Tips for newbies on staying same and taking care of self

[Randi Kreger]

Can u please tell me what are your best tips for newbies on staying same and taking care of th3emselves? I would like to share them in an upcoming blog. People who have been though it really have the potential to help newbies. I am not talkin about tools so much as things like:* Keeping in mind that... .* Staying with my hobbies* Keeping in touch with old friends* making sure I have someone to tell the truth to* Meditation* Exercise* Setting new goals like* Avoiding my partner when they... *n Going to alanon meetings* Posting in the forum... .etc... .Thanks!

[hurting300]

Talk about your experience with abuse. Do not bottle it up. Cry it out and know it's ok to be angry.

[merlin4926]

Writing stuff down in a journal or even writing letters expressing how you feel but not sending them

[Cat21]

Avoiding my partner when they are intoxicated (or on drugs).

Keeping in mind that you (and your pwpbd) are entitled to your feelings. No one can tell you NOT to feel a certain way.

[Mutt]

Trust your intuition and interpretation of your reality. Don't believe distortions and manipulations. I let my intuition drop to the bottom of the pile and knew ex was lying but doubting myself. Don't defend justify how you interpret it. Reality is open to debate. Hold on to it.

[Aussie0zborn]

You left one important item off your list, and that is... .

Running. Fast.

[hurting300]

Trust your intuition and interpretation of your reality. Don't believe distortions and manipulations. I let my intuition drop to the bottom of the pile and knew ex was lying but doubting myself. Don't defend justify how you interpret it. Reality is open to debate. Hold on to it.

mutt, that is the truth... and run

[freedom33]

Minding/going about my own business

Desensitise/detach from her

Don't complain don't explain

Make time for seeing my friends.

Limit contact to what is tolerable e.g. 1-2 times a week.

[Lucky One]

All these things are NOT easy to do while living with a pwBPD or pwNPD.

Why? Because they are going to try and sabotage your plans.

I think the "running fast" part is the easiest. It brought a smile to my face!

[ugghh]

-- Get a therapist / counselor for yourself.  Not a marriage counselor but one who helps the non stay in touch with reality - see Mutt's comment.  I think it very common for the non to begin to always question themselves and start to accept the distorted reality of the pwBPD.

-- Do not hide your issues from family and friends, these are some of your best resources and will be there for you in the long run.  Usually they have already noticed the issues, but do not speak up out of respect for the non.

-- Come to this support forum - it is a truly a lifeline with a wealth of wisdom of many people who have walked the same path already.

[Olinda]

Remember: You are not the cause of someone else's feelings.