recycling years later

[hurting300]

I've read some interesting stories about people with BPD calling their exes back months even years later! Years later? Is this true? Is their no expiration date for a BPD recycle?

[Infern0]

Yes it's true.

Mine attempted to recycle an ex after two years and one of my friends BPD ex tried to recycle him after SEVEN years.

I don't think you are ever 100% out of the woods. The longer it goes though the less vulnerable you are.  My mate just laughed his ass off after his resurfaced after 7 years giving it the "your the only one for me" routine

[hurting300]

I'm almost six months out and she still drives by my house But won't call me. Weird  man.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I'm almost six months out and she still drives by my house But won't call me. Weird  man.

Shame and guilt are more than likely stopping her from actually being able to approach or call you i would assume at this moment i her life. Contact of that nature would be too personal causing her to become triggered. Give it time and i would have to assume with her extreme attachments to you(as you have a child together and shes driving past your place) that eventually she will think its "safe" and essentially the clean slate to open up communication. Unfortunately there no way to tell when this will happen realistically with how chaotic her emotions can be with no linear thought pattern other than generally what encompasses around the disorder itself.

Eerie stuff for sure.

[rollercoaster24]

Hi hurting300

Yep, sounds the norm, my ex was still rabbiting on about his ex (of 10 years prior to meeting me) the whole time he was with me, not to mention his other ex's that he kept bringing up all the time.

He was also stalking (his main ex) on Facebook and would periodically stalk other females he might have either fancied or been casually/seriously involved with during his life. Yet he hated the fact that I had children with mine, and had to have contact now and then because of that, (BP is now 47 and has no children still).

I would get diabolical treatment and the nastiest rant/lecture sessions about my ex still being in my life, yet I never kept reminding him just how much he was still living in the past himself.

Interestingly, none of his (what he called serious relationships) ever lasted even 2 years, except for his main ex, (they actually did last 2 years and were going to marry, but she called it off at the last minute because he refused to address his abusiveness).

Of course his story about why/how it ended was total fabrication, (to cover up), however I asked his ex, (since she kept popping up beside his/my facebook page) and she told me why she ended it. I knew straight away that was the real truth.

I also know/knew that sadly, I could never trust BP totally in any way.

Man I really tried though, and really wanted to believe he was who he said he was, the reality is that he tells so many fibs, his memory isn't good enough to make them seem real.

I know that I have never recycled any ex's years later, there is a reason they are ex's and that's the way they will stay.

For BP's, it seems the standard if they cannot find new/fresh supply.

[hurting300]

I miss my baby. When she does stop i have a full custody order.

[hurting300]

You know, I never could trust her. Every time I'd catch her lying she would get silent. She didn't scream or yell... and she always had to have male friends. I do not mind that at all, but when you talk bad about me and I can't meet them then we have problems.

[rollercoaster24]

Hi hurting300

Yep, know what you mean, I never got to meet any of BP's former female 'friends', (his were all prior lovers) and he never gave their addresses, however he wanted to know every detail of my male friends lives, plus demanded their addresses, along with made violent threats about them, stalked them/me.

I was totally open and honest with BP when I met him about my male friends, telling him that none of them were former lovers bar one.

The one that was a former lover, (yes ashamedly) was married too, but had taken advantage of me and had led me to believe he was separated at that time. Friend and I had talked our issues through however, and I had told him that I appreciated his friendship but he was not to try 'the moves' on me as I didn't approve of what he was doing as a married man, nor did I want 'that' kind of friendship.

This married male friend was a mechanic however, and that was how we had met, (several years prior to meeting BP) he was doing work on some friends cars, and I needed work done on mine, so they introduced him to me, and I began to employ his skills at times, (paying him for that).

When BP and I were first friends, this married friend was doing some pretty heavy duty work on my car and my daughters car, so he was around quite a bit whilst he completed the work.

BP hated him instantly, (but hid that until BP and I became involved months later) and began to hint at how I should get together with this friend. I set BP straight that the friend was married and I would not be interested even if he wasn't, I merely liked his company as a mate, liked learning from him about cars, and enjoyed a males perspective on things at times.

By the time BP and I became involved, he began to devalue me and dysregulate, especially about this friend of mine. BP of course, was still going around to see one of his former female 'friends', hanging out with her at the beach all day, doing short trips in his car with her, and going there at nights to 'babysit her' (she was taking drugs and drinking all the time) all the while treating me terribly over my friendship with the mechanic.

[/i]Big time double standards.

I spoke with BP and validated his feelings over this friend, BP didn't want him coming around anymore, and since I knew the friend had new employment working remotely, (roster was weeks on and one week off), I knew I wouldn't be seeing the friend much at any rate due to his new job.

Still, I intended to inform the friend (that I couldn't see him any longer) the next time I saw him.

