I've come to realize that the good person in them was really us mirrored

[Blimblam]

It perhaps the good they saw in you was really them.

[Rifka]

It perhaps the good they saw in you was really them.

I'm not really agreeing with that. I will budge and say maybe (its who they would like to be in that current relationship) they are completely somebody else in the next relationship.

Kind of like the movie, CATCH ME IF YOU CAN! Based off a true story of somebody becoming who they need to be for that time period.

That was not BPD, but some people have the ability to make believe they are something or somebody they are not!

[Rifka]

Rifka you have helped me tremendously today.  Im day 7 NC and it is painful. Ive had to process revolting and disgusting facts about my ex yet I still like a death of a loved one has happened. Your words are enlightening thank you.

[/quot


Whitey,

You're doing great! 7 days. Keep posting and reading everything you can find on this site.

I would have been lost without it and the amazing people here.


Yes the mourning is exactly like the stages of losing a loved one to death!

Keep going, try not to get pulled back in. Focus only on the bad and disgusting. It empowers you for get further along.

N/c is the only way out of this horror!

Rifka

[Rifka]

Ack, why can't I delete her messages! I'm trying to but can't. I can delete the hateful ones but not the loving ones. What does that say about me?

KC,

I remember this well. Keeping the sweet loving messages and deleting the hurtful and hateful ones. Give yourself time to grieve the loss. You will get there. Right now those messages remind you of the wonderful amazing person you are... .You will get to the point where you won't need those messages to remind you. You will see it and feel it in yourself.

Will time heal,


It sounds like you are on your way as well to the healthy finish line. You are totally correct! We just need to believe in ourselves and see that we are great! We don't need supportive messages that make us feel good from liars! We need to know it ourselves!

WE ARE GREAT AND WONDERFUL AND GAVE OUR ALL, know it in your heart! Know it in your head! Know it for yourself!

Hugs to everybody.

Rifka

[willtimeheal]

Ack, why can't I delete her messages! I'm trying to but can't. I can delete the hateful ones but not the loving ones. What does that say about me?

KC,

I remember this well. Keeping the sweet loving messages and deleting the hurtful and hateful ones. Give yourself time to grieve the loss. You will get there. Right now those messages remind you of the wonderful amazing person you are... .You will get to the point where you won't need those messages to remind you. You will see it and feel it in yourself.

Will time heal,


It sounds like you are on your way as well to the healthy finish line. You are totally correct! We just need to believe in ourselves and see that we are great! We don't need supportive messages that make us feel good from liars! We need to know it ourselves!

WE ARE GREAT AND WONDERFUL AND GAVE OUR ALL, know it in your heart! Know it in your head! Know it for yourself!

Hugs to everybody.

Rifka

Thanks Rifka,

Getting stronger and stronger everyday.

[Timbo1969]

My relationship ended very recently and I'm still very lost in everything that happened. I guess I haven't read enough on BPD to fully understand your post. My friends have told me that everything my ex did was an act. Are you saying there's nothing real in them?

[hope2727]

I really miss the original him. But if that was only me reflected I must be pretty wonderful because the man I feel in love with was wonderful. So I guess in a way we got to see what we were like. And we are great. 

[Rifka]

My relationship ended very recently and I'm still very lost in everything that happened. I guess I haven't read enough on BPD to fully understand your post. My friends have told me that everything my ex did was an act. Are you saying there's nothing real in them?

Hi Timbo,

Welcome and yes there is so much that you have to read to understand all of the confusion and questions you have running around in your mind.

Something's really never will make complete sense to you or us because we think and react very differently than a pwBPD.

Please try and read as much possible and post your story in detail so that everybody can help you.

What your ex did was mirror you. They never show who they are, they show a different persona with each new attachment they find.

When you get too close and fall in love with them, you want to get closer. When they know you have committed to them they start abusing you and sabotage the relationship so that they get away before you can abandon them. They then quickly move to the next host.

Basically, yes the person you loved was you!

Read as much as possible to heal yourself.

People are really wonderful here.

Rifka

[Rifka]

I really miss the original him. But if that was only me reflected I must be pretty wonderful because the man I feel in love with was wonderful. So I guess in a way we got to see what we were like. And we are great. 

Yes hope, we are great!

There was no original him, it was just wonderful you in the mirror.

[Loveofhislife]

PwBPD also pick up/take on/reflect back out pieces of other people they have been with in the past. So some of the good things we liked about them were really things that came from someone else. Just as the next people they're with will like things about them that came from the pwBPD being with us.

