I guess she really likes my Replacement?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Ive been with my exBPD for 4 years.  Splitting around every 4-6 months.  She has all the signs, and is extreme BPD.

She dumped me for someone and started dating them 9 days after meeting them.  Is this a joke?  All she's doing on her instagram is posts things about her "BABE" or her "BF" or her "BAM BAM (pet name).  AND they havent even known eachother for 3 weeks -.-.  They have nothing in common and she's pretending to like things she hates to mirror him.

I guess she really likes him? o.e or is this some kind of sick joke that BPD ppl do. 

If youre interested in the whole story... its in an earlier thread by me obiously.

[Algae]

Ive been with my exBPD for 4 years.  Splitting around every 4-6 months.  She has all the signs, and is extreme BPD.

She dumped me for someone and started dating them 9 days after meeting them.  Is this a joke?  All she's doing on her instagram is posts things about her "BABE" or her "BF" or her "BAM BAM (pet name).  AND they havent even known eachother for 3 weeks -.-.  They have nothing in common and she's pretending to like things she hates to mirror him.

I guess she really likes him? o.e or is this some kind of sick joke that BPD ppl do. 

If youre interested in the whole story... its in an earlier thread by me obiously.

[Algae]

She still wears MY shirts, MY BACKPACK.  What the flying frick -.-

[Ceruleanblue]

Well, now that you are out of the relationship, do you have some clarity, or are you still too hurt to have that? I get the feeling you see, and know just how "off" her behaviors are. You know she'll do the same things with this guy, right? I'm sure she pretended with you in the beginning too.

Everyone is on their best behavior when first dating, even nonBPDs, but with BPDs it's all about mirroring, and getting the hook in. I swear they give off some sort of super strong voodoo pheromones or something too... ..

You are going to feel sick for a while, and sad, and probably want to keep up on what she's doing... .I did all that too when I got away from someone who was likely a sociopath. It's a journey.

Are you thinking of getting back with her, or are you two truly done?

[Algae]

Well, now that you are out of the relationship, do you have some clarity, or are you still too hurt to have that? I get the feeling you see, and know just how "off" her behaviors are. You know she'll do the same things with this guy, right? I'm sure she pretended with you in the beginning too.

Everyone is on their best behavior when first dating, even nonBPDs, but with BPDs it's all about mirroring, and getting the hook in. I swear they give off some sort of super strong voodoo pheromones or something too... ..

You are going to feel sick for a while, and sad, and probably want to keep up on what she's doing... .I did all that too when I got away from someone who was likely a sociopath. It's a journey.

Are you thinking of getting back with her, or are you two truly done?

Well everything you asked is in my other thread which is here.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=232857.0

But in the beginning when I met her 4 years ago, she DID have self harm problems and cheated and whatnot.  But I knew when she was being real and when she was being fake.  And She knew I was the only person who she didnt have to mirror or be fake around.  Shes split on me several times because she associates everything that makes her sad with me... even if its nothing i did.  Everytime she splits she just one day says she loves me to death... then next day blocks from everything without a single word... like i never existed.  Its forced NC from her but she always comes back begging.

My weird thing is... what the heck how can she just be so obsessed with me and all of a sudden latch onto somebody else... and LOOK HAPPY?  CALL THEM PET NAMES?  Shes faking believing GOD, Faking that she loves Disney, Faking her music style just for this guy.  I KNOW she hates all that stuff.

A psychologist told me that deep down shes not happy but what the heck she sure looks it -.-.  So thats it?  BOOK CLOSED?  No.  Im not accepting that. -.-.  I DO want her to message me, and I'm NOT getting back with her, but I at least want her to know what she did and to get help.

So How can she even pretend to be happy with a replacement.

[Algae]

To add to that last sentance I wrote up there ^^^^^.

It just seems like this is some kind of sick joke.  Or all Faked just from idolizing or i dont even know.  The guy is unware that Shes BPD.  And even if she showed signs (which she wont. I didnt realize until 4 years).  He prolly is obsessed enough that he wont care being as innocent as he is :P

[christoff522]

Ive been with my exBPD for 4 years.  Splitting around every 4-6 months.  She has all the signs, and is extreme BPD.

She dumped me for someone and started dating them 9 days after meeting them.  Is this a joke?  All she's doing on her instagram is posts things about her "BABE" or her "BF" or her "BAM BAM (pet name).  AND they havent even known eachother for 3 weeks -.-.  They have nothing in common and she's pretending to like things she hates to mirror him.

I guess she really likes him? o.e or is this some kind of sick joke that BPD ppl do.

If youre interested in the whole story... its in an earlier thread by me obiously.

She does really like him yes. BPD's are fragile creatures mentally. She's seen something good, something she can latch onto and now she's trying to harness it. It's an illusion however, what she's seeking in this person is something of a fantasy. It could be his faith, his self-assurance. Something that makes him seem more emotionally stable than her. BPDs are always trying to come to terms with the emptiness that they feel, thats why they do all these things that are just so weird to normal folks, alcoholism, drugs, promiscuity etc - they're trying to deal with emptiness. For a while someone else does fill that hole (no pun intended).

She still wears MY shirts, MY BACKPACK.  What the flying frick -.-

I don't say this to be mean, she may have forgotten they were yours, or they could have sentimental value

But in the beginning when I met her 4 years ago, she DID have self harm problems and cheated and whatnot.  But I knew when she was being real and when she was being fake.  And She knew I was the only person who she didnt have to mirror or be fake around.  Shes split on me several times because she associates everything that makes her sad with me... even if its nothing i did.  Everytime she splits she just one day says she loves me to death... then next day blocks from everything without a single word... like i never existed.  Its forced NC from her but she always comes back begging.

The association is called splitting, you've been split black - or painted black. It's the black and white thinking that comes with the disorder, they become overwhelmed and suddenly they have to lay it on someone. Assuming you would abandon them anyway they abandon you and all the problems they've associated with you. Mine split with her ex every two months. Then she left me after 2 months. Very odd. If she's with someone else though, its time to get over her.

My weird thing is... what the heck how can she just be so obsessed with me and all of a sudden latch onto somebody else... and LOOK HAPPY?  CALL THEM PET NAMES?  Shes faking believing GOD, Faking that she loves Disney, Faking her music style just for this guy.  I KNOW she hates all that stuff.

