Thinking about taking her back but only for the sex

[borderdude]

I am only fiddeling with the thougt , Must get rid of it.


no feelings involved, no real relationship, only meeting once a week, she can then in her fantacy have a sort  relationship with me, like she wants, just like transactions, the only thing she understands anyway.


THEN I feel ashamed thinking like this, what to gain from it, will it hurt her ? She will use the sex for control, will she somewhat manage to manipulate me in some way?


Is this thinking from a covard person, why not take the challenge and get normal girls, to much work?

What will this do to my mental life, and view towards later normal relations

Any thougts, experiences ?

[Mutt]

I haven't entertained the idea. I'm not saying that there's a right or wrong here.

If you play with fire you're going to get burned. My two cents.

[hurting300]

Mutt is right dude... I tried that and trust me I've got a great game but they play you not the other way around. The sex was awesome though wow.

[goldylamont]

you want your power back. i get that. but you won't find it with her. you have to channel these energies into meeting new women. your ex is sick. and furthermore she doesn't respect you in the least. i don't think you really want to share yourself with someone that doesn't respect you at all, right? the feeling you have is normal, and i agree with Mutt i'm not trying to moralize this. i just think it best you put your energies into finding someone new--it may be more difficult but you can actually get your power (self-esteem, self-respect) back this way if you do it with the right intentions.

[borderdude]

Mutt is right dude... I tried that and trust me I've got a great game but they play you not the other way around. The sex was awesome though wow.

How does she manipulated you by the use of sex, in the mental way?

This woman has no ability to show intimazy, when I touched her, she got a scared look, to held her hand is like a dead person, no feedback.

[hurting300]

Yes... that's how it starts . Mine told me several times she was vanilla in bed. She acted that way so I could "teach" her. Then it was porn star sex. Seriously? Just take my word for it. They are basically a player X 10

[Rise]

no feelings involved... .

But don't you already have an emotional connection to this woman?

[Aussie0zborn]

This doesn't sound like a good idea. I'm glad you considered the shamefulness of this thought process. What makes it shameful is that you are playing with a mentally ill person - she doesn't deserve that and she will invariably make you pay. As mentioned, play with fire and you get burned.

[borderdude]

no feelings involved... .

But don't you already have an emotional connection to this woman?

Yes, based on fantasy. The  clingyness she did towards me , I interpreted as love, while it may be that I was  her source narcistic supply and partly fantasy.

[mywifecrazy]

This doesn't sound like a good idea. I'm glad you considered the shamefulness of this thought process. What makes it shameful is that you are playing with a mentally ill person - she doesn't deserve that and she will invariably make you pay. As mentioned, play with fire and you get burned.

I agree with Aussie... .Now that you know she is mentally ILL why would you want to play with her emotions like that? It is good that you posted your thoughts and are considering the consequences before you move forward with this idea.

Keep working on your recovery and keep your focus on becoming as healthy as you can. When you are healthy you will get into a relationship with another healthy person that loves and cares for you for all the right reasons... .When that happens the sex will be what it was meant for, two people coming together to physically express their spiritual bond. It will be better than anything a pwBPD (untreated) can offer!

Good Luck... .MWC

[borderdude]

This doesn't sound like a good idea. I'm glad you considered the shamefulness of this thought process. What makes it shameful is that you are playing with a mentally ill person - she doesn't deserve that and she will invariably make you pay. As mentioned, play with fire and you get burned.

I initially agree. In the best scenario , this description I gave of no feelings , ans straight transactional  sex against she can put "in a relationship" status on facebook, is the best she can do anyway. Dealing with BPD females , you cannot allow feelings , only straight borders .

[hurting300]

Yeah they might be mentally ill but they aren't considered insane. If I could get even i would.

[merlin4926]

Don't do it it's bound to end badly!

[Rise]

no feelings involved... .

But don't you already have an emotional connection to this woman?

Yes, based on fantasy. The  clingyness she did towards me , I interpreted as love, while it may be that I was  her source narcistic supply and partly fantasy.

My point is, that ship has already sailed. You already have feelings for her. You really think that you're going to be able to just pretend those feelings don't exist? Maybe (and that's a giant maybe) if you were going in with a blank slate, you'd be able to keep this a purely sexual, emotionless interaction. But you're already past that point. I think at this point you need to look at this and ask what the motivation for this is. Is this purely about the sex, or is this just another way for you to hold onto her and the relationship?

[borderdude]

no feelings involved... .

But don't you already have an emotional connection to this woman?

Yes, based on fantasy. The  clingyness she did towards me , I interpreted as love, while it may be that I was  her source narcistic supply and partly fantasy.

My point is, that ship has already sailed. You already have feelings for her. You really think that you're going to be able to just pretend those feelings don't exist? Maybe (and that's a giant maybe) if you were going in with a blank slate, you'd be able to keep this a purely sexual, emotionless interaction. But you're already past that point. I think at this point you need to look at this and ask what the motivation for this is. Is this purely about the sex, or is this just another way for you to hold onto her and the relationship?

That feelings emerged after she painted my black, I then felt a love from her witch abruptly vanished. Before that I had no feelings for her, I detected a range of red lights and had decided to not progress with the r/s.  She blacked because I had already faded from her life.

She showed me some scenes of grief and hurt , seemed very realistic, she where 2 multiple personas (they where correlated, more structure), and I always felt that of one these personalities liked me, and the other was more neutral. She acted like a hurt child, she changed energy in her face, and became her other self, but I did not let her got her will and ignored her.

In the absence of her presence, I miss her attention, is it love? doubt so , I feel like I have lost a child , and this loss has something to do with me as a caregiver, the role she assigned to me. I refused to accept that and put boundaries, a choice that added to the closure. The grief I feel is not a standard "love sick" situation.  

It is hard to forget she is mental sick, my immature thought of relationship would be better off by engaging a prostitute, and leave my ex go exploring the world doing her mistakes , and hopefully she realize the need for help.

My 1st BPD ex had 2 multiple personalities where one of them where her at age 5-6yo , she talked with a thin kids voice, made children'ish drawings.