recycling years later

[Depression = 72% of members]

Yes but Tim Tom... they are mentally ill remember? Normal smart people like you and me would but they can't.

[hurting300]

Yes but Tim Tom... they are mentally ill remember? Normal smart people like you and me would but they can't.

[rickdeckard]

It's weird but I've improved a lot since she's been gone.

I think I am actually better off than I was before she came back. I was stagnant. The rs darn near destroyed me, I lost almost everything. But... .I think I needed that. A new beginning.

[ajr5679]

first round we was together for three months.  she left for six month and I heard nothing from her because she went back to her ex. second round , she left the ex came back to me we was together for 8 months , but she was still talking to her ex. she left me again I did not here from her for two years. round three she came back we was together for two years. now she is gone again and I have not heard anything of her, I don't think she will come back for round four. I ended it the last round.

[hurting300]

Mine will be gone six months in a few days. It's still so hard to grasp at times how she just up and left without saying anything.

[yaryu]

I could never get used to her endless reminisce of her past, and there was no sparing of details, which led me to wonder how many first loves do you have?  Of course, I didn't ask.   

[hurting300]

Yeah mine supposedly only loved me. Lol

[tim_tom]

I could never get used to her endless reminisce of her past, and there was no sparing of details, which led me to wonder how many first loves do you have?  Of course, I didn't ask.   

During relationship I was told I was the only true love ever. Day of BU she told me there was 1 other, that was nice to hear . Reading about this disorder, I believe they most likely all were.

They aren't healthy and can't function any other way, like asking my dog to not be a dog and stop doing dog things. I just accept that he's a dog.

[PhoenixBlack]

Yeah mine supposedly only loved me. Lol

Ugh, I got this line too. How was I stupid enough to believe it? It sounds preposterous now. 

[hurting300]

I literally with my own eyes saw a post of her telling her ex years back (I love you) ok, so how can you honestly say you never loved before? She then said, well I love candy and puppy's too... I loved him like candy. I'm standing there in front of her thinking what the f*** is this crazy b**** trying to pull over on me?

[tim_tom]

I literally with my own eyes saw a post of her telling her ex years back (I love you) ok, so how can you honestly say you never loved before? She then said, well I love candy and puppy's too... I loved him like candy. I'm standing there in front of her thinking what the f*** is this crazy b**** trying to pull over on me?

They live in the moment, during idealization it feels like the most powerful level because they lack object permanence and don't remember

[hurting300]

No she lied like this all the time. They are great liars.

[rickdeckard]

Looks like I'm back to soulmate status (maybe), got an apology/miss you/I know you hate me/I made a mistake/etc. text from - get this - 867-5309!

LOL

I guess I had a Jenny that needed to say all those things as well. That must be it. Couldn't be the ex, could it? Nah.

At least she shows her love for the earth with all this recycling.

Meh.

Funny thing. It didnt really hit me very hard. Guess I was expecting it.

[hurting300]

Well I'm six months out and just getting silence and covert stuff. Things I know it's her but can't prove...

[rickdeckard]

Precisely, HM. I cannot prove it is her because it is from an obviously fake number. The contents of the text are obvious. I could copy/paste together an almost identical message from all of our previous correspondence. And there is no one else out there that would need to tell me such things. But, no real proof. Part of the reason it hard to talk to friends about it. They just think im being paranoid. Someone that has experienced it, tough, sees it as I do.

[hurting300]

I can't help but think she is trying to break ME somehow... I was teaching our baby how to walk and everything... then bam vanished. All because she was being caught in lies.

[peiper]

This is too weird ! My ExBPD left, filed domestic violence charges (which were BS) and divorced me. Around two months later I also get half a dozen FB friend requests from women who had just opened their profile, had no friends. So I switched mine to public and bingo they stopped. I then posted I was moving, which I did. After the move I get a call from a bill collector looking for her on my cell , which is strange as we kept our financial matters separate. So I checked her FB page to see if there was anything weird, and bingo there was. She had posted a week after I had posted about my move to Texas that she was moving to Frisco ! I'm in a new relationship now, which is also posted on FB, so I'm hoping she leaves me alone !