This is the nature of the beast. Her happiness is external not internal, she focuses it elsewhere. Like your or I, we have an internal well of happiness. We can look at our memories and smile, or at least be secure in our own skin (although after 4 years of that ___ its possible you don't feel like that). A BPD needs someone - anyone to love them, adore them, validate them - only then can they be happy. I've seen the difference. When a BPD is alone they go kinda dormant, lie in bed all day, mope, get their little AFCs (betas) on skype or whatever. Then when someone comes along they can idealize its all different. Thats when they 'mirror' or fake as you put it. They try on a new hat a. to see if it works and makes them happy and b. to try to keep this new one.

Honestly, she may have hated that stuff with you... but as far as she is concerned she loves it now. Don't try to think of her as a normal human being, she's not, she's all manner of crazy. You have a lot of reading to do sir.

A psychologist told me that deep down shes not happy but what the heck she sure looks it -.-.  So thats it?  BOOK CLOSED?  No.  Im not accepting that. -.-.  I DO want her to message me, and I'm NOT getting back with her, but I at least want her to know what she did and to get help.

So How can she even pretend to be happy with a replacement.

I think you misunderstood what the psychologist told you. What he means is that deep down inside of her is anguish, terror, self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, severe depression. For a time they can be happy... but it quickly subsides. So long as the BPD can maintain the FANTASY then she'll be happy. When reality comes along its something known as 'caretaking' on the part of the normal-ish, insecure guy who's desperate enough to stay with her. But at that point the BPD will begin abusing, dominating and running him down - oh and she'll cheat as well.

At this point you're either lying, or you're in denial. Why would you want her to message you? Yet not want to get back with her? Do you want her to apologise? Make amends? You need to ask yourself why you want this, then deal with that. Are you unable to deal with the fact you're alone? 4 years is a long time. That psychologist you saw, I think you should talk to him, get yourself in therapy. It'll help you to deal with what happened.

As someone who (on a much more limited scale) has been where you are. I can tell you that it's gonna take a long time to completely dispell what's happened to you. But it is very likely that it's over. She IS gone now, she is with someone else. He's gonna go through hell just like you did. I can tell that you're young, probably in late teens - early 20s. This isn't the end of the world, what you had was a dysfunctional relationship, and you're truly, honestly better off without it. You're gonna be depressed, and want closure... but look, closure simply doesn't come from BPDs, even if they do apologise its a lie - they'll think YOU'RE CRAZY, and so only be saying it to appease you. If you had contact with her, you'd be left there simply clicking like on her pictures, hoping one day she realises the error of her ways. f*** em, they're not worth it brother. Is she happy? yes... .FOR NOW!

It just seems like this is some kind of sick joke.  Or all Faked just from idolizing or i dont even know.  The guy is unware that Shes BPD.  And even if she showed signs (which she wont. I didnt realize until 4 years).  He prolly is obsessed enough that he wont care being as innocent as he is :P

He's probably picked up the same red flags that you did. But they put you in a state of frenzy, you're depressed, can't see whats going on, you wanna help and you feel bad for getting angry, and they're there telling you you're losing it... its horrible. I'm gonna PM you some links to give you a different... more manly perspective here bro.

[Algae]

Ive been with my exBPD for 4 years.  Splitting around every 4-6 months.  She has all the signs, and is extreme BPD.

She dumped me for someone and started dating them 9 days after meeting them.  Is this a joke?  All she's doing on her instagram is posts things about her "BABE" or her "BF" or her "BAM BAM (pet name).  AND they havent even known eachother for 3 weeks -.-.  They have nothing in common and she's pretending to like things she hates to mirror him.

I guess she really likes him? o.e or is this some kind of sick joke that BPD ppl do.

If youre interested in the whole story... its in an earlier thread by me obiously.

She does really like him yes. BPD's are fragile creatures mentally. She's seen something good, something she can latch onto and now she's trying to harness it. It's an illusion however, what she's seeking in this person is something of a fantasy. It could be his faith, his self-assurance. Something that makes him seem more emotionally stable than her. BPDs are always trying to come to terms with the emptiness that they feel, thats why they do all these things that are just so weird to normal folks, alcoholism, drugs, promiscuity etc - they're trying to deal with emptiness. For a while someone else does fill that hole (no pun intended).

She still wears MY shirts, MY BACKPACK.  What the flying frick -.-

I don't say this to be mean, she may have forgotten they were yours, or they could have sentimental value

But in the beginning when I met her 4 years ago, she DID have self harm problems and cheated and whatnot.  But I knew when she was being real and when she was being fake.  And She knew I was the only person who she didnt have to mirror or be fake around.  Shes split on me several times because she associates everything that makes her sad with me... even if its nothing i did.  Everytime she splits she just one day says she loves me to death... then next day blocks from everything without a single word... like i never existed.  Its forced NC from her but she always comes back begging.

The association is called splitting, you've been split black - or painted black. It's the black and white thinking that comes with the disorder, they become overwhelmed and suddenly they have to lay it on someone. Assuming you would abandon them anyway they abandon you and all the problems they've associated with you. Mine split with her ex every two months. Then she left me after 2 months. Very odd. If she's with someone else though, its time to get over her.

My weird thing is... what the heck how can she just be so obsessed with me and all of a sudden latch onto somebody else... and LOOK HAPPY?  CALL THEM PET NAMES?  Shes faking believing GOD, Faking that she loves Disney, Faking her music style just for this guy.  I KNOW she hates all that stuff.

This is the nature of the beast. Her happiness is external not internal, she focuses it elsewhere. Like your or I, we have an internal well of happiness. We can look at our memories and smile, or at least be secure in our own skin (although after 4 years of that ___ its possible you don't feel like that). A BPD needs someone - anyone to love them, adore them, validate them - only then can they be happy. I've seen the difference. When a BPD is alone they go kinda dormant, lie in bed all day, mope, get their little AFCs (betas) on skype or whatever. Then when someone comes along they can idealize its all different. Thats when they 'mirror' or fake as you put it. They try on a new hat a. to see if it works and makes them happy and b. to try to keep this new one.

Honestly, she may have hated that stuff with you... but as far as she is concerned she loves it now. Don't try to think of her as a normal human being, she's not, she's all manner of crazy. You have a lot of reading to do sir.

A psychologist told me that deep down shes not happy but what the heck she sure looks it -.-.  So thats it?  BOOK CLOSED?  No.  Im not accepting that. -.-.  I DO want her to message me, and I'm NOT getting back with her, but I at least want her to know what she did and to get help.

So How can she even pretend to be happy with a replacement.

