NC for a month, and shes been trying to recycle me? Need help

[drummerdude27]

Hello, long story short. I had a typical BPDex. Mother/father abandoned her at the age of 3. She ran away from home at the age of 16, had a kid at 22 that she no longer had custody of and is pretty much a waif. I was with her for a year and the relationship was a rollercoaster and there was always "someone" else in the picture. Like a new guy every few weeks. Besides all that. When things got really rocky, she threatened me by saying she was going to hang out with other guys at like midnight+ when I couldn't fill her extreme neediness(I work full time). Eventually I got tired of it and called it off. She spent the next few days manipulating me back in to her web, and it worked. Soon after that, she just started to use me for emotional support while she was visiting an old fling/friend shes known for years. Of course she never admitted but I found out from a trusted mutual friend. Soon after that, I ended it and she was happy(she said she would never talk to me again and that I couldnt prove anything that happened) that it was over so I started to move on and go strict NC.

A month later, I get a text out of the blue from her saying "I know you don't want to speak to me but please stay out of my dreams, would you?" I ignored that. 

A few weeks after that, texts me again saying if I have a phone charger because shes at a nearby motel and about to relapse(she used to do meth, but I suspect she was still using) and has nobody to talk to. I ignore that as well. She sends me another text saying shes sorry and that she wasnt thinking straight. Then saying she misses the friendship we had and mutual interests we shared. I ignore again.

Another week passes and she sends this "Can you please talk to me? I miss your hugs and the way you held me. I've been so alone. I thought that I didn't want or need you in my life. But I was wrong."

I gave in a few days later and replied(sorry)... very minimal text response from me though but all I said was... What is it you want? She said she misses me cause shes never met anyone like me, with my interests in hobbies, music, etc. And said "I'm not asking for another chance at being with you cuz I messed that off, but I'd like to be friends like we were at first"

I told her I couldn't be friends due to the way she hurt me and that everything from me was legimate and true, that I really cared for her. She responded with "I didn't know that at the time. I was just feeling alone and then all of a sudden I started hanging out with my friends a lot more". She also said all shes been thinking about is me and her daughter. I leave the conversation there and go on ignore mode.

3 weeks ago, she messages me saying she misses me and asks if she can see me. I tell her i'm busy and at a friends. Couple days later she sends me a text saying she left me to work on herself, but now her life is unbearable without me and she had to learn how to snap out of her over attachment issue. She dropped the L bomb on me. Saying she knows she never said it but she did and still does love me. I call her out on the bull___ and we get into a little argument again, but we both calm down and I tell her I have to get back to work and so does she. She sent me one last text asking about how I liked this new song from a band I liked. I gave her a one word response. I have yet to hear from her in 3 weeks.(Which is a long time from all the weekly attempts shes been giving me)

I can't help to say that the love word kinda hit home, and made me think a bit. I know its all BS but damn. I don't know what to do. i was going to respond and tell her if she loved me, why did she bring me so much pain, dishonesty, etc. But I haven't, I am trying to ignore again. Anyone been in this situation? What should I do? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you!

[drummerdude27]

Sorry, wish I knew how to edit on here. But so far its been 3 months since ive seen her. We ended it in June and she started contacting me in mid july

[Mutt]

Hi drummerdude27,

I'm sorry to hear that your confused after your ex said the L word. You have to make the decision on your own. You know that talking to her leaves you confused when she is saying nice things and she's quiet now. I checked your introduction post. She says that she loves you for now. I think it's important to remember what your experience was when you were together:

This girl was one heck of an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. Here are some points about her.

When we first got together, she praised me highly. Even saying that all my ex's lost out on a great guy and how shes very lucky to have me.

She was excessively needy.

Had highs/lows during the relationship.

Constantly depressed and mentioned how she could never be happy.

Seemed promiscuous

Her stories/lies didn't match up. I felt it in my gut

Threatened to hang out with males at 12am+ cause I was too tired from working 10 hrs a day to see her on some nights.

Used to be a meth user.(I think she was still using though, she hung around with a lot of users still)

Was staying at random friends houses/motels during our relationship. Had a step moms house she could have went to but rarely stood there.

Had abnormal outbursts of anger for no real reason.

Openly flirt online.

Posting facebook pictures of herself that were a little too revealing.

Was abandoned as a kid by both parents at the age of 3

Had a daughter she had no custody of.