Ex spending time with replacement and his ex wife - one big happy family?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have noticed from photos on facebook that my xBPDh seems to be going to lots of family events lately.  These were the sort of thing he wasn't keen on going to when we were together.  In fact, he hardly had anything to with his family.

The strange thing is, in many of the photos, he is sitting with the replacement and his ex wife.  They seem to be friendly and sit next to each other looking like they are chatting.

I can understand that it is good to be civil with an ex, particularly when you have kids together and will be at the same events.  What I can't understand is this over friendliness.

When I first got together with my ex, he did the same thing.  We went to every family party, etc. and ended up sitting with his ex and her new bloke (who she had left him for).  I always felt that he was trying to make a point that he was happier with me.  It was like he was 'showing me off'.  I got really uncomfortable with it and made a point of avoiding his ex wife if I could.  This 'fake friends' thing just seemed weird.  However, she was always in the background throughout our marriage.  She would phone him about things that were really nothing to do with him and she did not need to keep in contact as often as she did.  As soon as we started having problems, she suggested that they could have a night out and she said that she was there for him if he needed to talk (or so he told me).  It seemed to me that she was always trying to make her presence felt and he was trying to make me jealous.

Now it looks as though the pattern is being repeated.  Why would my ex be doing this?  I know it's nothing to do with me now and I am better off out of it, but I am curious as to what they can be getting from this.  I think that maybe my ex's marriage to his ex wife lasted much longer than ours was that they were both as screwed up as each other!

[Popcorn71]

I have noticed from photos on facebook that my xBPDh seems to be going to lots of family events lately.  These were the sort of thing he wasn't keen on going to when we were together.  In fact, he hardly had anything to with his family.

The strange thing is, in many of the photos, he is sitting with the replacement and his ex wife.  They seem to be friendly and sit next to each other looking like they are chatting.

I can understand that it is good to be civil with an ex, particularly when you have kids together and will be at the same events.  What I can't understand is this over friendliness.

When I first got together with my ex, he did the same thing.  We went to every family party, etc. and ended up sitting with his ex and her new bloke (who she had left him for).  I always felt that he was trying to make a point that he was happier with me.  It was like he was 'showing me off'.  I got really uncomfortable with it and made a point of avoiding his ex wife if I could.  This 'fake friends' thing just seemed weird.  However, she was always in the background throughout our marriage.  She would phone him about things that were really nothing to do with him and she did not need to keep in contact as often as she did.  As soon as we started having problems, she suggested that they could have a night out and she said that she was there for him if he needed to talk (or so he told me).  It seemed to me that she was always trying to make her presence felt and he was trying to make me jealous.

Now it looks as though the pattern is being repeated.  Why would my ex be doing this?  I know it's nothing to do with me now and I am better off out of it, but I am curious as to what they can be getting from this.  I think that maybe my ex's marriage to his ex wife lasted much longer than ours was that they were both as screwed up as each other!

[Mutt]

That's really strange Popcorn71. He could of lied and said that she called when things where starting to become difficult for you. Let's say that it came from him. It's a karpman drama triangle.

It releases pressure from the primary relationship and he's shifted to the secondary relationship. Having said that it doesn't sound like they were still romantic partners?

She doesn't have healthy boundaries nonetheless and your ex either. She could have PD traits, who knows. Either way you look at if it's not healthy. I agree if there are children involved but it's a fine line with having group photos. I wouldn't do it with my ex. We're two different families.

It's the new gf's worries now with the ex wife and your exbf. Seeing it from where you are now likely seems different? More uncomfortable and bizzare than it was?

[Infern0]

Happy family?

Sounds more like the Adams family!

[goldylamont]

the replacement is in the same position as you were. being fed the same bs. will soon be trying to figure just out just like you did. same, same, same. it's uncanny how predictable these situations can be from a birds-eye point of view. i hope this makes it at least a little easier for you to extricate yourself from the situation. if anything depersonalizes what happened between me and my ex it was seeing it played out over and over with others. all the problems followed her like Pig-Pen's stink cloud.