I think you misunderstood what the psychologist told you. What he means is that deep down inside of her is anguish, terror, self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, severe depression. For a time they can be happy... but it quickly subsides. So long as the BPD can maintain the FANTASY then she'll be happy. When reality comes along its something known as 'caretaking' on the part of the normal-ish, insecure guy who's desperate enough to stay with her. But at that point the BPD will begin abusing, dominating and running him down - oh and she'll cheat as well.

At this point you're either lying, or you're in denial. Why would you want her to message you? Yet not want to get back with her? Do you want her to apologise? Make amends? You need to ask yourself why you want this, then deal with that. Are you unable to deal with the fact you're alone? 4 years is a long time. That psychologist you saw, I think you should talk to him, get yourself in therapy. It'll help you to deal with what happened.

As someone who (on a much more limited scale) has been where you are. I can tell you that it's gonna take a long time to completely dispell what's happened to you. But it is very likely that it's over. She IS gone now, she is with someone else. He's gonna go through hell just like you did. I can tell that you're young, probably in late teens - early 20s. This isn't the end of the world, what you had was a dysfunctional relationship, and you're truly, honestly better off without it. You're gonna be depressed, and want closure... but look, closure simply doesn't come from BPDs, even if they do apologise its a lie - they'll think YOU'RE CRAZY, and so only be saying it to appease you. If you had contact with her, you'd be left there simply clicking like on her pictures, hoping one day she realises the error of her ways. f*** em, they're not worth it brother. Is she happy? yes... .FOR NOW!

It just seems like this is some kind of sick joke.  Or all Faked just from idolizing or i dont even know.  The guy is unware that Shes BPD.  And even if she showed signs (which she wont. I didnt realize until 4 years).  He prolly is obsessed enough that he wont care being as innocent as he is :P

He's probably picked up the same red flags that you did. But they put you in a state of frenzy, you're depressed, can't see whats going on, you wanna help and you feel bad for getting angry, and they're there telling you you're losing it... its horrible. I'm gonna PM you some links to give you a different... more manly perspective here bro.

Thank you for the response.  I thought I'd comment on some of the things stated above just for a good back and forth.  Yes I am deeply hurt.  Here's what I think...

I don't think she really likes this guy at all.  Because for all 4 years that she's known me... she's made fun of people like him.    She doesnt play sports, she HATES sports, HATES football, doesnt even know how to play football (LITERALLY).  She thinks disneys for petophiles (QUOTED), and she HATES country music.  But now shes listening to country music and acting like she knows how to play football which is so funny to be honest.  They have NOTHING in common.  She has 0 friends... so I believe she's only doing this for approval of others, because she's done it SEVERAL times before with other boys... and even girls just for being their friends.  She'll copy other girls styles (even girls she meets online and she'll stalk them for hours a day).  And she'll usually argue to me about how "She finally has friends".  She'll go out and buy 70 dollar wigs that are pink and blue just to copy their style... and gain approval from these fake friends.

Thats why I don't think she really likes this boy :P.  I also don't think she likes him because everytime she comes back to me, she'll give me the SAME symptoms she's giving this boy.  She'll idolize me almost in an inappropriate way, which is very bizarre.  She'll obsess over my favorite music even though she doesnt really care about my favorite bands.  And she'll talk for hours about everything I like.  One time she watched 100 of my Videos on Youtube that I favorited... IN ORDER, and asked why i favorited each one.  Thats how clingy she was.


I also don't think she's gone.  I say that because, like i said, she's done this before... SEVERAL times.  At least 6-7 times.  And she usually gets into a fake relationship with someone as to not be alone.

The items she has of mine, She 100% knows their mine, because They have my name on them or theyre very unique things like... a 5 foot body pillow I sewed by hand of a giant wolf.  Or an oversized shirt from the State I moved from before I met her (Texas).

As for the part where I do want her to message me back... Well I do want her to message me back.  Not to get her back.  But I'm just so furious that anyone telling me "just move on", can get the hell back (Im not a rude person x_x I'm just super stressed at the moment)  Because I want this girl to KNOW what she did wrong... and to realize that she needs total help and to KNOW what she lost.  I want her to get help.

[christoff522]

Thank you for the response.  I thought I'd comment on some of the things stated above just for a good back and forth.  Yes I am deeply hurt.  Here's what I think...

I don't think she really likes this guy at all.  Because for all 4 years that she's known me... she's made fun of people like him.    She doesnt play sports, she HATES sports, HATES football, doesnt even know how to play football (LITERALLY).  She thinks disneys for petophiles (QUOTED), and she HATES country music.  But now shes listening to country music and acting like she knows how to play football which is so funny to be honest.  They have NOTHING in common.  She has 0 friends... so I believe she's only doing this for approval of others, because she's done it SEVERAL times before with other boys... and even girls just for being their friends.  She'll copy other girls styles (even girls she meets online and she'll stalk them for hours a day).  And she'll usually argue to me about how "She finally has friends".  She'll go out and buy 70 dollar wigs that are pink and blue just to copy their style... and gain approval from these fake friends.

Thats why I don't think she really likes this boy :P.  I also don't think she likes him because everytime she comes back to me, she'll give me the SAME symptoms she's giving this boy.  She'll idolize me almost in an inappropriate way, which is very bizarre.  She'll obsess over my favorite music even though she doesnt really care about my favorite bands.  And she'll talk for hours about everything I like.  One time she watched 100 of my Videos on Youtube that I favorited... IN ORDER, and asked why i favorited each one.  Thats how clingy she was.


I also don't think she's gone.  I say that because, like i said, she's done this before... SEVERAL times.  At least 6-7 times.  And she usually gets into a fake relationship with someone as to not be alone.

The items she has of mine, She 100% knows their mine, because They have my name on them or theyre very unique things like... a 5 foot body pillow I sewed by hand of a giant wolf.  Or an oversized shirt from the State I moved from before I met her (Texas).

As for the part where I do want her to message me back... Well I do want her to message me back.  Not to get her back.  But I'm just so furious that anyone telling me "just move on", can get the hell back (Im not a rude person x_x I'm just super stressed at the moment)  Because I want this girl to KNOW what she did wrong... and to realize that she needs total help and to KNOW what she lost.  I want her to get help.