Unfortunately, the last time the friend dropped round, (unexpectedly) BP decided he had been there too long, and pulled a knife (out of the knife block in my kitchen) whilst standing menacingly at my window and glaring at my friend. Since my back was to the window, I only heard a bang, saw my friend jump up and walk rapidly towards the door, not before asking my friend what happened. Friend explained and then ran off out the door, (never saw/heard from him again).

BP had walked towards the friend with the knife in his hand still, and was ranting a lecture about how the friend was married and all the rest. Friend just walked out in disgust, muttering some comment about not having to put up with this *&^%%$.

I never heard the end about that friend, BP was still talking about murdering/maiming him 4 years later.

Any other male friends I had? 2 of them were former work associates, and 1 was a newish friend, (say 6 months). I had been totally straight up with any male friends I had, always. They knew that they were NEVER going to be sleeping with me, and that talk always happened right at the start, I also asked them if they still wanted to be friends knowing that would never change, and they still stayed friends.

BP was told about this too, as I had nothing to hide from him about anything. Sadly, this never mattered, and eventually I had to hide things, to protect other peoples safety, (not a good way to live). By the end of living with BP, I had no friends left at all, male or female, just the way he wanted it.

At the start of my union with BP, I offered BP the chance to meet my friends, (since they would text to catch up for a coffee at mine occasionally), and he point blank refused, (that wasn't all he said either!).

Yet I never heard the end of how I had never let him meet them, (damned if you do, damned if you don't).



I would remind him that I had offered, and that he could meet them anytime, and that would set him off worse, I would be called the most vile names, and accused of sleeping with every man that talked to me. It was hell on earth.

And I didn't deserve that at all.

BP himself had joked about having had 100 bed partners in his entire life, and that was when I met him at almost 43, wow that was way more than me, yet he still felt he could call me the most disgusting names when he felt like abusing me.

To be real, I don't know if he was being honest, or just saying that number to hurt me. I did notice that BP thought everyone was playing a game with him, (so he would often do spiteful revenge like things) and really wish I had noticed that red flag sooner.

Oh God, sorry hurting300, I've prattled on and on again.

I just had an epiphany, if BP 'hates' drunks and drugs so much, why the hell was he sleeping with or hanging out with a woman that was doing both big time?  He often told me throughout the relationship that he admired me because I wasn't into drugs or partying and drinking all the time. Weird huh?

[hurting300]

Omg! Yes! She never drank or did drugs but all her friends did! I had proof because they had jail records! Very two faced.

[Tater tot]

First attempt at recycle was 3 years after our I initial bu, recent (this past summer) was 16 years after initial bu.

[tim_tom]

I'd guess it depends on how their life goes. A year from now, if some bloke who is more sensible then me cheats on her, forcing her to detach, I would not be surprised at all to hear from her.

On the other hand, if she gets married or  if she continues her cycle of intense infatuation followed be leaving for someone new... Then I won't.

I do know that it won't be about me, it will be about her and what she needs

[rickdeckard]

I was recycled after 20 years. I think there is someone else here that happened to as well. It makes an excellent hook. "I went through so many guys and never found another like you, it was you I was wanting all along I just didnt realize until now. We are connected, we are soul mates" - basically. She married her new soul mate 5 months after she disposed of me this time. Ain't true love a wonderous thing? 

Your results may vary 

That reminds me, I need to finish my intro... .

[lemon flower]

I can put 4 names on my illustrious list of exes with a PD (yeah, very questionable I know, but I'm working on it   )

-the first one cut the deepest allthough I never had a real r/ship with him (thank god), we know eachother 17 years now and he still passes once a year to say hello, while informing to the status of my lovelife  , but he is the kind of high-functioning NPD who always has some women by the side so he doesn't really try hard

-the second one goes back 10 years now, he got married and has a small kid so I don't hear from him anymore allthough I do meet him from time to time by coincidence, I know he has a tough marriage but apparently he and his wife still manage together, so no trouble with that one

- the third one used to be some kind of friend with benefits, we never got serious, he left 6 years ago and I didn't hear from him for years but recently he retraced me so now he starts to calling me from time to time, also always informing about my lovelife but to me that bird doesn't fly anymore   

- the fourth (AND VERY LAST) one is my most recent ex, he's the reason I am here, we are now separated for 1 year but still in touch so that's another story

so yeah, no problem to counting back up to 17 years ! 

[rickdeckard]

Oh, I left out this part. She married replacement 5 months after ditching me and proudly changed her name on social media to the shiny new replacement name, and changed her profile pics to one of them holding each other. Replacement changed his pic to one of their wedding photos. 3 months later, she removed the new married last name and changed her pic to one of her dog. He changed his to his previous pic, which has nothing to do with her. Trouble in paradise already? Marital bliss not quite so blissful?  I LOL'd. Better him than me (and, yes, she was mentioning the"M" word to me right before she decided I looked better in the refuse pile than by her side). No, really, im fine. Not bitter at all .

