A strange sighting

[joolz29]

Not posted for a while but something happened yesterday that brings me back... .it's now been over a year (just) since I last saw my foster daughter. Yesterday on my way to a friend's wedding, I was standing at traffic lights when a bus drew up. Directly opposite me, sitting on the bus was my foster daughter. She stared at me with a blank expression. The bus was not moving so for a few minutes as I waited for the lights to catch she was directly opposite me. I waved with a friendly smile as I didn't know what else to do. Her reaction was odd, she didn't smile or look away, she shook her head. As the bus pulled away, she continues shaking her head, I'm assuming in a kind of 'why are you acknowledging me' kind of way. It was quite unnerving seeing her like that. I was surprised she didn't look away but continued to look blankly at me, as if she was trying to convey her contempt for me (that's how it felt) So after all my speculation earlier on this board, I think it is safe to say the relationship is well and truly finished for good. I was pleased i reacted in a friendly way cos I'm basically a friendly person and bear her no ill but it all happened so quickly , it did freak me out a bit... .she looked uncomfortable and ill at ease. I was once someone who she thought of very highly but yesterday's reaction proved to me these days are well and truly over. I'm not actually too bothered just sad at how someone can change their view of me so drastically that she couldn't even bring herself to acknowledge me back... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

I'm glad you are finding that you are able to deal with this strange occurrence, joolz29, and I'm sorry that it was such a sad situation.

Is it possible that her reaction was in some way saying, "I don't think I know you... .I'm not who you think I am... ." ?

I'm not saying that she wasn't your foster daughter, but maybe that was what she was trying to convey, instead of contempt? Just a thought, but you were there, so I'm sure you know best about the actions she made... .

I'm sorry this happened; how are you doing? Are you feeling okay? It had to be really sad and confusing; you did your best overall, and your reaction was friendly and loving. You need to live with yourself, so it's good that you don't have to feel any regret over that 

[joolz29]

Rapt reader, your  interpretation is nicer than mine! And yes it makes sense as I know that if she truly wanted to show contempt she would've looked away or made a sneery face or gesture (I've seen her do that before) It was more of a blank, sad shake of the head with a sad face. I thought I was okay but I'm realising I'm not really. The sadness of this illness has hit me again. For someone to feel so wounded and unworthy of love that they have to repel anyone who tries to get close to them is just so tragic. I guess it all happened so quickly and if I was freaked out then let's face it, so will she have been. Thanks for your kind, supportive words. I will be okay, just need to work through this unexpected blast back to seeing her and feeling how different things should have been... I guess if she chooses to think about it, she will see that I was friendly and accepting of seeing her... .