Saw ex, feeling triggered

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all,

I work with my ex, but in a remote part of the same building, and I have not laid eyes on her in four months.  Today I saw her at the coffee counter; we glanced at each other but did not speak as we stood in line. 

Recently she has been texting me pleading to be "friends," saying "can't we just get through this, I know you still care about me," asking "do you think I'm a horrible person," all while I've tried to maintain NC for my own benefit.   Last week she sent me an email through work email that just stated "hope all is well."

Seeing her has me on edge and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate.  I long for the day that I will be detached to the point where seeing her like this won't affect me, but sadly it still does.  I feel sure that she will try to get in touch with me again today, but it's beside the point: if she does or if she doesn't, my anxiety will be stirred up all day.  This fact provokes the urge to contact her just to kill off the anxiety.  I feel confident that I won't do this, but I went from having no urge at all for quite some time to having an urge I now have to fight. 

Just looking for words of support and maybe some thoughts on how to get past this triggering event.  I imagine from past experience that this could last a few days.  Thank you. 

[BacknthSaddle]

Hi all,

I work with my ex, but in a remote part of the same building, and I have not laid eyes on her in four months.  Today I saw her at the coffee counter; we glanced at each other but did not speak as we stood in line. 

Recently she has been texting me pleading to be "friends," saying "can't we just get through this, I know you still care about me," asking "do you think I'm a horrible person," all while I've tried to maintain NC for my own benefit.   Last week she sent me an email through work email that just stated "hope all is well."

Seeing her has me on edge and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate.  I long for the day that I will be detached to the point where seeing her like this won't affect me, but sadly it still does.  I feel sure that she will try to get in touch with me again today, but it's beside the point: if she does or if she doesn't, my anxiety will be stirred up all day.  This fact provokes the urge to contact her just to kill off the anxiety.  I feel confident that I won't do this, but I went from having no urge at all for quite some time to having an urge I now have to fight. 

Just looking for words of support and maybe some thoughts on how to get past this triggering event.  I imagine from past experience that this could last a few days.  Thank you. 

[tim_tom]

Yes it's tough. I went 16 days NC, was progressing, saw her last monday and then completely fell off the deep end and emoted like a teenager for a few days to her. All of it met coldly, but I think she enjoyed it cause she was pissed at me for NC

I think the thing to remember is that it will last longer if you respond

[Popcorn71]

I don't know if it would be the same for you, but here is my experience.  The first few times I saw my xBPDh after we split up, it made me feel terrible.  I missed him so much and got very upset by seeing him.  However, I have found that as time passes and now that I have seen him (and the replacement) lots of times, it no longer bothers me much.  It's not nice, but it doesn't ruin my day either.  Actually, I saw them a few days ago and in a strange way it made me feel stronger.  He seemed to be more affected by the situation more than I was and that made me feel good.

Maybe in time, it won't affect you much either.  Although, the contact from her can't be helping.  Can't you block her totally?  I know I couldn't remain strong if my ex contacted me.  I believe, as do many others on these boards, that NC is the best way to get over this.  Give yourself a bit of time, it will get easier.

[pieceofme]

i am on NC day 6 and saw my ex driving through my neighborhood this afternoon. he recently moved less than half a mile away from me, but that's another story   merely seeing him driving by today made my whole body shake and i've felt anxious and unsettled since. an hour after we saw each other, he text: "why are you ignoring me?"

it's hard - i don't know how to process it either.

[Blimblam]

I'm sorry to have to see her on a regular basis must be torturee.

Ultimately you know it's about control she wants to regain control and once she has it you know what will happen.

Your ability to keep your composure is something I don't think I would be able to do. Thanks for sharing

[Hopeless777]

I saw my BPDw yesterday at my deposition. I was fine the whole three hours answering inane questions. Then it was over and she bolted out. I made it home, ate dinner, and promptly feel apart. In bed all day today recovering from the pain induced situation I guess. I hope tomorrow is better, because today sucked. Knocked down again... .get up tomorrow I guess. Lord I need strength.

[pieceofme]

and promptly feel apart.

i understand that feeling.

hopeless777, your strength is in surviving yesterday and today.

tomorrow will be better 

[Caredverymuch]

Hi all,

I work with my ex, but in a remote part of the same building, and I have not laid eyes on her in four months.  Today I saw her at the coffee counter; we glanced at each other but did not speak as we stood in line. 

Recently she has been texting me pleading to be "friends," saying "can't we just get through this, I know you still care about me," asking "do you think I'm a horrible person," all while I've tried to maintain NC for my own benefit.   Last week she sent me an email through work email that just stated "hope all is well."

Seeing her has me on edge and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate.  I long for the day that I will be detached to the point where seeing her like this won't affect me, but sadly it still does.  I feel sure that she will try to get in touch with me again today, but it's beside the point: if she does or if she doesn't, my anxiety will be stirred up all day.  This fact provokes the urge to contact her just to kill off the anxiety.  I feel confident that I won't do this, but I went from having no urge at all for quite some time to having an urge I now have to fight. 

Just looking for words of support and maybe some thoughts on how to get past this triggering event.  I imagine from past experience that this could last a few days.  Thank you. 

I say my expBPD today as well in passing. The physical presence is hard. Hard to remember full logic of the disorder and self protection as such.

These were ppl we cared a great deal for.

Disordered or not. 

We shared something very special and very deep.

None of this is easy.

My only advice to you is to focus on what the r/s cost you.

That's what I have to do.