Marriage doesnt mean much to some people, its more about " getting married" than what being married actually implies. Think of how many of the members here were cheated on and left by their spouse.

Just because your ex gets married does not mean they wont try to recycle - still married or not. And they may or may not tell you until the hooks are set. Don't expect it to happen, but be prepared for the possibility.

[hurting300]

Yeah like i said before, she tends to keep up with exes. It's the silent treatment and drive by's that confuse me. But I do know it's disordered...

[rickdeckard]

A drive by was the final straw for me. It was her driving by, followed by an "I really did and have always loved you" email, then the replacement driving by (no doubt looking for her) within a span of about 15 minutes. I had been parking my car elsewhere because I was expecting her to show up after another fight with replacement. mind you, this was 4 months after she had discarded me for him. Right after that I told her I would press charges for stalking if she contacted me again or drove by. That put an end to it. So far anyway. They can take their drama llama rodeo to someone else's house.

There is no telling the reason for the drive by in your case. Maybe she is checking to see if you have someone over? Going to do property damage? Is hoping you will run out and stop her begging and pleading in tears? Many possibilities.

[hurting300]

Yeah seriously dude it's confusing . Plus anytime in the past when she would be mad at me she would block me on Facebook and block my phone number. Now she deactivated her Facebook and changed her number. Totally different now . But when I made my Facebook totally private i started friend request from people i did not know. New profiles. It's creepy how c woman can have sex twice with you, wash your clothes, text you all day then just vanish into thin air with your baby. Super super creepy.

[rickdeckard]

FB is a mess. There are so many posts on here about it. When I blocked my ex after breakup #1 it took about 3 hours before the texts started coming in. And they.were.uber.creepy.

"I see you've blocked me." "you've severed our connection! How am I supposed to see what you're doing?" "how can you keep up with what im doing if I am blocked?". "I want to be able to see your picture. If you wont unblock me please make your profile public so I can see it". 

That last one would seem to indicate she had a second profile.

More    than Switzerland. And yep, I went back into that a little later.

Ive gotten the mystery friend requests as well. Also an email alert that someone liked one of my public posts. Went in to check, wasnt there. The person had either removed the like or blocked me right after. Or something. Also calls from private numbers and a local number that never leaves vm and doesnt answer call back (she had mentioned having a second phone at one point, got the idea from breaking bad).

Ivtook the additional measure after the last breakup of unfriending anyone we had in common (not easy with 20 years of history.

Creepy is absolutely spot on. And while we camn compare notes and see some patterns, no two people are exactly the same. I put a public post on FB stating "I am glad that person is out of my life forever. I never want them back in my life again". The phone calls stopped the next day. Coincidence? Maaayyyybeeee... .

You know yours better than I do, obviously. But I dont trust mine any more than I trust mine any more than I trust a blind skunk on meth at a Slayer concert.

As stated previously, your results may vary. But I'm watching my six red leader.

Keep coming back here and posting and reading. It helps a lot. I only just started posting, but ive been lurking since January.

[hurting300]

Dude seriously! One night when I had my Facebook page public, I put i was going on a date. Guess what happens? She drove by my house. They keep tabs on us i know. It's weird as hell . I don't trust mine either and yes the pattern is there.

[rickdeckard]

There's a sign for ya right there. "going on a date, eh? Well, lemme just swing on by and take a look-see."

I dont know if yours does the 40 megaton rage machine impression, but mine was/is capable of it. Super jealous. Even though she got married she WILL react if i put it out there that i am seeing someone else. Did it after breakup number one. "i see i was just a stepping stone" (she dumped me for replacement). "i bet she isnt as good as me in bed" (it was dinner with a coworker, I have no idea how good she is in bed because she isnt a ho like the ex. And, it was just a friendly dinner because my coworker knew I was having a bad time at the moment).

I moved. My lease was up anyway so it was good timing. Haven't had another flat tire since. Coincidence, im sure  .

Maybe not all exes keep tabs, but mine sure dies. And so does yours. And apparently many others.

[Hope0807]

I hope to never hear from mine again.  I always marveled at how he cut people loose so quickly and never turned back.  I never imagined it would be me.  Then I learned about "BPD".  I know more than I ever wanted to know.  NC was broken recently and sent me back pretty far in this healing process.  Struggling big time with loneliness and lack of support. 

[hurting300]

How long was he gone for?

[hurting300]

Mine was more of a non rage type. She admitted me having exes really got to her, she said you I could go on and on every day about her but each day I try to let a piece of it go. Then silent treatment. Then disappearing would start. Push pull behavior. When she hated her mom she needed me. When her and her mom would kiss each other's ass she would pull away.