Okay I don't want to be mean, but you sound like a total AFC. Why are you standing for this? She's left you and gone off with someone else. Yet you're idolizing HER, so what if she's clingy? so what if she watched 100 of your videos and asked you about each one? You obviously want to get her back otherwise you wouldn't be here on this forum trying to rationalize why she's behaving like she is. You're behaving like a woman. She's left you for someone else, and is talking about how hot he is, and you're talking about her idolizing you and trying to find symbolic meaning in her wearing your bag. Now you're willing to stand up to me, yet you're not willing to let your balls drop and stand up to your own weakness.

So when she calls one day cos she's a bit lonely and says to you "please take me back, i was wrong", you're going to say no?

Then tell me sir, why are you on the staying board if you don't want her back?

[Algae]

Thank you for the response.  I thought I'd comment on some of the things stated above just for a good back and forth.  Yes I am deeply hurt.  Here's what I think...

I don't think she really likes this guy at all.  Because for all 4 years that she's known me... she's made fun of people like him.    She doesnt play sports, she HATES sports, HATES football, doesnt even know how to play football (LITERALLY).  She thinks disneys for petophiles (QUOTED), and she HATES country music.  But now shes listening to country music and acting like she knows how to play football which is so funny to be honest.  They have NOTHING in common.  She has 0 friends... so I believe she's only doing this for approval of others, because she's done it SEVERAL times before with other boys... and even girls just for being their friends.  She'll copy other girls styles (even girls she meets online and she'll stalk them for hours a day).  And she'll usually argue to me about how "She finally has friends".  She'll go out and buy 70 dollar wigs that are pink and blue just to copy their style... and gain approval from these fake friends.

Thats why I don't think she really likes this boy :P.  I also don't think she likes him because everytime she comes back to me, she'll give me the SAME symptoms she's giving this boy.  She'll idolize me almost in an inappropriate way, which is very bizarre.  She'll obsess over my favorite music even though she doesnt really care about my favorite bands.  And she'll talk for hours about everything I like.  One time she watched 100 of my Videos on Youtube that I favorited... IN ORDER, and asked why i favorited each one.  Thats how clingy she was.


I also don't think she's gone.  I say that because, like i said, she's done this before... SEVERAL times.  At least 6-7 times.  And she usually gets into a fake relationship with someone as to not be alone.

The items she has of mine, She 100% knows their mine, because They have my name on them or theyre very unique things like... a 5 foot body pillow I sewed by hand of a giant wolf.  Or an oversized shirt from the State I moved from before I met her (Texas).

As for the part where I do want her to message me back... Well I do want her to message me back.  Not to get her back.  But I'm just so furious that anyone telling me "just move on", can get the hell back (Im not a rude person x_x I'm just super stressed at the moment)  Because I want this girl to KNOW what she did wrong... and to realize that she needs total help and to KNOW what she lost.  I want her to get help.

Okay I don't want to be mean, but you sound like a total AFC. Why are you standing for this? She's left you and gone off with someone else. Yet you're idolizing HER, so what if she's clingy? so what if she watched 100 of your videos and asked you about each one? You obviously want to get her back otherwise you wouldn't be here on this forum trying to rationalize why she's behaving like she is. You're behaving like a woman. She's left you for someone else, and is talking about how hot he is, and you're talking about her idolizing you and trying to find symbolic meaning in her wearing your bag. Now you're willing to stand up to me, yet you're not willing to let your balls drop and stand up to your own weakness.

So when she calls one day cos she's a bit lonely and says to you "please take me back, i was wrong", you're going to say no?

Then tell me sir, why are you on the staying board if you don't want her back?

Yes.  I am going to say no.  In fact I'm going to say a lot of things along with no.  In fact, if she was a guy, I'd punch her in the damn face once she calls me asking for forgiveness and laugh at her, but hitting girls isn't good so, I won't do that ofc.    And Idc if she was clingy or not, I'm just giving examples on how she idolized me, then idolized others, and why I think its fake.

So I'm on the forums to see if this is some sick joke, and for support to see if she whats really goin on through her head o.e, because Ofc I'm hurt, why the hell wouldnt I be?  Just because I feel angry as hell doesnt mean I'm going to take her back.  Just because I'm on the forums doesnt mean I want her back o.e.  As deep as people have seen what BPD can mean and develop into with habits, then Yes, there can be symbolic representations to reasons they carry a bag.  In fact I have a few articles on WHY they do it :P.

And just because I'm just like everyone else saying, "Okay, you win, you left me in the dust, I'll go now and move on... boo hoo"  Doesnt mean I don't have balls.  Not everyone who wants a message back wants to re-initiate a relationship.  In fact, just walking away in my opinion is more of a weakness then standing up and saying, "No ___ this.  Youre a b___ and you need to know it."

But I digress.  That isn't the reason why I'm here ofc.  It's to see to gain a sort of self closure onto why she preformed this action, and if its BPD related and what BPD and if her new relationship is even real or even if Mine was real.

[Ceruleanblue]

Cristoff, or anyone, what is an AFC? I'm stumped on that one.

OP, you are not going to get the clarity from this girl that you are looking for. The best you can do is move on, and do lots of reading on here, and do work on yourself so you never find or accept this from anyone else again.

Maybe you'd benefit from some therapy yourself? It really has helped me, and reminded me of my core beliefs. The less you obsess about this girl, and the why of it, and how wrong and unfair it is, the worse off you are going to be.

And Cristoff is exactly right, is all he says. Yeah, she is happy with this other guy, for now. And yeah, she likely will do the exact same thing with this guy, but there is nothing you can do about that. It's a cycle. BPD effects interpersonal relationships, it isn't going to happen to just you, it's going to happen to some degree with every person she gets really close to.

I know it's hard to stop obsessing, I have OCD, so I know how hard it is, but trust me, in this matter it just makes things worse. It's just chasing your tail. Just try to stop, and work on feeling better, and learning from this.

[christoff522]

Yes.  I am going to say no.  In fact I'm going to say a lot of things along with no.  In fact, if she was a guy, I'd punch her in the damn face once she calls me asking for forgiveness and laugh at her, but hitting girls isn't good so, I won't do that ofc.    And Idc if she was clingy or not, I'm just giving examples on how she idolized me, then idolized others, and why I think its fake.

But is that the manly thing to do? The reason she acts this way is because she's crazy. The first thing you should do is get away from her, not be begging for messages and sitting there waiting for her to text. Look, we've all been where you are man, I have... this is why I'm telling you what I'm telling you. Of course it's fake. But remember first that she's a woman, and a pretty messed up one at that. But you need to get deleting, delete her number, block her on facebook. Become a ghost.

