did your BPD ever say "I don't deserve to be happy"

[Infern0]

This was something mine would often say when the inner child came out and I always struggled with it.

She was typical waif/quiet borderline.

I think the waif is even worse than the queen tbh,  I came out of my first BPD rs with a queen full of rage and hatred which was easier to process.

The waif just leaves you with a hopeless pity and sorrow. 

[rickdeckard]

Yeah. The ex said that a lot when she was with replacement working on a recycle. Of course, I was going to be the one to prove her wrong... .LOL.

Srsly, it really did and does make me sad. Self fulfilling prophecy. Because she believes it, not because of anything I can/can't/will/will not do. Same with replacement. As long as she thinks she doesnt deserve it she will never be happy.

I haven't really subtyped her, I see parts of all of them in her. Or rather did see. I guess more waif most of time, a pitiful little thing. Then comes the rage.  So IDK. She's just her.

[MrFox]

She did say that to me.  I should have seen it as a red flag.  Instead, I sought to prove her wrong.  For my next act I think I will attempt to stop the earth from rotating.  I'll probably be just as successful.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

She did say that to me.  I should have seen it as a red flag.  Instead, I sought to prove her wrong.  For my next act I think I will attempt to stop the earth from rotating.  I'll probably be just as successful.

[rickdeckard]

She did say that to me.  I should have seen it as a red flag.  Instead, I sought to prove her wrong.  For my next act I think I will attempt to stop the earth from rotating.  I'll probably be just as successful.

I second that  !

[Blimblam]

This was something mine would often say when the inner child came out and I always struggled with it.

She was typical waif/quiet borderline.

I think the waif is even worse than the queen tbh,  I came out of my first BPD rs with a queen full of rage and hatred which was easier to process.

The waif just leaves you with a hopeless pity and sorrow. 

I was waifed as well. There is just something so extra feminine about them they are litteraly the princess of fairytales. The Alice in wonderland. You can see underneath it all the pureness. But the gaslighting! They can destroy you without even saying a word. In the end when you realize why they just can't even see it. They can not see themselves and it's tragic.

If they raged it would be so much easier to pinpoint. The waif can get in your head like no other their charms hit the deepest too.  When things are good with the waif there's not much that can compare to that. We know how that story ends though.  Pain beyond anything and insanity.

[Bak86]

Mine never said that, but she did mention that she didn't know what love was. And she absolutely hated anything romantic(valentines day, romantic movies etc.)

[justmenmycoffee]

Insert Quote

Mine never said that, but she did mention that she didn't know what love was. And she absolutely hated anything romantic(valentines day, romantic movies etc.)




Ditto!

[freedom33]

That is a rare insight to have and shows some vulnerability. Mine didn't show any vulnerability, any weakness, no flaws, just entitlement and blaming. She would say, I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be treated nice, I deserve a boyfriend who will treat me so and so and support me. And never, ever apologised.

She comes from a relatively historic family i.e. there are wikipedia entries for her father and her maternal grandfather. So maybe a very strong sense of family pride combined with the entitlement of the disorder. I am wondering now if she was BPD/NPD combo. Any thoughts?

[tim_tom]

Only once or twice, when she actually allowed her self to feel anything and broke down crying. I took it as bait for me to soothe her, which I did.

I was told yesterday that she's able to shut off emotions when she needs to, mine is very adept at this and locks away her shame deep in a dungeon where it never sees the light of day.

[tim_tom]

That is a rare insight to have and shows some vulnerability. Mine didn't show any vulnerability, any weakness, no flaws, just entitlement and blaming. She would say, I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be treated nice, I deserve a boyfriend who will treat me so and so and support me. And never, ever apologised.

She comes from a relatively historic family i.e. there are wikipedia entries for her father and her maternal grandfather. So maybe a very strong sense of family pride combined with the entitlement of the disorder. I am wondering now if she was BPD/NPD combo. Any thoughts?

Sounds like mine, minus the wiki page . Comes from money, strong sense of family and culture. In fact, it was only her culture that every mattered, mine and my kids background where ignored. All added to her massive ego and arrogant behavior, yes I believe she had some NPD traits.

