nitpicking and baiting ramping up again

[adventurer]

I just don't know how to deal with this stuff.  It's always something 'innocent', just little snarky comments.

I was making breakfast for us today and she got mad that we didn't have any cheese left in the refrigerator.  She said, "You didn't save me any cheese."  There had been like 2 bites sitting in there untouched for a week.  I just told her, "nope, I didn't save you any, I ate it."  Later, she was going somewhere and just sort of whined at me, "My favorite travel mug isn't clean" (I do around 95% of the dishes).  I just told her to give it a quick rinse out and then she said, "I don't have time for that.' and stormed out.

I have just been trying not to get defensive or angry at being treated like this, basically letting it wash over me so we don't have a blow out.  But I wonder if I should be addressing this behavior.  Like saying, "I understand you're bothered, but I don't like to be criticized all the time for these small things."  I don't know, it sounds so small and insignificant but it just constantly wears me down and instead responding like a normal person I'm weighing every word I speak.

[Mutt]

She's triggered and sometimes it doesn't make sense as to why. There's not enough to go by. It's emotionally draining and it's hard on the self esteem. She's triggered about something and an option is to be indifferent to her complaints. I think youre doing the right thing with letting it slide off of your back. A goal could be to be indifferent and depersonalize.

Anything you say right now is going to be met with blame, guilt. Her moods can shift several times in a day.