I can't leave her number blocked

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It seems like once every month or two, my exBPD calls me because she is upset about something, but then as soon as the next day, she won't even say hello to me. While it's great to hear from her again, it usually ends in a colossal fight and me unloading all my pent-up anger on her.

I vow to never speak to her again after feeling used (and having her bring out the worst in me) again, and I block her number. But, it doesn't take a week before I start really missing her and feeling uneasy because her number is blocked. Leaving her number blocked leaves me feeling VERY depressed and I end up unblocking it because it makes me feel better. I wish I could just leave it blocked and live my life happier without her bringing chaos into it, but I can't... .

Anyone else have this problem or can offer some advice?

[AlwaysForgiving]

It seems like once every month or two, my exBPD calls me because she is upset about something, but then as soon as the next day, she won't even say hello to me. While it's great to hear from her again, it usually ends in a colossal fight and me unloading all my pent-up anger on her.

I vow to never speak to her again after feeling used (and having her bring out the worst in me) again, and I block her number. But, it doesn't take a week before I start really missing her and feeling uneasy because her number is blocked. Leaving her number blocked leaves me feeling VERY depressed and I end up unblocking it because it makes me feel better. I wish I could just leave it blocked and live my life happier without her bringing chaos into it, but I can't... .

Anyone else have this problem or can offer some advice?

[Mr Hollande]

I haven't blocked my ex's phone number either. It's not for missing her and her evil but because it gives me the cheap thrill of putting the phone right down on her whenever she calls. It works for me. Everyone, if willing, finds what works for them eventually.

[AlwaysForgiving]

I haven't blocked my ex's phone number either. It's not for missing her and her evil but because it gives me the cheap thrill of putting the phone right down on her whenever she calls. It works for me. Everyone, if willing, finds what works for them eventually.

Ha, are you saying you answer and then hang up? Or do you just ignore the call?

[Mr Hollande]

Yes. I pick up and go "Hello!". She goes "Err hello it's... ." *CLICK*. I have a feeling she doesn't like it.  

[tim_tom]

I couldn't leave it blocked either. I am obsessed with wanting some validation from her. I crave just a single text that is heart felt, apologetic... something that makes me feel like it all meant something to her and she recognizes her own part in the breakdown.

To go from being texted obsessively, asking me to promise i will love her forever daily, telling me we were meant to be, constantly on my case about proposing... to being treated so coldly like I barely exist... Has done such a number on my ego, mind and soul.

[fred6]

I couldn't leave it blocked either. I am obsessed with wanting some validation from her. I crave just a single text that is heart felt, apologetic... something that makes me feel like it all meant something to her and she recognizes her own part in the breakdown.

To go from being texted obsessively, asking me to promise i will love her forever daily, telling me we were meant to be, constantly on my case about proposing... to being treated so coldly like I barely exist... Has done such a number on my ego, mind and soul.

I know how you feel man. I wish my exBPD would just let me know she did love me and that the whole 3 years wasn't a scam or something. But what I have actually gotten is, nothing, nada, and ziltch from her as far as how she feels about me. Sure sucks for me, but it's gotta suck more being her and living the crazy life even though she has new supply. He'll learn soon enough, haha... .

[kc sunshine]

I'm having this same problem! I've gotten rid of all her emails and texts, but I still keep checking my phone to see if she has texted me. I wonder if blocking would help or if it would make it worse. What do you all think?

[Rifka]

I'm having this same problem! I've gotten rid of all her emails and texts, but I still keep checking my phone to see if she has texted me. I wonder if blocking would help or if it would make it worse. What do you all think?



KC you know this answer!

[AlwaysForgiving]

I'm having this same problem! I've gotten rid of all her emails and texts, but I still keep checking my phone to see if she has texted me. I wonder if blocking would help or if it would make it worse. What do you all think?

This is exactly what I am talking about. I block her number thinking it will make me feel better. And it does for about a week, but then I end up hurting even more. And then I end up unblocking her number because it makes me feel more at ease.

Even when her number is blocked, I end up checking my email all the time anyway to see if she tried contacting me that way. This is ridiculous... .it like I forget that fire is hot until I reach out and get burned by it again.