[Blimblam]

That is a rare insight to have and shows some vulnerability. Mine didn't show any vulnerability, any weakness, no flaws, just entitlement and blaming. She would say, I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be treated nice, I deserve a boyfriend who will treat me so and so and support me. And never, ever apologised.

She comes from a relatively historic family i.e. there are wikipedia entries for her father and her maternal grandfather. So maybe a very strong sense of family pride combined with the entitlement of the disorder. I am wondering now if she was BPD/NPD combo. Any thoughts?

She saw you as the disorder and was standing up to the disorder through you little did she know she was interacting with her own internal drama the entire time.

[fred6]

No, but she did say that, "You'll be better off" and "You'll be happier without me". Not sure if that was her way of trying to tell me that she was F'd up. Or if she was just trying to get rid of me to make room for new supply that she was cheating on me with.

[Blimblam]

No, but she did say that, "You'll be better off" and "You'll be happier without me". Not sure if that was her way of trying to tell me that she was F'd up. Or if she was just trying to get rid of me to make room for new supply that she was cheating on me with.

Both but she was interacting with her own projections of her fractured self.

[camuse]

No, but she did say that, "You'll be better off" and "You'll be happier without me". Not sure if that was her way of trying to tell me that she was F'd up. Or if she was just trying to get rid of me to make room for new supply that she was cheating on me with.

Mine said this once, and "I don't understand why you put up with it."

[Fluff]

All of the above. "I don't deserve to be happy", "I'm not good for you", "Everybody would be better off if I just killed myself", "Thank you for putting up with all my ___". At the moment I didn't understand what she was talking about, or see any red flags.

[freedom33]

All of the above. "I don't deserve to be happy", "I'm not good for you", "Everybody would be better off if I just killed myself", "Thank you for putting up with all my ___". At the moment I didn't understand what she was talking about, or see any red flags.

I would have been relieved if she 'd come back with something like that! Thank you for putting up with sht? Wow!

[EaglesJuju]

All of the above. "I don't deserve to be happy", "I'm not good for you", "Everybody would be better off if I just killed myself", "Thank you for putting up with all my ___".

My bf said this all the time too.  I cannot imagine how painful it must be for them. 

[freedom33]

All of the above. "I don't deserve to be happy", "I'm not good for you", "Everybody would be better off if I just killed myself", "Thank you for putting up with all my ___".

My bf said this all the time too.  I cannot imagine how painful it must be for them.  

Again I am dumbfounded. This to me shows a level of awareness and remorse that I did not remotely get from my ex. How common is this? My ex would write in her journal that I am the one who is not good for her and but she is patient and knows that I will only leave her if I find another woman... .I ended up leaving her allright but my replacement is this forum. Talk about projection.

[Bak86]

I also remember her saying that i'm too nice/sweet. She didn't want to put me up with all her troubles. She also said she didn't feel comfortable in a normal relationship and that she could never give me the relationship i wanted.

Moments of clarity?

[EaglesJuju]

Again I am dumbfounded. This to me shows a level of awareness and remorse that I did not remotely get from my ex. How common is this? My ex would write in her journal that I am the one who is not good for her and but she is patient and knows that I will only leave her if I find another woman... .I ended up leaving her allright but my replacement is this forum. Talk about projection. [/quote]
He would be remorseful quite often.  In his moments of "clarity," he would profusely apologize and say that he is a self-fulfilling prophecy, unworthy of my love.

[BlackHoleSun]

Told me she couldn't give me what i deserve and that she didn't deserve me. Told me she could never have what she wants, as she makes everyone unhappy eventually. Told me that she was broken and that i couldn't fix her.

Manipulation to make me feel sorry for her? Or genuine moments of clarity and self awareness? Impossible to say!

[freedom33]

I also remember her saying that i'm too nice/sweet. She didn't want to put me up with all her troubles. She also said she didn't feel comfortable in a normal relationship and that she could never give me the relationship i wanted.

