Are pwBPD drawn to other pwBPD for friendships?

[Springle]

Title kind of says it all.

I was thinking about this. My old friend with pwBPD (and non ex's new gf) seemed to have a surprisingly large number of 'friends' that also seemed to have BPD or similar poor mental health. I don't mean depression or anxiety by that I mean destructive mental health issues.

The girl she had as her on/off best friend was the only one that seemed vaguely normal, tbh I don't think the girl in question would have agreed if you had asked her 'are you [pwBPD] best friend?', sure it would have been met with a 'Hell no'.

However, another two girls she hung out with ugh they were odd. One DEFINITELY had BPD (or worse), I have no idea if she was diagnosed but I only had to meet her once (and this was before I knew what BPD was) to know she was seriously off balance and, frankly, quite dangerous; I remember talking to my exbf about it and saying I wasn't comfortable him hanging out with her, it did not help that she had had relationships with all three of his brothers! And had made moves on my ex too! Including when him and I were actually together. The other one she lived with for a time and was back living with her again hmm about a year and a half ago? This girl was muuuch quieter, had been married twice and was on her second divorce I think, she just seemed to mess people around a lot and was really really sensitive and easily offended; would be quick to sulk. Not sure if she has BPD but she didn't seem quite together either.

Then there was a guy she was also friends with and he was, hmmm to put it bluntly, a bit of a scavenger when it came to girls. He drank a lot too and it was quite normal for us to have to call an ambulance for him on nights out :/. But yes he seemed to prey on girls whom he knew were having relationship problems or the second they were out of a relationship with a mate of his he would jump right in to bed with them. Really dirty and just a a$$ tbh.

Probably the most normal of my pwBPD friend's was my ex's brother, he was a pretty together guy, I don't know what possessed him to keep hanging out with her and how he never really seemed to get negatively affected by their friendship.

[Blimblam]

Many of mys exs friends seemed to have strong narcissistic traits and histrionic traits. Bpd? Quite possible. My ex was a quiet borderline who seemed to have real potential for growth.  Such a tragedy.  She seemed to envy their ability to be ostentatious in their lie to themselves a willing participant in their lie to run away from her own issues.

[Infern0]

Mine has two "friends" she constantly seems to fall in and out with.

Both have clear issues.  One is a plain as day narcissist,  with possible queen BPD traits. The other one I haven't seen enough to figure out but she certainly has major issues of her own.

Anyone who can be around them long enough without suffering major damage has got to have a personality disorder or be emotionally numb or something.

[Ventus2ct]

"Birds of the same feather stick together" is a term I used to my ex, all her friends both male and female all showed traits, some more than others, all single, all on dating sites, all seriously binge drink, all are happy for lots of one night stands, all talk about themselves non stop, manipulative, etc etc. Plenty of early signs for me

Although the "turn over" of friends was quite rapid, i.e. they didn't stick around for long and also they became "best friends" very quickly in her eyes.

I have best friends that I have known for 30+ years and they will always remain so, sure I have lost some over the years but then I am different.

I did ask this same question some time ago on this forum but got no reply.

[Infern0]

"Birds of the same feather stick together" is a term I used to my ex, all her friends both male and female all showed traits, some more than others, all single, all on dating sites, all seriously binge drink, all are happy for lots of one night stands, all talk about themselves non stop, manipulative, etc etc. Plenty of early signs for me

Although the "turn over" of friends was quite rapid, i.e. they didn't stick around for long and also they became "best friends" very quickly in her eyes.

I have best friends that I have known for 30+ years and they will always remain so, sure I have lost some over the years but then I am different.

I did ask this same question some time ago on this forum but got no reply.

Having long term friends who you hardly ever fall out with is something pwBPD just can't do. My best friend I've known for 9 years and we have hardly ever had an argument.  Same with relationships.  My longest was a relatively happy 4 years and it ended amicably and we still talk from time to time.

Normal people don't make "enemies" imo

[Ventus2ct]

Yup I agree, my best friend I might see 2-10 times a year, he works abroad and we meet up sometimes when he is over, when I see him, it's like we only saw each other the day before. I have a host of friends 20+ years and they are the same.

My exBPD invited a friend of hers to stay for a shoot weekend here on the farm, she seemed quite pleasant and it was only when she had gone on the Sunday did I ask how long she had known her, her reply was, "oh I have only met her once before at a party"

This party she went to was one where she went with her ex, she got drunk and ended up getting off with some other chap while her then boyfriend was busy chatting.

So that was how she worked! Classy hey! So glad am away from all that sort of nonsense!

[BlackandBlue]

Everyday these boards make me realize something else about my ex that was abnormal or and indicator that she definitely has BPD. Some of these people she calls "friends" exhibit borderline traits. The one is a total narcissistic jerk... .even worse than my ex! I work with both of them and they both think the place will fall apart without them. A lot of these friendships dont last long either because one of them starts up drama. My original replacement was actually her "new best friend" which she knew all of a month from a college math class. I tried being friends with my ex after we broke up but I wasnt as fun and outgoing as the new best friend. She said I was too boring. Meanwhile she used to tell me the opposite. These BPD's are walking contradictions.

[Popcorn71]

This topic is something I thought about before.  I noticed that my exBPDh didn't have many real friends.  He knew everybody and could always find somebody to have a laugh with in the pub, but he didn't seem to stick to the same people for long.  It depended on what his interests were at the time, then he became 'best mates' with whoever fitted in at that time.  When he moved on to another interest or they were no use to him, they disappeared, only to be replaced by the next set of friends.

Strangely, an old friend of my ex, came over to talk to me the other day.  He wanted to know my side of the story of our breakup.  He told me that he had not seen or heard from my ex for years, until recently, when he called this man to ask a favour.  Typical - people are only in his mind when they can do something for him!

The only long term friend of my ex who was always around, was a man who I believe may have been BPD.  When I was with my ex, I used to say that if we split up I could imagine him ending up like this friend.  This man was in his 70's, divorced 6 times and a very lonely man.  He was well known and everyone's mate, but could never find anyone to spend time with.  I guess everybody got fed up of him at some point.

I can see my ex ending up just like this man eventually.

[Infared]

Mine had no friends... .or if she did, they were friends "light".

[workinprogress]

My wife's friends were horrible!  I hated being around them.  They all thought they were so fun and cool!

They would make fun of their husbands, laugh about denying them sex, talk about other guys and so forth.

It was truly awful.

[Panda39]

I don't know what my SO's uBPDexw's friendships are like first hand.  But from the outside looking in her friends seem to be dysfunctional doormat kinds of people or "victims" that my SO's uBPDexw can use as needed for a place to live, borrow money from or bum a ride off of, validate her lies... .