Lawyer engaged, moving forward

[goateeki]

Sometimes I think people on the Leaving board are undecided, and for those who are undecided, let me just say I have not felt as good as I feel now that I've engaged a lawyer and the complaint is being drafted.  I know it's poor form to recommend that any individual leave a relationship -- all I am saying is that boy, does leaving ever work for me.  Nineteen years of marriage and two school age kids, and honestly, once that self respect reasserts itself, there is no going back. 

The kids deserve so much better than they have been seeing, and now at least there is a chance for dad (who I am told is still quite spry) can model for them a loving, successful relationship between a man and a woman.

[Mutt]

Congrats goateeki. Let your L deal with the stress.

I agree. The first step is always the hardest. Kids are #1, be their voice and fight for them. They need dad in their corner. Be their role model and show them what a relationship between a couple is like 

[goateeki]

Thanks, Mutt.  And I'm happy to say I do this without animus.  I do it out of a more refined sense of responsibility than the one I had when I started down this road five months ago -- which was more like obligation, and maybe some unfounded idea that I could help this person.  No more. 

[Mutt]

I understand. It takes some time for the FOG to lift. Once I saw the forest for the trees and the collateral damage my ex is causing with the kids. I couldn't watch things happen and sit on the sidelines. Detach, take control of your life back and be indifferent to the tactics, emotional blackmail etc from ex. I chose to have a safety net for the kids in my home. An emotional safe-zone and to validate them a sort of anecdote to what they are being exposed at their home.

I'm not in a relationship yet. I want to be a role model. If I had gone back, I can't have the kids see that dad doesn't have boundaries and be emasculated in front of them again.