Hand Grenade

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hey all,

Anyone had any experience with pouring salt on your exBPDgf wounds when you are painted black.

Finally plucked the courage to tell my exBPDgf her Silent treatment and ignoring of my 8yr daughter caused her to hate her self and she need to take responsibility for it, she was not a nice human being and needed to take a deep look at herself.

I had been trying to build a bridge with her but not anymore... .

She promised she would never be surly / moody around my child and as always her actions fell short of her words.

Said I would never speak to her again and no chance of being friends.

Anyone have some heads up on what I can expect / for what Im in for?

[Flora73]

Hey all,

Anyone had any experience with pouring salt on your exBPDgf wounds when you are painted black.

Finally plucked the courage to tell my exBPDgf her Silent treatment and ignoring of my 8yr daughter caused her to hate her self and she need to take responsibility for it, she was not a nice human being and needed to take a deep look at herself.

I had been trying to build a bridge with her but not anymore... .

She promised she would never be surly / moody around my child and as always her actions fell short of her words.

Said I would never speak to her again and no chance of being friends.

Anyone have some heads up on what I can expect / for what Im in for?

[tim_tom]

I have been contemplating this step as well, she thinks she did nothing wrong and up till now, I've calmly and in a very soft way tried to reason with her about her contributions to our issues.

She has not respected my request for NC, I am thinking that the next tine I am going to finally let loose and blast her. Think it would be good to burn the bridge and get some anger off my chest

[Flora73]

Well if feels good for about 12hrs and then it subsides and a calm feeling takes its place.

Word it nicely but strongly! 

Everything has been my fault and she never addressed and of her contributions. But I guess this is the illness... .

I have a feeling it will contribute to the core of shame they have, not good but I had to tell her... .

Hopefully this will make her get some help, or at least look at things... .

[Mutt]

Hopefully this will make her get some help, or at least look at things... .

No it's not. It's a serious mental illness. I understand the logic and frustrated feelings especially when it comes to co-parenting. Pouring salt in the wounds will trigger and make things worse.

What is your goal? Do you want her to have access to the child?

[Infern0]

In my opinion if you have some level of detachment it's best to just walk away,  all you are doing is opening the door to more drama.

I've considered it many times,  to rant and rage or even to try play her at her own game.

She's attempting a recycle,  I could use this to my advantage,  play her,  pull her close then whisper in her ear that she would never be good enough for me.

It's a dark path. Get off it and back to the real world,  there's just nothing to gain from any of it and you'll feel like a monster.

[Blimblam]

In my opinion if you have some level of detachment it's best to just walk away,  all you are doing is opening the door to more drama.

I've considered it many times,  to rant and rage or even to try play her at her own game.

She's attempting a recycle,  I could use this to my advantage,  play her,  pull her close then whisper in her ear that she would never be good enough for me.

It's a dark path. Get off it and back to the real world,  there's just nothing to gain from any of it and you'll feel like a monster.

Exactly they will drag you down to their level and best you with experience.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

In my opinion if you have some level of detachment it's best to just walk away,  all you are doing is opening the door to more drama.

I've considered it many times,  to rant and rage or even to try play her at her own game.

She's attempting a recycle,  I could use this to my advantage,  play her,  pull her close then whisper in her ear that she would never be good enough for me.

It's a dark path. Get off it and back to the real world,  there's just nothing to gain from any of it and you'll feel like a monster.

Exactly they will drag you down to their level and best you with experience.

Agreed. Their whole existence is to "win" these sick games. Only a sociopath or psychopath could truly walk away a victor. But at what cost... im thinking a bloodbath. 

[Mutt]

Let go or be dragged.

[Flora73]

Thank you all for your input.

I felt I had to address this as my daughter is very important and wanted exBPDgf to know what her actions had caused.

Yes she has a mental illness, I just want to put it out there with her.

Is it acceptable behaviour even with a mental illness or not?

She was trusted in my home and with the presence of my child.

Whether she can take it in board I will leave to her. Repercussions well that's why I asked for insight.

[Flora73]

Thank you Mutt.

That was my last communication with her.

I have let go.

Still trying to make sense of a lot of other stuff... .

[Mutt]

You're welcome Flora73.

I understand and agree. It hurts me that I can't protect my kids 100% of the time. Having said that I can control my environment at home because my wife is out of the picture. She's not devaluing and emasculating dad in front of the kids. Conflict is secondary.

I keep a calm and emotionally safe environment. I validate my kids feelings, a sort of anecdote for mom's behaviors at her house. I'm sorry to hear she made D8 feel shame and guilt. Have you validated and talked to her?

[Flora73]

Thank you mutt

I have worked with my daughter, validating her feelings etc

Also took her to a child phycologist to wk through things.

ExBPDgf is a lovely woman, just 3-4 times a year she is difficult.

High functioning BPD

Again thank you 

[Mutt]

You're doing the right things 

I understand it's depressing when our exe's act out from time to time post break-up.

I think of it like a storm system, it will pass.

It's hard nonetheless when chaos comes your way. It's a reminder of the feelings and emotions that I don't want anymore.

“Not in my house you won't” - Dr. Maya Angelou

You're welcome Flora73