So I'm on the forums to see if this is some sick joke, and for support to see if she whats really goin on through her head o.e, because Ofc I'm hurt, why the hell wouldnt I be?  Just because I feel angry as hell doesnt mean I'm going to take her back.  Just because I'm on the forums doesnt mean I want her back o.e.  As deep as people have seen what BPD can mean and develop into with habits, then Yes, there can be symbolic representations to reasons they carry a bag.  In fact I have a few articles on WHY they do it :P.

Well, what do you really want out of this? What you're going to get from 'some' on this forum is the cold hard truth, because thats what we all need. Hence my PM to you. You feel angry because your false image of her has fallen. BPD's are great at presenting a false persona, when that mask falls then you get upset. You need to be looking to yourself for fulfillment, and happiness and no one else. Are you growing when you're looking for meaning? Are you becoming a true self-realised, self-fulfilled man? Could you run a household, be the dominant male of the family, raise kids? Could you start a relationship with a girl and have a fulfilling relationship and not be a whiny control freak? You see, you're asking the wrong questions. You're hanging on subconsciously because you WANT to continue the relationship. You need to admit this to yourself. You even said before that she 'always comes back' and 'this has happened before'

And just because I'm just like everyone else saying, "Okay, you win, you left me in the dust, I'll go now and move on... boo hoo"  Doesnt mean I don't have balls.  Not everyone who wants a message back wants to re-initiate a relationship.  In fact, just walking away in my opinion is more of a weakness then standing up and saying, "No ___ this.  Youre a b___ and you need to know it."

What did she win? Also its not walking away, its GROWING beyond her. Where she doesn't get to you. Where you can sit there with her on the phone with her telling you how awesome her life is and how she has lovebites on her neck from her new AFC and LAUGH and then cut the call short and not speak to her and not even think about her and not care because you know you don't need her. Which right now, although you don't admit it - you need her.

But I digress.  That isn't the reason why I'm here ofc.  It's to see to gain a sort of self closure onto why she preformed this action, and if its BPD related and what BPD and if her new relationship is even real or even if Mine was real.

Yes, I'm telling you how to get closure, first thing to do is call time, go no contact. Look man, its not about punishing her, its not about getting revenge or calling her names. It's about giving you the opportunity to deal with whats happened. You're angry I'm sure, and you're thinking to yourself that she's probably gonna contact you, and you don't want to cut communication in case you cut off her ability to call you. This is the weak little child in you all scared of being alone. But until you can be happy being alone, you'll never be happy in another relationship. Right now you must take time (by yourself) to get her out of your system. You should also hit the leaving thread and start posting your story, every gory detail. No one will judge you. You should also start reading the stuff I sent you in the private message. I'm not here to upset you, I'm here to give you a perspective you're not really capable of seeing. You've been castrated, suffering oneitis, and moping over someone who if you were of a sound mind and were 'alpha' wouldn't even give the time of day. You need to be the best YOU that YOU can be.

[christoff522]

Cristoff, or anyone, what is an AFC? I'm stumped on that one.

AFC means "Average frustrated chump", it means someone who is easily controlled and dominated by women, someone unable to think for himself and cannot sustain a real relationship, every man who is in a BPD relationship has some level of this poor, feminist crap thinking. They're 'nice guys', placaters.

OP, you are not going to get the clarity from this girl that you are looking for. The best you can do is move on, and do lots of reading on here, and do work on yourself so you never find or accept this from anyone else again.

The only way he will do this is by cutting off the thinking that lead to this situation. Its about making your Operating system incompatible with her programming, updating your antivirus software.

Maybe you'd benefit from some therapy yourself? It really has helped me, and reminded me of my core beliefs. The less you obsess about this girl, and the why of it, and how wrong and unfair it is, the worse off you are going to be.

I think some sort of counselling might be necessary. Theres gonna be some serious emptiness. I would suggest finding a good solid MALE counsellor, someone not given to freudian thinking, someone who can just listen and give good advice. Perhaps a better option would be a father figure, someone you trust. Then getting out with friends, doing activities that you probably didn't do when you were with her. Find something you love and DO IT. Also seeing this as an opportunity of growth is vital.

And Christoff is exactly right, is all he says. Yeah, she is happy with this other guy, for now. And yeah, she likely will do the exact same thing with this guy, but there is nothing you can do about that. It's a cycle. BPD effects interpersonal relationships, it isn't going to happen to just you, it's going to happen to some degree with every person she gets really close to.

The quicker that you can forget about what SHES doing, the better. It'll take time, but you need to see her as irrelevant and unimportant, because she is. She's an empty vessel. The focus MUST be on YOU. You've gotta live with yourself all your life, you don't have to live with her, she's nothing, she's a blip on your radar. You probably have fears of scarcity, thinking you may never be with - or be happy with - anyone else. This is AFCness, and it's a lie, and as you become a truly realised man, zen-like in your thinking, going with the flow... you'll look back and you will say "thank you" to her. You won't call her a b___, or hate her... you'll be glad she was in your life because your life is so much BETTER. She will still be where she is today, cold, dead, self-hating, man-abusing.

I know it's hard to stop obsessing, I have OCD, so I know how hard it is, but trust me, in this matter it just makes things worse. It's just chasing your tail. Just try to stop, and work on feeling better, and learning from this.

Yes thats what you're doing, chasing your tail. Algae, I'm gonna follow your story, and do my best to advise you in this.

[walksoftly]

Replacements... .ahhhhh, how they haunt us; we compare ourselves to them not only because, in my case, he was in a relationship with her while she was married to me but becuase she told me how wonderful he was and how he was great in bed... .wow. The replacement is going through his third messy divorce ... .Nice one!  I find that it takes time for the anger to leave as we feel we have been duped... .it sucks! But we grow... they dont. Poor sucker is all I can say-

[Algae]

Yes.  I am going to say no.  In fact I'm going to say a lot of things along with no.  In fact, if she was a guy, I'd punch her in the damn face once she calls me asking for forgiveness and laugh at her, but hitting girls isn't good so, I won't do that ofc.    And Idc if she was clingy or not, I'm just giving examples on how she idolized me, then idolized others, and why I think its fake.

But is that the manly thing to do? The reason she acts this way is because she's crazy. The first thing you should do is get away from her, not be begging for messages and sitting there waiting for her to text. Look, we've all been where you are man, I have... this is why I'm telling you what I'm telling you. Of course it's fake. But remember first that she's a woman, and a pretty messed up one at that. But you need to get deleting, delete her number, block her on facebook. Become a ghost.