[Waifed]

Oh, I left out this part. She married replacement 5 months after ditching me and proudly changed her name on social media to the shiny new replacement name, and changed her profile pics to one of them holding each other. Replacement changed his pic to one of their wedding photos. 3 months later, she removed the new married last name and changed her pic to one of her dog. He changed his to his previous pic, which has nothing to do with her. Trouble in paradise already? Marital bliss not quite so blissful?  I LOL'd. Better him than me (and, yes, she was mentioning the"M" word to me right before she decided I looked better in the refuse pile than by her side). No, really, im fine. Not bitter at all .

Marriage doesnt mean much to some people, its more about " getting married" than what being married actually implies. Think of how many of the members here were cheated on and left by their spouse.

Just because your ex gets married does not mean they wont try to recycle - still married or not. And they may or may not tell you until the hooks are set. Don't expect it to happen, but be prepared for the possibility.

I told my ex I was leaving after I caught her cheating on me. She immediately asked me "Will you still be with me if you get remarried?"  First thing that came to mind was how many exes is she "still being with".  Lol!

[tim_tom]

I hope to never hear from mine again.  I always marveled at how he cut people loose so quickly and never turned back.  I never imagined it would be me.  Then I learned about "BPD".  I know more than I ever wanted to know.  NC was broken recently and sent me back pretty far in this healing process.  Struggling big time with loneliness and lack of support. 

Yeah same, feeling really bad tonight. All the    were there, but she told me I was "special" 

This board is good for support, I don't have much of it either. Most of my family/friends are sick of talking to me about it. They just don't get it

[rickdeckard]

Oh, I left out this part. She married replacement 5 months after ditching me and proudly changed her name on social media to the shiny new replacement name, and changed her profile pics to one of them holding each other. Replacement changed his pic to one of their wedding photos. 3 months later, she removed the new married last name and changed her pic to one of her dog. He changed his to his previous pic, which has nothing to do with her. Trouble in paradise already? Marital bliss not quite so blissful?  I LOL'd. Better him than me (and, yes, she was mentioning the"M" word to me right before she decided I looked better in the refuse pile than by her side). No, really, im fine. Not bitter at all .

Marriage doesnt mean much to some people, its more about " getting married" than what being married actually implies. Think of how many of the members here were cheated on and left by their spouse.

Just because your ex gets married does not mean they wont try to recycle - still married or not. And they may or may not tell you until the hooks are set. Don't expect it to happen, but be prepared for the possibility.

I told my ex I was leaving after I caught her cheating on me. She immediately asked me "Will you still be with me if you get remarried?"  First thing that came to mind was how many exes is she "still being with".  Lol!

Evidence uncovered later showed she was with me, her previous bf, and her ex-husband from before the bf at the same time. I think there were others, she told me once "you think you're my only option? I have 3 or 4 others" .

I wish I was making this stuff up  :'(.

[rickdeckard]

Hope & Tim



This really is a good place for support. People that have not been through a relationship like the ones we have really dont understand how bad it was and how hard it hits us. Everyone here is going through it or has been through it. You are not alone out there. Stay strong, it does get better. There's always someone on here.

[hurting300]

It's weird but I've improved a lot since she's been gone.

[RisingSun]

My first BPD girlfriend recycled me after a year NC. This wouldn't be all that unusual aside from the fact she flew from the US to India to attempt the recycle. I kid you not, she found out where I was living in India, booked a flight and flew all the way from California. I was at a party, totally unsuspecting, turn around and there she was! She grabbed me, gave me a huge hug, said she came for me and that she was finally ready to have a relationship. I was blown away.

This is before knowing about BPD, it should have been a big    but NO! I feel for it hook, line and sinker. I was like, "damn, this is what true love is all about!", and "miracles do happen!". I fell hard.

I left India and moved to CA to live with her. A year later I was left a sobbing, emotional mess.

The moral of the story, be ready for the unexpected. There is no normal when dealing with BPD recycle attempts.       

[tim_tom]

My first BPD girlfriend recycled me after a year NC. This wouldn't be all that unusual aside from the fact she flew from the US to India to attempt the recycle. I kid you not, she found out where I was living in India, booked a flight and flew all the way from California. I was at a party, totally unsuspecting, turn around and there she was! She grabbed me, gave me a huge hug, said she came for me and that she was finally ready to have a relationship. I was blown away.

This is before knowing about BPD, it should have been a big    but NO! I feel for it hook, line and sinker. I was like, "damn, this is what true love is all about!", and "miracles do happen!". I fell hard.

I left India and moved to CA to live with her. A year later I was left a sobbing, emotional mess.

The moral of the story, be ready for the unexpected. There is no normal when dealing with BPD recycle attempts.       

Holy crap that is crazy. I just don't get these people. Don't you know what you want at some point and stick with it through ups and downs