Sixth Sense ...

[Narellan]

Wow... .This question topic has been raised before, but tonight it feels freakishly accurate. I have been NC with my exBPD for almost 7 months, and apart from an occasional attempt from him to connect every couple of months all has been quiet. He sent me a facebook friend request 2 weeks ago which i ignored.

Tonight i feel particularly down and bam his name pops up several times on my phone. Facebook notifications. He is commenting on a mutual friends photos from New Years Eve 2012 that i was tagged in. So i get notifications. He is wanting a reaction but wont see one from me even though my body has gone into anxiety mode.

The reason i havent blocked him on facebook is because i believe it will escalate his already unpredictable behaviour.

But i am stunned that the times he reaches out are always times when i feel particulary vulnerable.

Just like he can sense it... .very weird.

[merlin4926]

I agree it's uncanny how they contact at strange times - for me it's always when I am finally doing a bit better. Messes with your head but if you can stick to nc I'm sure it's for the best. 

[Infern0]

In my case I found it went both ways. I used to laugh that my ***** sense was tingling and I knew something was wrong.

That said something was always wrong .

[goldylamont]

sorry about this Narellan. if you can ignore this for a while he will stop. i can't tell you something you don't already know, that this is a test to get you to react... .in my opinion though, after 7 months i think it might be ok to block him or perhaps do so soon. i actually never blocked my ex, just unfriended her when i decided NC. funny coincidence is that it was maybe 7 months or so after this that she actually blocked me, after she started contacting me again and i ignored everything other than a short call. i think word got back to her through mutual friends that i didn't want to hear from her... .or maybe she just got angry that i stopped answering texts. just to be sure though, i double-blocked her   not in any mean spirited way, but when i actually was in contact with her, her fb page would mysteriously disappear then reappear a few days later. i would ask her and she'd say she just got tired of using it--i thought it was maybe one of her "stalkerish" bf's (this is her description, of course) she was avoiding. but now looking back i think she was blocking me intermittently because she wanted to string me along and there were other guys she was flirting with on her fb page? i dunno, it just made sense for me at this point to block her so i wouldn't have to worry about her popping up randomly when she wanted to cause a ruckus. if you stay strong, you may be rewarded by being blocked like me!   i kid. take care Narellin. get past that 12 month NC goal and keep going. facebook antics suck

[freedom33]

I was blocked too a few weeks ago when I broke up with her - I had defriended her after month 6 and kept it so for another 6 months or so during the relationship to maintain some boundaries. Fb was such a boundary breaker for her and ideal tool she used for baiting me. If I liked a picture of a female she 'd post photos of her ex - crazy ___ like that. This actually happened only for her to find out with great surprise months later that the female in question was my cousin. She never asked - she just retaliated. By the way has anything like that happened to you guys? I.e. was the pwBPD passive aggressive and vindictive like that? Mine didn't use to rage. She 'd just punish... .

Now out of the sudden she started contacting me today through whatsapp - deleted the app. Then through viber - immediately blocked her and then I saw in facebook she had unblocked me. I did block her for an hour in case she contacts me but decided to unblock her and do so only if she contact me through that. I don't want to be too aggressive and have proved myself today that I can manage these things well so feeling a lot more solid than usual. But a few weeks ago I would have blocked her for my own sake so perhaps something to consider Narellan.

By the way it's indeed uncanny merlin4926 how they contact us at our darkest hours. I am starting to think that during the merging stage we indeed became one psychically in their fairy tale / paradise fantasy. We became perferctly attuned to it and received a taste of their highest highs. When their psychic disposition became hell for them being atuned with it we went down with it. I sometimes think she literally got into my body and possessed me and then her moods became my moods. Perhaps our darkest hours are remnants of that tuning and complete coordination we had with them over a period of time and we are still synchronised to that rollercoaster albeit in a less intense way. Maybe they are at their lowest too so that's why they contact us then and because we are atuned we are synchronised like that.

[Trog]

Change your notification settings to not alert you on comments?

[merlin4926]

[quote author=freedom33 link=topic=

By the way it's indeed uncanny merlin4926 how they contact us at our darkest hours. I am starting to think that during the merging stage we indeed became one psychically in their fairy tale / paradise fantasy. We became perferctly attuned to it and received a taste of their highest highs. When their psychic disposition became hell for them being atuned with it we went down with it. I sometimes think she literally got into my body and possessed me and then her moods became my moods. Perhaps our darkest hours are remnants of that tuning and complete coordination we had with them over a period of time and we are still synchronised to that rollercoaster albeit in a less intense way. Maybe they are at their lowest too so that's why they contact us then and because we are atuned we are synchronised like that.[/quote]
Interesting idea freedom33 that could explain why they pop up in such realistic dreams.  If I dream of him I feel like we have really had those conversations v strange and unsettling

[Narellan]

Thanks guys... .I actually deactivated my fb account when we split and have only just recently reactivated it. He defriended my deactivated account Now months later hes sent a friend request ... .Funny thing with the photos though I looked at her page and Im in heaps but only tagged in those few that he commented on tonight... .Its an obvious act to get a response. Hes only posted on the ones I'll get notified on. 2 year old photos!

What Ive found is best with him is just never to react. If i block him now he will start ringing again. Or post photos of me on his website which he did to get a reaction when i wasnt on FB.

Ill definately change settings so i dont get notifications. He also commented on my profile pic 2 weeks ago, guess i cant stop that.