[peiper]

Another strange thing that she did was leave around 20K worth of her stuff, new washer, drier, fridg, furniture and she had just remodeled the kitchen which she paid for. In the divorce papers she gave it all to me, which is just weird. I talked to my T about it and he said she did that because she was always planning on coming back. Would have been a lot easier to stay !

[hurting300]

Omg, they are all the same. Similar things with me too! Ok now I'm worried that she is just playing games in the shadows.

[peiper]

I think they all do that. I know mine always did. The last time she moved out she leased a house around a hundred and sixty miles away, after not hearing from her for around two months she calls out of the blue starting off saying that her life was crap without me. Then wanting me to sell my house and move there. I told her no, there is no oilfield there and that's all I know. She replied she would buy me a antique store. She makes 50K a year, so where is she coming up with that money so I told her no way ! So she breaks her lease, looses three grand in deposits and has to fork out a grand to move back. Totally crazy looking back now, but at the time I wanted her back and didn't see it.

[hurting300]

Well mine is not really gone if she's driving by . Shhh that's suppose to be a secret, she don't think I know.

[peiper]

Brother she knows you know, that's why she's driving by, to keep her in your head. Same as mine when she posted she was moving after I had posted the same a week before. Mine thrives on drama and I bet yours does too !

[hurting300]

You know, she was two faced bad... for someone who has never tried drugs or drank she sure did have a lot of "friends" that did those things. I even warned her if she happen to be out with one of them and they got caught she would go to jail too. She then went behind my back and told them I was controlling her and talking s*** about them. Wow... .Just wow...

[Hope0807]

Hi Tater tot,

Is it safe to assume you had no clue of "BPD" with your initial break-up?  When did you learn of "BPD"?  Shocking to read about the recycle 3 years later and then 16 years later.  I'm a few months out of my home with the ex and moving forward with him being a distant memory can't come soon enough.

First attempt at recycle was 3 years after our I initial bu, recent (this past summer) was 16 years after initial bu.

[hurting300]

When she left like she did just disappearing, I put all the red flags together and hired a team. One attorney, one detective and a mental health professional. We went to a judge and pulled her records. She has borderline personality disorder But over lapping sociopathic traits. They consider her dangerous... and told me clearly she would hurt me. All because she's the calm cold type.

[Tater tot]

Hi Tater tot,

Is it safe to assume you had no clue of "BPD" with your initial break-up?  When did you learn of "BPD"?  Shocking to read about the recycle 3 years later and then 16 years later.  I'm a few months out of my home with the ex and moving forward with him being a distant memory can't come soon enough.

First attempt at recycle was 3 years after our I initial bu, recent (this past summer) was 16 years after initial bu.

Hope, I had no clue until after the last breakup when in going over the details with a friend who is a counselor suggested he sounded borderline. Once I read about BPD the pieces started falling into place. He hooked me by telling me he was always the one he wanted a "do over" with, that he had a dream we would get married, he was as sure of that as the sun rising and it went on from there... .for 6 weeks. Now I'm painted bkack. I've tried to be friends but he can't mster more than a one or two word response when I do reach out. I doubt after this he will come back again. The sad thing is, today, I hope he does.

[hurting300]

Tater tot, my ex said something about the Do over also. It's so messed up how these people are all the same.

[Blimblam]

When she left like she did just disappearing, I put all the red flags together and hired a team. One attorney, one detective and a mental health professional. We went to a judge and pulled her records. She has borderline personality disorder But over lapping sociopathic traits. They consider her dangerous... and told me clearly she would hurt me. All because she's the calm cold type.

Was she the queen bee type of the mean girls?

[Tater tot]

Tater tot, my ex said something about the Do over also. It's so messed up how these people are all the same.