Myself and Rifka--this not only is very true but I have a rare, happy ending story. My exbfNPD cheated on me with another woman (actually there were many), but when I met his new SO, she quickly said to me, "You're the one I've loved all along." She was perceptive enough to see that the exbfNPD had assumed many of the good parts of me in their idealization phase. She dumped him after finding out he was cheating on her; she has been my bestie for the past two years and will remain so for life. She has stood beside me with unwavering support through the horrors now of exbfBPD. With Rifka's inspiration, I thought another success story was in order :-)

[thereishope]

PwBPD also pick up/take on/reflect back out pieces of other people they have been with in the past. So some of the good things we liked about them were really things that came from someone else. Just as the next people they're with will like things about them that came from the pwBPD being with us.

Myself and Rifka--this not only is very true but I have a rare, happy ending story. My exbfNPD cheated on me with another woman (actually there were many), but when I met his new SO, she quickly said to me, "You're the one I've loved all along." She was perceptive enough to see that the exbfNPD had assumed many of the good parts of me in their idealization phase. She dumped him after finding out he was cheating on her; she has been my bestie for the past two years and will remain so for life. She has stood beside me with unwavering support through the horrors now of exbfBPD. With Rifka's inspiration, I thought another success story was in order :-)

That is awesome.  What a great outcome!  Thank you for sharing! 

[Rifka]

PwBPD also pick up/take on/reflect back out pieces of other people they have been with in the past. So some of the good things we liked about them were really things that came from someone else. Just as the next people they're with will like things about them that came from the pwBPD being with us.

Myself and Rifka--this not only is very true but I have a rare, happy ending story. My exbfNPD cheated on me with another woman (actually there were many), but when I met his new SO, she quickly said to me, "You're the one I've loved all along." She was perceptive enough to see that the exbfNPD had assumed many of the good parts of me in their idealization phase. She dumped him after finding out he was cheating on her; she has been my bestie for the past two years and will remain so for life. She has stood beside me with unwavering support through the horrors now of exbfBPD. With Rifka's inspiration, I thought another success story was in order :-)

I am great friends with my exBPDbfs first ex wife! They have children together and when it was his weeks they stayed in my home and spent the entire time with their dad and my family. I reached out to her months ago in between a recycle. My ex kept telling me that if I had so many questions that I should talk to his exes. He never gave me their numbers. I found them myself on the internet and wrote messages to the two ex wives. They both got back to me with so much information. I stayed friends with exw number one. She has become so major in the healing, we both help each other emotionally. We speak for many hours every week, not about the ex, mainly about life, moving forward, the kids, anything and everything. She told me that she is lucky to have me as her friend and I completely feel the same.

I never told my exbf that I was friends with his exw. He would have gone ballistic!

His exw was my biggest supporter, the one I cried my heart out to and the only person who understood what I was going through. He tortured her for over 9 years of marriage. She is only now dealing with this BPD diagnosis since we finally know what it is. Their children both have it as well. She has her hands full!


You are lucky to have each other!

Rifka

[kc sunshine]

Wow, these are amazing stories! Rifka, his children has it as well? I suspect that my ex's daughter has it too (my ex told me she was thought she might have it as well). How did his kids having it too affect you?

[Rifka]

Wow, these are amazing stories! Rifka, his children has it as well? I suspect that my ex's daughter has it too (my ex told me she was thought she might have it as well). How did his kids having it too affect you?

Hey KC,

I just found out about him being diagnosed with BPD mid August. I told his ex wife and she figured out that the kids have the same behavior. One is exactly like his dad, the other has it more controlled. She told the school therapists about the fathers diagnosis. They are being tested, but they do have many of the same traits.

It didn't effect me, because they love being with me and my daughters, so they were always on their best behavior when they visited. They live thousands of miles away from me. We talk weekly.

How are you doing KC? You can private message me if you want!

Rifka

[Arminius]

I really miss the original him. But if that was only me reflected I must be pretty wonderful because the man I feel in love with was wonderful. So I guess in a way we got to see what we were like. And we are great. 

Yeah baby!

[hope2727]

Thanks Arminius

Today was a tough one and the thought that I am worthy of an awesome relationship with someone as awesome as I feel in love with was about the only thing that soothed me. What an experience. I miss him. Good him. Healthy him. Ok well the him I met and knew for the first year or so. So I guess I miss me. I guess I should call me up and take me to dinner.

Imagine if all us nons could start a site and meet one another. We must be wonderful Kidding. Now I sound like the NPD. 

[Rifka]

Thanks Arminius

Today was a tough one and the thought that I am worthy of an awesome relationship with someone as awesome as I feel in love with was about the only thing that soothed me. What an experience. I miss him. Good him. Healthy him. Ok well the him I met and knew for the first year or so. So I guess I miss me. I guess I should call me up and take me to dinner.

Imagine if all us nons could start a site and meet one another. We must be wonderful Kidding. Now I sound like the NPD. 

No seriously,

This is one hell of a group of lovely compassionate people!

Most of the people here are so amazing, now if you would only believe that yourselves it would be great!

We all deserve to be loved the way we give love!

All joking aside, yes you should take yourself out for a great evening, I do, because I deserve it!

Rifka