Who loves the drama?

[rg1976]

Has anyone else ever been accused of "liking" the drama that is involved with having a relationship with a pwBPD? I can't say: "I love the drama." In fact, I hate it. I wish it would go away and I could have a great relationship with the person she is when she's not having an episode.

But would I become bored? If it were just a "normal" relationship where I didn't have to work so hard and worry about what might trigger her? If I didn't have to fight so hard for every ounce of scrap affection that is so few and far between that I'm starved?

How bad is this:

Today I am shopping with my pwBPD. She reaches her arm to me. Her arm touches me. At first, I think she's trying to be sweet and I am moved by the moment. Then, I realize: No, she's just pushing me out of her way because she sees something on the shelf in front of me that she is interested in... .

It almost makes me cry when someone expresses a simple kindness to me, says 'thank you', or if someone talks to me without screaming at me or putting me down.

Am I so brainwashed that I actually love the drama and the struggle this relationship presents?

Am I a masochist? Sometimes I wonder.

[Tibbles]

I so relate to this. I was always responsible for the drama - apparently  - and needed it like a drug - apparently. He used to say I cycled - needed drama every few weeks and sometimes every week to feel alive. For a time I actually believed him and wondered if this was true, even though I hated it all. When I left my ex got into a real battle with the neighbours, I was able to look at that and think - I did not create the drama and I am so glad I am out of it!

One interesting thing I read about getting out is that one thing us non's have to get used to is no drama. The drama takes up so much of our think time and emotion it feels weird not to have it in our lives. That was true for me. I honestly didn't know what to do with all this free time I had for myself and for my mind. I watched my ex go from one battle with the neighbours, to another with a work colleague, to arguments with his family. It reaffirmed it is him and not me. He saw everyone as a threat and had to be treated as such.

Now I love having no drama. I haven't been a part of any battles with any one and that feels so good. Just peace and calm in my life.

So in answer to your question - no its not you and you don't love it. It is just that it takes all your emotional and thinking time to be in the relationship that it feels normal.

[Lolster]

I think they assume we like the drama.  I made it clear to mine I have enough drama in my life and wont tolerate any outside drama's on top. So of course when he caused drama it was all my fault.

I do have a bipolar friend who appears to be in a relationship with a pwBPD, and she does indeed seem to thrive off the drama. 

[Bak86]

I have to admit i do think a fight in a relationship is healthy from time to time, keeps it healthy.

[Loveofhislife]

It almost makes me cry when someone expresses a simple kindness to me, says 'thank you', or if someone talks to me without screaming at me or putting me down.

Wow--your quote about feeling uncomfortable when someone is kind is spot on. I cry when someone says nice things to me or about me. I thought it was only me. Maybe that's part of our PTSD or remnants of our "trauma bond,." Check out posts from OutofEgypt, he has written some tremendous insight about our feelings of deep shame. And remember, it all has been about them for so long. Walking in egg shells--I was afraid to be complimented for fear it would trigger exbfBPD--NO ONE SHOULD SAY NICE THINGS OR FLATTER ME because that means they want something from me (sex, money, etc.) Oh yeah, that was him projecting. The drama is addicting; it's an adrenalin addiction in my case. And it was NEVER boring. I used to laugh when he said he could tell I was getting bored with him WOW.