So I'm on the forums to see if this is some sick joke, and for support to see if she whats really goin on through her head o.e, because Ofc I'm hurt, why the hell wouldnt I be?  Just because I feel angry as hell doesnt mean I'm going to take her back.  Just because I'm on the forums doesnt mean I want her back o.e.  As deep as people have seen what BPD can mean and develop into with habits, then Yes, there can be symbolic representations to reasons they carry a bag.  In fact I have a few articles on WHY they do it :P.

Well, what do you really want out of this? What you're going to get from 'some' on this forum is the cold hard truth, because thats what we all need. Hence my PM to you. You feel angry because your false image of her has fallen. BPD's are great at presenting a false persona, when that mask falls then you get upset. You need to be looking to yourself for fulfillment, and happiness and no one else. Are you growing when you're looking for meaning? Are you becoming a true self-realised, self-fulfilled man? Could you run a household, be the dominant male of the family, raise kids? Could you start a relationship with a girl and have a fulfilling relationship and not be a whiny control freak? You see, you're asking the wrong questions. You're hanging on subconsciously because you WANT to continue the relationship. You need to admit this to yourself. You even said before that she 'always comes back' and 'this has happened before'

And just because I'm just like everyone else saying, "Okay, you win, you left me in the dust, I'll go now and move on... boo hoo"  Doesnt mean I don't have balls.  Not everyone who wants a message back wants to re-initiate a relationship.  In fact, just walking away in my opinion is more of a weakness then standing up and saying, "No ___ this.  Youre a b___ and you need to know it."

What did she win? Also its not walking away, its GROWING beyond her. Where she doesn't get to you. Where you can sit there with her on the phone with her telling you how awesome her life is and how she has lovebites on her neck from her new AFC and LAUGH and then cut the call short and not speak to her and not even think about her and not care because you know you don't need her. Which right now, although you don't admit it - you need her.

But I digress.  That isn't the reason why I'm here ofc.  It's to see to gain a sort of self closure onto why she preformed this action, and if its BPD related and what BPD and if her new relationship is even real or even if Mine was real.

Yes, I'm telling you how to get closure, first thing to do is call time, go no contact. Look man, its not about punishing her, its not about getting revenge or calling her names. It's about giving you the opportunity to deal with whats happened. You're angry I'm sure, and you're thinking to yourself that she's probably gonna contact you, and you don't want to cut communication in case you cut off her ability to call you. This is the weak little child in you all scared of being alone. But until you can be happy being alone, you'll never be happy in another relationship. Right now you must take time (by yourself) to get her out of your system. You should also hit the leaving thread and start posting your story, every gory detail. No one will judge you. You should also start reading the stuff I sent you in the private message. I'm not here to upset you, I'm here to give you a perspective you're not really capable of seeing. You've been castrated, suffering oneitis, and moping over someone who if you were of a sound mind and were 'alpha' wouldn't even give the time of day. You need to be the best YOU that YOU can be.

Well... I guess that does make sense .-.    .

Well, if she does contact, I suppose I'll post here first instead of initiating contact.  As of right now i am NC.

Here's my story of the recent breakup Im sure youve, since you said you wanted to follow my story.  It doesn't follow the last 4 years or last 6-7 splits but its just about the most recent one.  However the last 6-7 splits are pretty much identical.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=232857.0

Thx for the post, sorry for blowing up.  I'm just beyond frustrated at this girl and have no idea what to think really.

[christoff522]

Well... I guess that does make sense .-.    .

Well, if she does contact, I suppose I'll post here first instead of initiating contact.  As of right now i am NC.

Here's my story of the recent breakup Im sure youve, since you said you wanted to follow my story.  It doesn't follow the last 4 years or last 6-7 splits but its just about the most recent one.  However the last 6-7 splits are pretty much identical.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=232857.0

Thx for the post, sorry for blowing up.  I'm just beyond frustrated at this girl and have no idea what to think really.

First things first, don't worry about being angry. 4 years of this will do that to you. Now, you're 23 years of age, she's 19. My BPD is a little younger than that. First thing is, they'll want to 'live' and 'enjoy life'. They'll see you as hooking them down. You're daddy/mummy to them, I noticed the mention of a bad relationship with her mother  - thats pretty typical of BPDs.

From what I'm reading it's pretty obvious that you're in a real fix here. No Contact means BLOCK HER ON EVERYTHING, DO NOT KEEP HER NUMBER. Break every avenue of communication, so that the only way she could conceivably contact you is to knock on your front door.

Now, I know you say you're not a WhiteKnight (Captain save a'ho), but if you can cut off contact, and get to the true man within you, you will see that at your core you are!

Forget saving her, helping her, appealing to her woman's logic. Think about helping yourself. My friend, in a year you'll be a totally different person, and you'll look back on this as something that led to you become a better, healthier, happier man. Cos this is no way for you to live now is it.

Now, first thing for you to do, make this your task for this week of No Contact.

Try something new, something you'd like to do but haven't ever done. It doesn't have to be extreme. Maybe visit some place with friends, or buy a new sweater, or visit a night club. Just do something FOR YOU. ONE new thing. Make it your weeks mission. Decide it, then do it. FOR YOU.

[Algae]

Well... I guess that does make sense .-.    .

Well, if she does contact, I suppose I'll post here first instead of initiating contact.  As of right now i am NC.

Here's my story of the recent breakup Im sure youve, since you said you wanted to follow my story.  It doesn't follow the last 4 years or last 6-7 splits but its just about the most recent one.  However the last 6-7 splits are pretty much identical.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=232857.0

Thx for the post, sorry for blowing up.  I'm just beyond frustrated at this girl and have no idea what to think really.

First things first, don't worry about being angry. 4 years of this will do that to you. Now, you're 23 years of age, she's 19. My BPD is a little younger than that. First thing is, they'll want to 'live' and 'enjoy life'. They'll see you as hooking them down. You're daddy/mummy to them, I noticed the mention of a bad relationship with her mother  - thats pretty typical of BPDs.

From what I'm reading it's pretty obvious that you're in a real fix here. No Contact means BLOCK HER ON EVERYTHING, DO NOT KEEP HER NUMBER. Break every avenue of communication, so that the only way she could conceivably contact you is to knock on your front door.

Now, I know you say you're not a WhiteKnight (Captain save a'ho), but if you can cut off contact, and get to the true man within you, you will see that at your core you are!