Just so weird. I love that comment freedom33 re her possessing your body. Theres a bit of truth there in a scary way .

Bring on 12 months NC

[freedom33]

Speaking of sixth sense - I suddenly became really really lightheaded and dizzy. Something is going on. She is on holiday by herself in a med country I am originally from. We booked it go there together a few months ago - we were supposed to fly yesterday. She went by herself apparently and started texting me incessantly in whatsapp and viber and blocked her. Oh man... .I feel really sad for her. Being all there by herself. What the hell is she doing there? And sad for me too here staying behind and trying to pick up the pieces and maintain NC. So difficult to keep strong.

[Narellan]

It still shocks me that I can feel any sort of empathy for him after the way he treated me, but I do. I understand your feelings about your ex being away on her own. My ex is away alone also. In an outback remote little town in the middle of the dessert. His choice. He couldn't have run and hidden to a more remote place. And he must be feeling isolated because this is his third attempt in 2 weeks to communicate with me. And then I feel bad/ sad for him being away and having no support network. It really tears at my heart strings. Sometimes I think it would feel easier if he just died. And then I feel guilty for thinking that. I really was starting to feel detached. The past few weeks he has only crossed my mind a couple of times a day instead of being constantly on my mind. I was starting to feel better. Feeling happy again.

It's just exhausting trying to stay NC. A constant fight between my mind and heart.

[LettingGo14]

It's just exhausting trying to stay NC. A constant fight between my mind and heart.

I agree with this sentiment.  It is hard.  But, truly, this is an internal struggle.   

Yes -- we have been conditioned for drama during our relationships, and our minds scan our environment for threats.   But, mostly, we are at war with ourselves.  Our thoughts/memories/emotions haunt us.

We can turn our attention inward -- with compassion -- and focus on how are minds are working -- without judgment.   For me, this meant just "watching" my mind work for a while, much like one could see the innards of an old wrist watch work if you removed its back.   My mind was a ping pong ball -- bouncing off triggers, reacting more violently to certain thoughts or conceptions about my ex.

Detaching, I've learned, does not mean exorcising ghosts.   It means being mindful.  It's a process where we identify our triggers, lessen their impact, and incorporate tools for self-soothing. 

Be kind to yourself, Narellen.  You want to be free, and you are doing the work to achieve it.

[Mr Hollande]

It's just exhausting trying to stay NC. A constant fight between my mind and heart.

I agree with this sentiment.  It is hard.  But, truly, this is an internal struggle.

I'll add that any alternative to NC is much harder.

[whatathing]

Yes, I believe that my uBPDexgf has some kind of sixth sense... .she did exactly that, contact me precisely when I was thinking about her, more vulnerable and nostalgic. And I almost believe that I too had some kind of telepathic connection with her, that started to fade away when we really agreed on detaching. Like we were still connected althoug far apart. I think that human affectivity is far more profound and complex than most people think. Maybe there are bodily dimensions that are associated to the intense and profound attachments that we activate with our pwPBD. Or maybe the sixth sense in them is somehow related to the disorder, as a side effect. I know this sounds esoteric, or something, but I believe there is something in this that is still undiscovered... .

[Perfidy]

This is a worthwhile topic. Some philosophy states that human beings have six senses. Humans aren't simple organisms. We are complex. We have the five senses that everyone is familiar with. All of the senses have their internal mechanisms as well as external objects. For example, the sense of sight has the eye as its internal mechanism and light as its object. The ear has the sense of sound that we know and air vibrations as its object, and so on for the other senses. The sixth sense is the mind. The object of the mind is other phenomena. We develop the five familiar senses while we pay very little attention to the mind, which results in ignorance of other phenomena. In promoting fluidity the philosophy that asserts this won't be named and hopefully this will leave the reader with an open mind.

[merlin4926]

This is really interesting. My expbd seemed to just 'know' stuff that I hadn't shared. Obviously he was incredibly perceptive but also had uncanny ability to see stuff before it happened, if I was driving he would tell me to watch out for a lorry and then seconds later it would pull out without signalling, hundreds of examples. I did feel that strange kind of connection like I'd pick my phone up and he would ring. It's def faded now

[Narellan]

It's just exhausting trying to stay NC. A constant fight between my mind and heart.

I agree with this sentiment.  It is hard.  But, truly, this is an internal struggle.  

Yes -- we have been conditioned for drama during our relationships, and our minds scan our environment for threats.   But, mostly, we are at war with ourselves.  Our thoughts/memories/emotions haunt us.

We can turn our attention inward -- with compassion -- and focus on how are minds are working -- without judgment.   For me, this meant just "watching" my mind work for a while, much like one could see the innards of an old wrist watch work if you removed its back.   My mind was a ping pong ball -- bouncing off triggers, reacting more violently to certain thoughts or conceptions about my ex. "

Yes, Thanks Lettinggo14. I have developed so much mistrust and am constantly on the lookout for threats. Its a heightened state of panic all the time.

[willy45]

Mine is the complete opposite. She reaches out when I am finally feeling great! Then I feel terrible.

[Narellan]

Thanks everyone... .it all rings true for me...

Incidentally yesterday his name disappeared from my notifications... .So I checked the photos and he'd removed his comments... .which were inappropriate sexualised comments... .

He must have have second thoughts... .or just wanted to pop up briefly in my news feed.

Was probably under the influence of weed when he posted them... .I was slightly offended by what he said... which is good. The more he shows his true colors now the better for my healing.