[momtara]

Unlike some on this board, I'm a fan of closure, or at least, giving in to your emotions in the beginning stages of leaving.  If you don't feel right blocking her number, don't block it just yet.  Hopefully, in time, you'll feel more ready to move on. 

As for the idea of hanging up on her for revenge, I don't condone that one. 

[ScotisGone74]

For me personally blocking her number was one of the best things I ever did.    It hurt like hell the first couple of months and I wanted to hear from her badly to just get an apology, an ' Im sorry' , something ,  but the reality is she is mentally ill and is incapable of providing a true apology or accepting any fault in anything she has done.    Blocking the number is what kept me away from the toxic BS and gave me time to heal and ponder how I got into this mess in the first place.    I believe once you stop looking for an apology from them and consider how/ why you were in the relationship with a BPD then you re on the road to true healing.  

[pieceofme]

I couldn't leave it blocked either. I am obsessed with wanting some validation from her. I crave just a single text that is heart felt, apologetic... something that makes me feel like it all meant something to her and she recognizes her own part in the breakdown.

To go from being texted obsessively, asking me to promise i will love her forever daily, telling me we were meant to be, constantly on my case about proposing... to being treated so coldly like I barely exist... Has done such a number on my ego, mind and soul.

i feel this.

from being texted obsessively... .as sad as it is to admit, i really do miss sharing my day with my ex.

[freedom33]

You will not get an apology, she won't call you to say that she is magically healed and now wants to be with you to give you all the love you deserve, she won't call you to see how YOU are doing, she won't call to genuinely and unconditionally offer something. She will only call you when SHE has a need, for her own selfish reasons.

I have not blocked her since I don't want to give her the pleasure of feeling as if she still has hooks in me. I prefer just to let it ring and I have not the slightest urge of picking up. She actually started using unknown numbers recently so can't block her anymore even if I wanted to. They will find ways to break NC. She found an opportunity to send a reply today (after I told her I want 100% no contact incl emails) to a group email cc'ing me and starting a discussion about her holiday and how much fun she is having and how it reminds her this and that and the other. And the funny thing is that she doesn't know these people - these people are my friends that she only spoke to them briefly once. Who the fck cares about your holiday... .? I emailed to my friends except her and said that if you want to continue the discussion with her please do but don't cc me in. I don't think you can block emails... .

Actually just seeing over the last month the lenghts of boundary breaking, intrusion, complete disregard of what I asked her and no respect of my personal space (as if I don't exist), has only reinforced my resolve to maintain NC and completely remove her from my life. She is finished!  

I don't miss her at all, nor I feel sympathy for her. At best for her worse for me, her audacity annoyes me. That's as much feeling and reaction she can get from me these days... .I am focusing on me for the first time in my life and I simply can't believe I spent a year of my life with such a toxic person. I guess the gift is that I am actually loving myself for the first time in my life. I used to be on everyone else's side except my own for three decades. Enough with that. I am taking care of me from now. ME ME ME! And it feels good. As if you found your long lost best friend after decades.

[susanleona]

We were in a long distance relationship so didn't phone often, but did Skype and Facebook chat. I tried to block him and failed, guess I still cared.  So he kept calling and pushing my buttons until I simply could not take it anymore, had a blow-up, dared him to delete me, which he did.  But this was not the end as he tried twice to reconnect.  The first time I ignored, the second I accepted but told him I would not chat online.  This was a deal breaker for him, he gave me a Valentine hug, deleted me and it's been since this February no contact.  I still check out his Facebook page, but my feelings are much more on the indifferent side, though I don't think completely.

[Mr Hollande]

As for the idea of hanging up on her for revenge, I don't condone that one. 

Why? Will it not have the desired effect?

[Chasing_Ghosts]

As for the idea of hanging up on her for revenge, I don't condone that one. 

Why? Will it not have the desired effect?

Im not so much about the revenge aspect but to me it seems to be counterproductive. Youre still acknowledging her existence albeit briefly and negatively but it still feeds her as its attention... and unfortunately shell take any scraps she can positive or negative. If it works for you go for it im not saying to stop but shes only going to keep trying harder. In her mind she has to "win".

[Mr Hollande]

I cannot see who calls my landline. I pick up, it's her and I put the phone right down. Easy.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I cannot see who calls my landline. I pick up, it's her and I put the phone right down. Easy.

Touche. 