Moments of clarity?

I am jealous!

[Bak86]

I also remember her saying that i'm too nice/sweet. She didn't want to put me up with all her troubles. She also said she didn't feel comfortable in a normal relationship and that she could never give me the relationship i wanted.

Moments of clarity?

I am jealous!

Jealous of what?

[Fluff]

All of the above. "I don't deserve to be happy", "I'm not good for you", "Everybody would be better off if I just killed myself", "Thank you for putting up with all my ___".

My bf said this all the time too.  I cannot imagine how painful it must be for them.  

Again I am dumbfounded. This to me shows a level of awareness and remorse that I did not remotely get from my ex. How common is this? My ex would write in her journal that I am the one who is not good for her and but she is patient and knows that I will only leave her if I find another woman... .I ended up leaving her allright but my replacement is this forum. Talk about projection.

Well, she didn't tell me what ___ she was talking about. It's up to my imagination.

[Tater tot]

She did say that to me.  I should have seen it as a red flag.  Instead, I sought to prove her wrong.  For my next act I think I will attempt to stop the earth from rotating.  I'll probably be just as successful.

\

I really needed to read this today... .thank you!

[freedom33]

I also remember her saying that i'm too nice/sweet. She didn't want to put me up with all her troubles. She also said she didn't feel comfortable in a normal relationship and that she could never give me the relationship i wanted.

Moments of clarity?

I am jealous!

Jealous of what?

She came out clean and told you that it was her basically that had all these issues. That's owning her issues and taking some responsibility at least. I am starting to realise that mine was BPD/npd combo. She never acknowledged that was anything wrong with her. She was too proud for that. She would try to convince me instead that I was the one with the problems and that I needed therapy. I most definitely do now in the aftermath.

[crookedeuphoria]

Doesn't deserve to be happy, screws up everything, no wonder none of his friends speak to him anymore. He would always, always say that if it weren't for me that one day he would be one of those people you see walking the streets muttering to themselves.

[EaglesJuju]

All of the above. "I don't deserve to be happy", "I'm not good for you", "Everybody would be better off if I just killed myself", "Thank you for putting up with all my ___".

My bf said this all the time too.  I cannot imagine how painful it must be for them.  

Again I am dumbfounded. This to me shows a level of awareness and remorse that I did not remotely get from my ex. How common is this? My ex would write in her journal that I am the one who is not good for her and but she is patient and knows that I will only leave her if I find another woman... .I ended up leaving her allright but my replacement is this forum. Talk about projection.

Well, she didn't tell me what ___ she was talking about. It's up to my imagination.

Sometimes when he said, "Thanks for putting up with my ___," he would add a specific instance.  The other times it was generalized. 

[Bak86]

I also remember her saying that i'm too nice/sweet. She didn't want to put me up with all her troubles. She also said she didn't feel comfortable in a normal relationship and that she could never give me the relationship i wanted.

Moments of clarity?

I am jealous!

Jealous of what?

She came out clean and told you that it was her basically that had all these issues. That's owning her issues and taking some responsibility at least. I am starting to realise that mine was BPD/npd combo. She never acknowledged that was anything wrong with her. She was too proud for that. She would try to convince me instead that I was the one with the problems and that I needed therapy. I most definitely do now in the aftermath.

Ah i understand. Mind you, that was ONE of like 5 explanations why she ended it. I didn't know about BPD back then when she said that, and it simply didn't make any sense to me. I asked her for answers afterwards. Here are some reasons i've heard over the course over 2 months:

- Too much stress and anxiety

- Me wanting to have sex with her, while she couldn't do that, because of her history(sexual abuse)

- I wasn't the one

- The relationship was meh/boring

- I couldn't provide her with the sex she needed(mind you, she was the one who didn't want to have sex, and she also told me that she was back with her ex, that would bang her brains out(which is a lie, she isn't back with her ex))

- I didn't woo her

- She told a friend of her that we didn't have chemistry

- She told another friend of her that it simply didn't work out

Mind is blown. I simply don't know what the real reason is.