turned on you. Even a short term relationship with somebody who is a borderline can leave deep cuts to your ego. Bpd's steal your identity that's why it felt so right to you and now you are desperate for answers. Listen closely; you will win this. Once it's over you will be a rock! Next him and spin plates. Peace... .