[fred6]

I cannot see who calls my landline. I pick up, it's her and I put the phone right down. Easy.

You could pick it up and proceed to order a large pizza with extra mushrooms. Or answer and say, "Hey Amanda, what time should I pick you up?", then hang up. Hahaha, might as well have some fun with it... .

[Mutt]

As for the idea of hanging up on her for revenge, I don't condone that one. 

Why? Will it not have the desired effect?

I don't condone it either. I'm not for tit for tat. If you look on the right hand side

----------------------------------------------------->

Attachment leads to suffering and detachment leads to freedom. It keeps us engaged.

“Silence is a source of Great Strength.”― Lao Tzu

[Mr Hollande]

As for the idea of hanging up on her for revenge, I don't condone that one. 

Why? Will it not have the desired effect?

I don't condone it either. I'm not for tit for tat. If you look on the right hand side

----------------------------------------------------->

Attachment leads to suffering and detachment leads to freedom. It keeps us engaged.

“Silence is a source of Great Strength.”― Lao Tzu

I can't argue with that but I am quite sure her attempts to contact me will cease and they probably already have. Till then I aim to treat her with as much cold contempt with the minimum amount of effort possible. Having her messaging me without reading them and calling only to have the phone instantly put down is the only way I can think of.

Lao Tzu's words are very wise. Here are the words of another great man:

"Someday this war's gonna end... ."

Colonel Kilgore

[Caredverymuch]

It seems like once every month or two, my exBPD calls me because she is upset about something, but then as soon as the next day, she won't even say hello to me. While it's great to hear from her again, it usually ends in a colossal fight and me unloading all my pent-up anger on her.

I vow to never speak to her again after feeling used (and having her bring out the worst in me) again, and I block her number. But, it doesn't take a week before I start really missing her and feeling uneasy because her number is blocked. Leaving her number blocked leaves me feeling VERY depressed and I end up unblocking it because it makes me feel better. I wish I could just leave it blocked and live my life happier without her bringing chaos into it, but I can't... .

Anyone else have this problem or can offer some advice?

AlwaysForgiving, as the names we both have chosen to use here show about us, these kinds of self protective actions are hard.  Especially in the beginning of detachment.  I am guessing you were with a waif BPD as I was.  I was always feeling badly for my ex as such. His despondency when I won't be there for him was very real. The very same face fraught with despair that a frightened lost child would have.

In detaching, I had to put my own emotional well being before the need to respond to his abandonment fears. Bc, although I understood them in relation to the d/o, I also only hurt myself every time I continued to respond.

As you clearly state and I learned greatly reading so very many experiences of others here, they can and do drop us on our heads immediately after getting their own emotional need met. That hurts more and deeper and very profoundly each and every time for us. As well as making us feel incredibly devalued.

In time, I hope you get to the point that you can block your ex for good. I know it is a process that we need to go through at our own pace. One statement you will hear me say over and over to the members on this board is the following. Bc it is unequivocially  true: I have not read ONE experience of anyone on this board responding to the baiting or recycling of their bBPD that provided for a better outcome. Not one. That in itself helped me to detach and protect myself more than I can ever be more grateful for. The sad reality is that we are the only ones that can protect ourselves from the further and deeper hurt if we stay engaged in the rescuing. Which is only, and forever will be only... .one sided. And disordered  .

[yaryu]

I can't keep her number blocked for long either and my brain craves for her to reach out to me.  It's weird because if she does text me, I actually like it, like getting a hit of some kind of drug.  I'm so messed up.

[Infern0]

I haven't blocked either.

For me it's not a huge problem to hear from her once in a blue moon with her issues etc. It doesn't overly bother me anymore.

She pops up,  we exchange a few messages and she drops off,  I never text her first or double text, I just reply to hers.

We haven't had an argument or anything,  it's amicable. 

[irishmarmot]

I have been NC for almost 9 months and I have blocked her on all social media.  It has come to the point where I do not even know her phone # anymore.   This is a good thing.  It makes the grieving process easier to have NC.  At least for me and I want her to forget about me.  I have come a long way in detaching from a toxic person and beginning to feel better.I understand how you feel but in my opinion anytype of contact just delays the process of detachment.   In my situation there is no turning back.  The relationship is over and done with and I am moving on with my life.  A year from now I believe she will be a distant unpleasant memory.