Forget saving her, helping her, appealing to her woman's logic. Think about helping yourself. My friend, in a year you'll be a totally different person, and you'll look back on this as something that led to you become a better, healthier, happier man. Cos this is no way for you to live now is it.

Now, first thing for you to do, make this your task for this week of No Contact.

Try something new, something you'd like to do but haven't ever done. It doesn't have to be extreme. Maybe visit some place with friends, or buy a new sweater, or visit a night club. Just do something FOR YOU. ONE new thing. Make it your weeks mission. Decide it, then do it. FOR YOU.

True... I do see myself as the 'parent' to them.  I Don't wanna be seen like that but I'm usually the mature one whos saying life goals and college etc.  And everytime she splits, she usually ends up going to go have fun and etc.  She even told me, "I CANT USE SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE U WONT LET ME" before she split... which was a lie.  Deciding not to use Social media was HER idea because she was addicted.  I said I didn't care.

Another thing I notice is that I am NC'ing her right now.  But I DO know she stalks my IG.  I DO know she looks my accounts up and tries to see what I'm doing.  In the past she'll usually post immature teenage quotes like, "You wrote your name on my heart in ink, but only let me write my name on yours with pencil"  And I laugh at how cheesy they are.  Then she'll post things like, "My 'walk past you like you never existed game', is too strong ".  Almost like She thinks I'm a bad guy?  I know I'm going NC but why does she just think I'm a pathetic Bad guy who hurt her in everyway when I actually provided for her in everyway and took care of her financially to emotionally (one time I even had her favorite Band SKYPE her becasue I met them backstage and they made youtube videos JUST FOR HER and dedicated a concert just for her because she was sucidal and it made her cry).

But why am I all a sudden labeled as bad as a cheater would be labeled? 

[Chasing_Ghosts]

"You wrote your name on my heart in ink, but only let me write my name on yours with pencil" 

First off... LMAO is she forreal though? xD I died too when i read this so i can see why you would laugh! Reminds me of something id write when i was an angsty "emo" teen... had the long black swoop and all.

Continuing on...

Almost like She thinks I'm a bad guy? 

But why am I all a sudden labeled as bad as a cheater would be labeled? 

She doesnt THINK youre the bad guy. In her eyes YOU ARE. Think of yourself like Lucifer in the bible. Once a perfect heavenly being(white) residing in paradise (idealization/honeymoon phase) who betrayed his master (God but in this inference this is youre ex represented as BPDs take almost the place of such in our lives... ) then is cast down into hell(devaluation) and made into the devil himself.(black)

You would be put to the standard of a cheater in her eyes because through splitting she paints you black. This is the only way she can cope with heinous acts she has committed against you. She has to be all good or she would simply not be able to function with the guilt and shame she feels in facing the consequences of her actions. Much like a child does. They are essentially children developmentally in the fragile psyche that encompasses their BPD.   

[Algae]

"You wrote your name on my heart in ink, but only let me write my name on yours with pencil" 

First off... LMAO is she forreal though? xD I died too when i read this so i can see why you would laugh! Reminds me of something id write when i was an angsty "emo" teen... had the long black swoop and all.

Continuing on...

Almost like She thinks I'm a bad guy? 

But why am I all a sudden labeled as bad as a cheater would be labeled? 

She doesnt THINK youre the bad guy. In her eyes YOU ARE. Think of yourself like Lucifer in the bible. Once a perfect heavenly being(white) residing in paradise (idealization/honeymoon phase) who betrayed his master (God but in this inference this is youre ex represented as BPDs take almost the place of such in our lives... ) then is cast down into hell(devaluation) and made into the devil himself.(black)

You would be put to the standard of a cheater in her eyes because through splitting she paints you black. This is the only way she can cope with heinous acts she has committed against you. She has to be all good or she would simply not be able to function with the guilt and shame she feels in facing the consequences of her actions. Much like a child does. They are essentially children developmentally in the fragile psyche that encompasses their BPD.   

Thank you for your reply <3. 

And yeah shes tries to fit in with that emo scene just to make friends so her quotes are pretty funny xD.  Like her most recent one I read yesterday was, "Over suffocation can lead to absense."  I WANTED to break NC just to laugh at her and say, "THERES NO SUCH THING AS OVER SUFFOCATION... ONCE YOURE SUFFOCATED YOURE ALREADY DEAD HAHA"

But again. thats really mean, and I would never do that.  The anger I feel and im expressing now is just from what she's done over the past couple weeks.

I STILL... .STILL don't understand though.   Even though I've read it in articles 100x.  I STILL don't understand how she can sit at her house RIGHT NOW... Text some other guy, and think of me and say to herself, "Wow Chris (me) is totally the bad guy who betrayed me and did so many bad things"

When in reality I did nothing!

Like what could she possibly be saying to herself that I even did that was bad?

[Chasing_Ghosts]

And yeah shes tries to fit in with that emo scene just to make friends so her quotes are pretty funny xD.  Like her most recent one I read yesterday was, "Over suffocation can lead to absense."  I WANTED to break NC just to laugh at her and say, "THERES NO SUCH THING AS OVER SUFFOCATION... ONCE YOURE SUFFOCATED YOURE ALREADY DEAD HAHA"

Yeah i totally feel you on that. Its crazy how much of your ex i see in mine. Shed say something just like that... haha When we first met(she worked at Hot Topic) my ex was a total "scene" girl.(was a scene model for perfection dolls a myspace group back in the day) Though as soon as she met me she was a "hippie" and wanted a tattoo sleeve.(just started mine) She got hers on the same arm and everything. She got a dread(i have a full head) and demanded i buy her pendant after buying one at a festival. i have my friends make her a hemp necklace like mine too... (Which she wore all the time until we split... then recycle and bam its back on!) Needless to say one of my good friends met her. Confided in me later that she was a total scene girl posing(she had tie die top on) and that she wasnt fooling anyone. I dont mean to be judgmental but theyll do anything to feel accepted... and REAL people can see through that.

I STILL... .STILL don't understand though.   Even though I've read it in articles 100x.  I STILL don't understand how she can sit at her house RIGHT NOW... Text some other guy, and think of me and say to herself, "Wow Chris (me) is totally the bad guy who betrayed me and did so many bad things"

When in reality I did nothing!

Like what could she possibly be saying to herself that I even did that was bad?

"And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche

You cant make sense of her dark she is truly an abyss and with it she will make up infinite insurmountable ideas that make no sense to anyone but her. If you try to figure this out too long the crazy will rub off onto you making you in turn on the brink of sanity just like her.(Trust me ive been there its not a fun place to be.)