Agreed. Sometimes I feel like I'm making him out to be BPD, so it makes me feel better and make sense of things. And then when I read so many stories that are so similar to mine... .it has to be the disorder.

[hurting300]

It's hard to explain how she was man... She had a stone cold look... .It's hard to explain.

[Hope0807]

I remember the absolute horror that ran through what felt like every pore of my being when I first started to read about "BPD" and their intense 'fear of abandonment'……………... wow wow "I" THREATENED ABANDONMENT REGULARLY!  WOW!  While in the relationship, I could not make sense of the chaos and everything that went along with it.  Nothing added up and I felt like I was spinning literally and psychologically, daily.  I'll spare you of the details as the hundreds of the personal stories on this site and their minuscule details are all mine too.  While in the relationship I set clear and strong boundaries, he smashed through them.  When I'd leave (only drove around to cry, think, and return) the uBPDexh had his script of apologies, begging and pleading with me for another chance, to please not leave him, professions of dedication to "get help"…on and on it went.  The scenario repeated itself for years.  He admitted to having "issues", "anger problems", being "emotionally constipated", referred to himself regularly as a "mess", blamed his childhood (mother in particular), and adamantly refused to let his tendency to "react instead of just responding" be the detriment of losing the "one person who's made him feel whole and been the love of his life".  My exH was beautifully, painfully self aware.  That self awareness wrapped up my patience and kept me holding on.  I originally felt disgusted with myself for threatening abandonment so often.  Not only did it felt warranted at the time, but looking back I realize that my own inner strength and sense of identity was marching into survival mode.  My certain sense of self and strong personality was bringing all of his BPD to the surface.  We were matching up for all the WRONG reasons.  I loved feeling intensely loved, but he was not someone who was stable and that intensity was not based in reality…it was rooted in desperation, fear, and barren attempt at discovering an identity of his own.  

In the end, he blamed ME for every single little and big thing that was wrong in his world.  He was "triangulating" and lining up other "resources" and "replacements"…all terms that became clear once I was gone.  EVERYTHING became clear.  What I mean by sharing this is mostly…once I discovered his "BPD" AND confirmed substance abuse…there was absolutely no wanting any part of him to come back.  The part of him and the relationship that I still miss or long for still today is and was an illusion.  As horrific as it is to accept, there is no doubt that that individual LACKED SELF IDENTITY.  Why in the world would I want to be with someone who is so incomplete himself?  Today I struggle with purposeful determination to make sure MY identity of self is firmly rooted in joy and hope of the now, and of all the days that lie ahead.  I believe when we convince ourselves that we can be the calm answer to the disordered storm, we simply resolve to becoming little more than the debris that spins in the eye of a tornado and is eventually spit to the ground, landing a considerable distance from where it was scooped up, and simply an item of passers-by to stare at and consider whether we are trash or treasure.  I choose to believe in my own worth.  I gave my ex too much of that power.  When we stop wanting them to recycle, we start truly nourishing ourselves and our own paths.  

I applaud this forum and cherish the members, but more is needed to both validate the pain and help to heal the souls who have barely survived "trying" to love a personality disordered person.

Hi Tater tot,

Is it safe to assume you had no clue of "BPD" with your initial break-up?  When did you learn of "BPD"?  Shocking to read about the recycle 3 years later and then 16 years later.  I'm a few months out of my home with the ex and moving forward with him being a distant memory can't come soon enough.

First attempt at recycle was 3 years after our I initial bu, recent (this past summer) was 16 years after initial bu.

Hope, I had no clue until after the last breakup when in going over the details with a friend who is a counselor suggested he sounded borderline. Once I read about BPD the pieces started falling into place. He hooked me by telling me he was always the one he wanted a "do over" with, that he had a dream we would get married, he was as sure of that as the sun rising and it went on from there... .for 6 weeks. Now I'm painted bkack. I've tried to be friends but he can't mster more than a one or two word response when I do reach out. I doubt after this he will come back again. The sad thing is, today, I hope he does.