I know its hard but just accept it.(I still question it too) Im not saying itll happen right away. Its only human to chase the answers sought after in life. But what you seek you may never truly find. Take steps forward and even if you back track as long as you stay on path you will eventually reach your ultimate destination of healing. But truly acceptance is peace in this situation.

Hang in there mate. If you need anything or just want to talk feel free to pm me. 

[Algae]

And yeah shes tries to fit in with that emo scene just to make friends so her quotes are pretty funny xD.  Like her most recent one I read yesterday was, "Over suffocation can lead to absense."  I WANTED to break NC just to laugh at her and say, "THERES NO SUCH THING AS OVER SUFFOCATION... ONCE YOURE SUFFOCATED YOURE ALREADY DEAD HAHA"

Yeah i totally feel you on that. Its crazy how much of your ex i see in mine. Shed say something just like that... haha When we first met(she worked at Hot Topic) my ex was a total "scene" girl.(was a scene model for perfection dolls a myspace group back in the day) Though as soon as she met me she was a "hippie" and wanted a tattoo sleeve.(just started mine) She got hers on the same arm and everything. She got a dread(i have a full head) and demanded i buy her pendant after buying one at a festival. i have my friends make her a hemp necklace like mine too... (Which she wore all the time until we split... then recycle and bam its back on!) Needless to say one of my good friends met her. Confided in me later that she was a total scene girl posing(she had tie die top on) and that she wasnt fooling anyone. I dont mean to be judgmental but theyll do anything to feel accepted... and REAL people can see through that.

I STILL... .STILL don't understand though.   Even though I've read it in articles 100x.  I STILL don't understand how she can sit at her house RIGHT NOW... Text some other guy, and think of me and say to herself, "Wow Chris (me) is totally the bad guy who betrayed me and did so many bad things"

When in reality I did nothing!

Like what could she possibly be saying to herself that I even did that was bad?

"And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche

You cant make sense of her dark she is truly an abyss and with it she will make up infinite insurmountable ideas that make no sense to anyone but her. If you try to figure this out too long the crazy will rub off onto you making you in turn on the brink of sanity just like her.(Trust me ive been there its not a fun place to be.)

I know its hard but just accept it.(I still question it too) Im not saying itll happen right away. Its only human to chase the answers sought after in life. But what you seek you may never truly find. Take steps forward and even if you back track as long as you stay on path you will eventually reach your ultimate destination of healing. But truly acceptance is peace in this situation.

Hang in there mate. If you need anything or just want to talk feel free to pm me.  

I just have to comment on your first paragraph and about them feeling accepted and doing anything.  ITS SO TRUE OMFG.

Ok ok... here's what my ex used to do.  I'm huge into music and going to concerts, so my ex would act like she knows all the bands and start listening to them.  Then she got HUGE into instagram.  Each like she got from a photo made her feel accepted since she had 0 friends and literally did nothing all day except sit on the computer.

She stared Idolizing scene girls and pastelgoth models on instagram and copying their style.  So she'd go online and buy Pink wigs/Bluewigs/ Red wigs... Whatever she thought punk was or scene girls did.  And she'd post in pictures with her hand up to her mouth and 1000 filters.  She just did it to be accepted but it basically ended up with her flirting with loads of guys online.  She's SO FAKE its laughable, but I never called her fake because I loved her.  But now Its just... .its just too much fake.  She even was talking about a tattoo on her back that she wanted, and she drew it out for me to see... and it was just a basic generic Moon Phases tattoo. 

I mean I remember one time she used to watch this show on MTV called 'Awkward', and she liked the main character so much that she dyed her hair the same color, Got the same haircut, and even googled her clothes style.  And each time she took a picture of herself she would try to make the characters face.

Basically she would jump around idolizing whatever she thought would make her get friends.

[christoff522]

oops double post

[christoff522]

True... I do see myself as the 'parent' to them.  I Don't wanna be seen like that but I'm usually the mature one whos saying life goals and college etc.  And everytime she splits, she usually ends up going to go have fun and etc.  She even told me, "I CANT USE SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE U WONT LET ME" before she split... which was a lie.  :)eciding not to use Social media was HER idea because she was addicted.  I said I didn't care.

What you're describing here is typical. BPDs want us to parent them. BPDs see their partners as control freaks, I cannot state how many times I was told I was controlling, and that she just 'needed to enjoy her life'. Notice how she says "u wont let me", well if it was so bad why didn't she just finish it there and then? She's gaslighting right there, causing you to lose your centre and perspective and feel guilt and shame. I'm glad you're not questioning yourself there.

Another thing I notice is that I am NC'ing her right now.  But I DO know she stalks my IG.  I DO know she looks my accounts up and tries to see what I'm doing.  In the past she'll usually post immature teenage quotes like, "You wrote your name on my heart in ink, but only let me write my name on yours with pencil"  And I laugh at how cheesy they are.  Then she'll post things like, "My 'walk past you like you never existed game', is too strong ".  Almost like She thinks I'm a bad guy?  I know I'm going NC but why does she just think I'm a pathetic Bad guy who hurt her in everyway when I actually provided for her in everyway and took care of her financially to emotionally (one time I even had her favorite Band SKYPE her becasue I met them backstage and they made youtube videos JUST FOR HER and dedicated a concert just for her because she was sucidal and it made her cry).

Now you say you're NC'ing her 'right now'. Maybe you're taking it a day at a time or something. But NC is about YOU getting over her. You need - yes, need - to resolve to it being over. I know you say it is, but I'm saying you need to make a pact with yourself that its OVER FOREVER. That you'll never take her back. Then stop questioning every little thing. It's a man thing to do, to logically assess, but the hamster wheel will keep running until one day it dies of exhaustion. Quit it. All you need to know is that she thinks that so she doesn't have to blame herself, she's emotionally immature, and she always will be. Imagine having kids with this nut. You'd end up on the news or on death row or something.

But why am I all a sudden labeled as bad as a cheater would be labeled?  

This is painting you black, its her way of blaming everything on you, calling you every name under the sun and getting off scot free, If I was you I'd be pretty zen about it. The more you waste your emotions and time on her, the more she feeds on it. At this point it will simply get worse. She expects you to wait around for her... why do it? Shes doing everything with the new guy. Think of those biblical terms for a woman like this, realise thats basically the situation you're in. Get out.